


Who even falls for their former bully?

by secretshush



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (also minor) - Freeform, (minor) - Freeform, Accidental Cuddling, Coming Out, Crying, Getting Together, M/M, Michael is a great friend!, Pining, Play Rehearsal, References to bullying, References to past trauma, Senior year, Sharing a Bed, Sleepovers, Squip happened and its talked about a lot but the actual squip is not in this lol, Underage Drinking, bros being bros, rip in piss, time skip, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-08 08:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 56,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21472888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretshush/pseuds/secretshush
Summary: Jeremy and Rich have way more in common than anyone would think at first. After the whole squip thing, Jeremy discovers that Rich is sometimes the only person who really gets what he's talking about, and vice versa. From this blooms a friendship, and from that friendship comes a conversation about why Rich's squip targeted Jeremy. And from there, Jeremy finds some complicated feelings coming forth.But just because Jeremy thinks Rich is cool, and nice, and funny now, and that the way he's handling the squip and his past mistakes is really admirable,andthe fact that Jeremy suddenly finds himself wanting to spend every second of every day around Rich, doesn't mean he hasfeelingsfor him......right?
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rich Goranski/Jeremy Heere, brooke/jenna, christine/jeremy happend but its not really talked about
Comments: 58
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, welcome to the start of the fic! This was supposed to be a nice one shot but it looks like it's gonna be, like 50,000 words instead, so strap in, and try to enjoy! :D
> 
> Please Note: Rich obviously speaks with a lisp but like fuck am I writing it out phonetically. There will be a few references/reminders of it, but for the most part, you just have to remember haha

"Why did you bully me?" Jeremy asks, pretty out of the blue while playing whatever Call of Duty game Rich had lying around near his Xbox. Jeremy's character had died and he figured now was as good a time as any. Rich is clearly taken by surprise. His character dies onscreen and he looks over at Jeremy, a mix of emotions trying to settle on his face.

"I… man I'm… I'm sorry. Like I'm really so, so sorry about all of-"

"No no, yeah I know you are," Jeremy interrupts, hands coming up to assure Rich this is a casual conversation even though the subject matter would suggest otherwise. Jeremy doesn't want an apology, he just wants an answer. "It's cool I just want to know why? Like why me? You know? Was that just your squips idea of what a cool guy is like or did it like, hate me personally? Or…?"

"No, Jeremy no, I-" Rich sighs. "You know what? I never even asked it. I didnt even question it, dude, she just told me to do it and yeah I hesitated for like a second but I- I didn't even try to fight back, or suggest otherwise, or even fucking ask why the hell I needed to I just. I just went and did it. Jeremy… fuck." Rich puts his head in his hands, and he sounds… broken up. This clearly cannot be a casual conversation for Rich, his guilt and remorse too strong to ignore. His voice cracks on Jeremy's name and what comes after is almost just a whisper. Jeremy very gently places his hand on Rich's shoulder, moving just slightly to sit next to him more. He kind of regrets asking.

"Hey," his hand moves in small circles. Rich takes in a quiet breath. "I understand." 

And he does. He does understand, and Rich knows he understands, and Jeremy knows Rich knows. Jeremy had a squip for a mere fraction of the time that Rich did, but it was way longer than any of their other friends, and most importantly, it was long enough. Long enough for Jeremy to know.

That it's better if you just comply. With a squip, you learn to stop asking why early in, and you just do what it tells you to. And, well, it usually gets you favorable results so why would you need to ask questions? The algorithm doesn't lie. Jeremy was still naturally skeptical, even up to the end, concerned about using Brooke, doubtful that whatever the hell the squip got him into with Chloe on Halloween was 'favorable,' and it might have taken a metaphorical slap in the face from Christine, but he did eventually find that maybe squipping the entire school wasn't the best plan. But Rich was squipped for a year, and Jeremy never forgot about Rich's confession to being so desperate in freshman year for anything other than the life he had, so yeah. Jeremy understands that Rich probably wouldn't be in the habit of doubting his squip. And if the strength of that shock Rich's squip gave him in the bathroom that day is any indicator, Jeremy thinks he may not have wanted to question Rich's squip either.

Rich isn't breathing much at all, probably trying to hold something back. Anger, words, excuses, whatever. Maybe even tears. Jeremy knows Rich just doesn't want to ruin their hangout so he's trying to get himself under control. Honestly Jeremy wouldn't mind if Rich needed to cry or talk or whatever. It is, in a way, nice to see his bully upset and remorseful about what he did to Jeremy, clearly suffering under the weight of his actions just the same way he made Jeremy suffer under them. In the same vein though, it isn't very nice to see his _friend_ suffering right in front of him, and if talking or whatever would help, Jeremy would gladly listen.

But he doesn't know what Rich needs or wants and he trusts him to make his own decisions, so Jeremy just continues what he hopes are comforting motions on Rich's back, avoiding his more scarred left side, the room completely quiet save for the soft whirring of the console in front of them, and the slight summer breeze coming in through the open window in Rich's room. Jeremy very discreetly tries to make his own steady breathing just loud enough that maybe Rich will catch on and try to match it.

Soon enough, whether by Jeremy's own attempt or from some conclusion Rich draws by himself, his breathing does match Jeremy's, and Rich takes his head out of his hands, looks right at Jeremy with a sad smile, and says “sorry.”

Jeremy retracts his hand slowly but doesn't scoot away, and gives Rich his own sad smile and says “it's okay.”

It is okay.

Rich picks up his controller again, restarting the level, and Jeremy follows suit, thinking that's that, but Rich starts talking without taking his focus away from the game.

"I think it was a lot of reasons. All mashed together." Oh Jeremy might get an answer after all. "First of all there's. Uh, well you really did remind me of myself in freshman year, so like, it was probably the squips way of like... killing my old self? You know? Like a way to get rid of Rich 1.0 once and for all."

And that hits way too close to Jeremy's own experience with his squip- it’s words, “...a link to Jeremy 1.0” echoing in his head- for him to not instantly understand, so he nods and hums his assent, eyes still on the screen.

"And then. Um. Well. I got my squip in the first place for… a few reasons… and one of them was I … that I wanted to… be able to stand up to my dad whenever he'd try shit." Rich trails off at the end.

Jeremy sneaks a glance at Rich and ever so slightly bumps their knees together to show that he's listening and that Rich is safe to talk about it with him. They both continue to press their characters on through the virtual stage, and Rich continues to press on through his explanation with a little more confidence. 

"So like, obviously it made me start working out first to gain muscle cuz man, I was as weak as you before I started." There's a slight chuckle to Rich's sentence and the smile in his voice is evident as he bumps his shoulder against Jeremy's and Jeremy smiles a little bit too at the humor, even if it is at his expense. "But I was still weak mentally, I guess, so I needed like, experience…? Being in power, you know? I'd never had any power over anyone before, I didn't know how to assert it, and I didnt know how to like, not cry while trying to." There's more of a laugh in that one, and it's kind of sad but at least it's still a laugh. "So like, you being the old me and me needing to practice authority and build confidence in myself was like, the perfect combination. I guess."

"Huh." It's all Jeremy can really think to say, he's not as emotionally invested as Rich is in this subject right now, so he's satisfied with the answer. That is, until he glances at Rich and sees him chewing on his lip, clearly thinking something over. Clearly wondering if he should continue. Jeremy can’t help but ask.

"So it was never like… you're saying it wasn't something I did?" Rich lets go of his lip and stares at him wide-eyed for a second before jumping to reassure him.

"No! No no no no no of course not! Shit, man, you never did anything to me dude you didn't ever deserve _anything_ I fucking did to you, I'm- _fuck,_ I'm sorry for even making you think that. You didn't deserve it, Jeremy, holy shit."

Okay well scratch that bit about Jeremy not being emotionally invested because damn that was kinda heartfelt and Jeremy didn't know how important it would be for him to hear someone tell him that. He can feel his heart start to ache with the relief of outside confirmation. 

"Thanks." Jeremy tries not to sound misty as he says it. Rich apparently doesn't think he believes him though, as he continues, going to bite his lip again, this time looking more… bashful? That’s not a look Jeremy is familiar with seeing on Rich.

"I… listen, the reason... Uh, I think it's… I don't-" That's a lot of false starts, not that Jeremy isn't familiar with those himself. Rich sighs. "Okay, listen I think I know a third reason the squip wanted me to target you but it's… you… uh just, promise me you won't get awkward please."

Well with a request like that Jeremy finds it hard to promise but he agrees because he's curious.

"Okay so. Um. I think, in freshman year I might have had, like, a tiny crush on you."

Jeremy manages to pause the game this time before turning and openly gaping at Rich.

"You WHAT?" It comes out more high pitched and squeaky than Jeremy intended but that's par for the course with him isn't it. His face is getting very warm too, and there's just no way for him to save his composure now so he keeps gaping. Rich at least has the decency to look embarrassed too. He's having a hard time looking at Jeremy as he fidgets with his controller.

"I told you not to make it awkward…" Rich mumbles, and at risk of making things worse, Jeremy thinks it's kinda cute. He brings his hands up to cover his face but he can't help but laugh through it. 

"God, you _liked_ me? And you _bullied me to repress your feelings?_ How cliche can you get?" The giggles do not stop.

"Oh fuck off!" Rich is still so, so embarrassed but thankfully his smile marks his words as playful. Relieved. He starts the game back up as they both chuckle a bit to themselves. 

Jeremy knows he shouldn't find it so funny, but hey Rich said not to make it awkward and awkward is the only other acceptable response he can think of besides joking about it so joke about it he will. Besides it's not like Jeremy… 

...Hates the thought?

No no no bad phrasing, bad phrasing, it's not like Rich just asked him out. Yes that's better. It's not like Rich has just confessed to _currently_ liking him, and it's not like Rich expects Jeremy to respond in kind, it's just an embarrassing little admission of some past feelings that makes him sound like some high school drama character trope. Clearly that's funny.

And honestly, it's nice to have Rich be comfortable enough to tell him that; Jeremy feels very trusted and it's a nice feeling no matter who it's from. And it's nice to be able to tease Rich about it too, not in a malicious way, but in a kind hearted way, the way friends tease each other. Jeremy and Rich are friends now and Jeremy keeps thinking he should feel more weird about it but he just doesn't. Rich is nice. And funny. He's excitable and bubbly and... remorseful and watchful. He's uplifting... and repentant. He's gone through hell and yet he manages to balance his need for a fresh start with his need to acknowledge and never stop acknowledging his past mistakes. Rich wants people to get to know the real him, wants to be accepted as the real him, but still gets that some people won't want to, and that while his time with his squip made him someone very different from himself, it was still kinda him. It's still his responsibility. And _god,_ to carry all of that with him and stay happy? Stay nice? Jeremy…

Jeremy really… admires him for that.

Admiration. Jeremy admires Rich. He admires so many things about Rich doesn't he? His kindness, his drive, his ambition, the way he's careful with Jeremy without sacrificing the things that make friends, _friends,_ without sacrificing his _personality._ The way Rich isn't afraid to take responsibility for what he's done like Jeremy is, the way Rich smiles now with his whole face, the way he lights up when anyone talks to him, the way he...

But anyway THAT is why Jeremy chooses to giggle at Rich's confession. That's why he's letting himself feel flattered and fluttery about it. What's the harm in letting his thoughts go mushy for a second? Rich has been trying his damnedest to make up for the time he was squipped and that's really cool of him, Jeremy is allowed to think that's cool, and Jeremy is allowed to admire him, and Jeremy is allowed to be flattered by the fact that fucking somebody at least had feelings for him in the past. People having feelings for him is not a common occurrence as far as he's aware!! The only people he can remember liking him first are one girl in elementary school, Brooke, and now Rich. That's it! So sue him if he wants to revel in Rich's feelings a little bit!!!!

Past feelings. Rich's past feelings.

Alright yeah Jeremy needs to stop thinking about it. He's had his fun, but it's not that big of a deal, time to move on. He focuses back on the game and tells himself he’ll stop thinking about it.

* * *

Jeremy can't stop thinking about it. For an entire WEEK after Rich’s little ~confession~ Jeremy has not had an idle moment without his thoughts naturally trying to drift back to Rich. How good the confession had made him feel. And all through the week Jeremy was drawn to Rich, wanted to be around him, wanted to talk to him, so he ended up texting him more than usual since he can't use school as an excuse to see him because it's summer. Is Jeremy really that desperate for positive interaction? It’s not like he can’t get that anywhere else. Michael is right there every day, being the coolest guy on the planet and casually forgiving Jeremy for being an absolute shit to him and agreeing to try to just go back to how they were before it all happened. Michael shares inside jokes and jabs with him that only they understand and they laugh together until it hurts. Michael makes him feel good too, doesn’t he?

And what about Christine? Sure there’s some awkward feelings still there but one of his favorite things to do before was just watch Christine be unabashedly herself and he still loves that! Even just watching Christine makes him feel more confident and energetic. Christine compliments his acting, and encourages him to sing with her. She makes him feel good too, right?

What about Brooke, and Jenna? And Chloe and Jake? What about all these people who accept him as he is, squipless? Who he has this solidarity with now that they’ve all been through something together? These casual friends that are surprisingly nicer to have than people give casual friends credit for?

What about his dad? Now that he’s actually a _dad?_

All of these great people he’s so lucky to be surrounded by now, and he’s chasing after Rich like he’s the last source of dopamine in the world? Ridiculous.

He gets a text. It's from Brooke in the group chat.

**A small stream in the woods:**  
hey guys! anyone free for a sleepover 2night w me and jenna?? 😋 we all havent hung out in a while we should. 🤗

Jeremy does Not want to be the first one to answer because what if she didn't mean to include him or it's girls only or no one else says yes, he doesn't want to third-wheel Brooke and Jenna by himself. Luckily other people are typing already.

**Bich:**  
FUCK yea pls tell me boys r allowed i wanna hang

**Canigulaterhater:**  
Ooooo yeah that sounds fun!!!! What time?? :o :o :o

**Crystal peepsi:**  
does this… include me???

**A small stream in the woods:******  
1 yes rich boys r allowed!  
2 nice christine! 🤩 we were thinking like, 5.  
3 michael pls youre always included in my plans. and you bring fun 80s movies to sleepovers pls pls come. 🙏🙏🙏

Alright Jeremy feels better about responding now.

**Crystal peepsi:**  
awww am I weawwy inwuded in all your pwans? uwu

**Bich:**  
omg

**Nasty Germ:**  
I think I can go, it sounds like fun :D

**A small stream in the woods:**  
jeremy!!! 😄😄❤ yay this is gonna be so fun!  
@chloe @jake can you 2 make it?  
michael you're uninvited. 👎

**Crystal peepsi:**  
D:

**Canigulaterhater:**  
Isnt Jake at an internship or something? :c

**Ms Binch:**  
Yes. Also I'm coming too.

**Gorgeous Man:**  
NOOOO FUCK I WANNA HANG yeah I'm at the internship 🤦🏿😔

**Bich:**  
oh RIP jakey d 😔😭☹️

**A small stream in the woods:**  
awwww jake ☹️ we'll skype you in.  
and yay chloe!!!! 😊

**Crystal peepsi:**  
f

**Nasty Germ:**  
RIP jake

Guess Jeremy's going to a sleepover tonight. He's excited to see Rich. And everyone. Rich and everyone, just everyone he's going to be happy to see everyone. _Sigh._ Jeremy hopes he gets all his weird need-to-be-around-Rich feelings out tonight so he can go back to normal.

* * *

Michael drives the both of them over. They blast tunes and hype themselves up for a fun time with friends; Michael, the introvert of the two of them, working extra hard to get his hype on. Brooke's sleepovers are a far cry from Jake's old parties, it'll be rowdy but it'll just be the squad. Hanging out like real people do instead of partying their hearts out like teenage gods in movies. Jeremy does appreciate a good party, but he's pretty excited to just spend some nice, quality time with his friends. They pick up Takis and Coke, and are on their way.

* * *

"Chloe block! Block!!!"

"What fucking button????"

"Use your- FUCK your up-B, up-B right now!"

"Fucking WHAT???"

And with that, Link falls off the stage, and Chloe loses her last life. Christine, her opponent, lets out a victorious whoop, unperturbed by Chloe's very lethal stare being leveled on her.

"You fucking nerds throw me into a game I've never played before and dont tell me any of the goddamn buttons-"

"Who hasn't played Smash Bros?"

"Chloe maybe you should just git gud."

The laughter at Chloe's expense does not stop, but it's all in good fun and everyone knows it is. Christine takes pity on Chloe and doesn't stall with the forfeit.

"Alright Chloe, truth or dare?" Chloe doesn't even hesitate.

"Dare, I'm not a weak bitch." Christine giggles and ponders for a moment while the rest of the kids shout out possible dares for her.

"Hmmm, Chloe… I dare you…. Ummm, oh okay, I'm gonna need you to go to the freezer, get a couple of ice cubes and shove 'em in your bra."

"Christiiiiine whyyyy-" Chloe mopes, but goes downstairs anyway. When she returns, two melty ice cubes in hand, she shoots a glare to Christine before promptly sticking them down her shirt. She grimaces severely and shivers, sitting down and crossing her arms over her. She barely manages to hold back a sound like a dying camel.

"Okay, Jeremy and Michael, I wanna see the masters duke it out." Chloe says through clenched teeth.

Jeremy and Michael look at each other with that familiar competitive shine in their eyes. Rich begins rooting for Jeremy to win, which surprises him out of his focus on Michael, but he shrugs it off, merely smiling to himself and gloating about his 'loving fans' to Michael while they pick their characters. Michael gives him a Look that Jeremy decides he doesn't like. Michael looks like he's … decided something, or realized something. Jeremy doesn't know why that would make him nervous, what is there to realize? Ha. Ha… Michael is probably just plotting some way to embarrass Jeremy if he wins, but he's not going to win because Jeremy is going to beat him and that'll be the end of that.

Jeremy decides on…. Kirby, while Michael goes for Link again. They choose random for the map, and start the game. 

…

Jeremy loses. Both of them with only one stock left, and Jeremy gets triforced off the stage. _God. Dammit._ Their friends are all screaming around them about 'true champions' or whatever the fuck they're saying. Michael has the smuggest look on his face and Jeremy is hiding his fear with a look of disdain. What on earth could Michael be planning? Which one is safe? Truth or Dare? Michael probably has something planned for either of them so it doesn't matter which one he picks. Or maybe Jeremy is paranoid and Michael doesn't have anything planned, either way there's no wrong choice, right?

"Dare," He says.

Michael's grin grows wider. Fuck, wrong choice.

"Alright buddy, I dare you to sit on and hang off of Rich for the next 5 turns." Rich's amused smile falls at that.

"Wait what."

"WHAT?"

Michael just laughs at the both of them and points at Rich. "That's what YOU get for rooting for Jeremy over me! And," he turns to Jeremy, "that's what you get for… being a furry? I dunno whatever just go do it." Michael's smile doesn't leave his face.

So it's mostly a punishment for Rich, not Jeremy. Jeremy doesn't even know why he was so worried, like yeah this is going to be weird and awkward but that's the point. Jeremy was so worried Michael knew something but what would he even know? There's nothing to know, so there's nothing to worry about. Jeremy just has to awkwardly sit… on. Rich. Eh.

He shoots a small glare at Michael as he gets up and makes his way over. Rich gives him a little smile and an eyebrow wiggle and pats his lap, all very Rich-like. Jeremy pointedly ignores his fluttery chest and gingerly settles down onto Rich's crossed legs. Jeremy crosses his arms and pouts. Michael isn't having it though. 

"I said sit on _and_ hang off of him."

Jeremy's pout increases two-fold as he uncrosses his arms and hugs them around Rich's neck. Rich is warm as hell but when he looks at his face he's just smiling back at Jeremy, albeit, face pinker than before. Jeremy thinks he sees something behind Rich's eyes but before he can try to tell what it is Rich ducks and hugs Jeremy back, earning very teasing and sarcastic coos from everyone watching the spectacle. Jeremy's face colors when he remembers he's doing this in front of everyone, time to get everyone's eyes off of him right now!

"Alright, alright! Fucking… Christine and Jenna, have at it." Everyone laughs good naturedly and soon, focus is on the two girls instead of Jeremy. He sighs, relieved, and relaxes. Relaxes right into Rich's arms. That are still hugging him. Jeremy tenses right back up. Rich notices though, of course, and leans over to look at him.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Rich speaks softly, with very gentle concern in his eyes.

"No?" Rich isn't as boney as Jeremy, why would he be uncomfortable? He's warm and kinda soft and oh. Like. Emotionally. Jeez. "No, no I'm fine, I hope you're...? Not uncomfortable? This is supposed to be my dare but Michael dragged you into it…" Rich chuckles a bit and Jeremy can feel him squeeze a little tighter around his middle.

"It's fine. What's a bit of bro cuddling between friends, right?" Rich's expression is playful and casual as he leans his head against Jeremy and turns his attention toward the TV screen. Jeremy faintly registers his friends screaming in the background, it must be an intense match. Jeremy also faintly registers the smell of Rich's shampoo.

What is a bit of bro cuddling between friends? It's not like Jeremy hasn't cuddled with Michael before, it's a fine thing for friends to do. Why is he so nervous about cuddling with Rich? He really doesn't see him as a threat anymore so it's not that. Is he afraid of being laughed at? Not really, now that he's friends with the people he was most afraid of judging him. Is he worried about making Rich uncomfortable? He literally just said he was fine with this so, not that either. Jeremy racks his brain for an answer but comes up short. Instead, he turns his attention to the smash tournament, deciding to try not to worry so much. It's only for five more rounds anyways.

* * *

Five more rounds turns out to be the rest of the game. Actually, they only make it four more before it deteriorates into Jenna and Michael teaching Chloe how to play Smash Bros while Brooke and Christine Skype in Jake to laugh at her. Michael had tried to argue that since they didn't actually get to round five, Jeremy and Rich shouldn't be allowed to move until they do, but Rich shut that down real quick with a need to pee, so Jeremy has just been sitting on the couch by himself, kind of watching the lesson, kind of just spacing out. Kind of a long pee though? Maybe it's just Jeremy being needy or something but he's getting a little restless waiting for Rich to come back.

He decides to go find him.

Brooke's house is pretty big. The whole party has been taking place in an entire second ass living room upstairs, and they have 3 full baths, so Rich ought to be in one of them. Jeremy walks around quietly, glancing in and out of rooms until he finds Rich in the downstairs bathroom, the door slightly ajar. Light peeks through the crack and Jeremy can see Rich is in front of the mirror... shirtless? And applying… something to his chest??? He's humming too. Jeremy knocks on the door quietly, but Rich still startles substantially.

"... Rich?"

"Oh. Hey. Whatcha doing here?"

"Oh I just. Came to look for you. You were gone longer than- you were gone for a while so... I wanted to make sure you're… alright, I guess." Jeremy's eyes drift down to Rich's bare chest and arms. His scars, varying shades of pink and red and brown and white all on full display. All still in various stages of healing.

Jeremy knows Rich still keeps up a workout regime with guidance from a physical therapist, and it shows. He hasn't lost any muscle definition since getting rid of his squip, his arms still look powerful, his chest is defined, he never had abs, but his torso is solid, if slightly uneven now with the skin grafting. Jeremy kind of wants to… reach out and...

Rich clears his throat and Jeremy realizes what he was just doing. His eyes fly right back up to Rich's now pink face, and Jeremy can feel himself flush too, but before Jeremy can flip his entire shit and die right there in the bathroom, Rich continues speaking.

"They get… dry, you know?" Rich is looking away when he says it, reserved.

"What?" is Jeremy's very intelligent answer.

"The scars, they get dry. 'Cuz they dont have a lot of functioning oil glands anymore. Sweat glands either." He chuckles and turns back around, resuming his application of what Jeremy now sees is a moisturizer. Jeremy has absolutely not learned his lesson and immediately stares at Rich's well defined back muscles, through the scars that linger there. He's going to kill himself for this later but he also cannot stop himself from talking.

"So… how do you get your back?" Jeremy doesn't even look up from where he's staring, caught in some kind of weird ass trance that's making his filter not function. To be fair though, Rich does have a good amount of scarring on his back, and he is curious. Yes. The scarring. That's what Jeremy is staring at.

"I have this thing!" Rich comically holds up a weird stick brush thing, almost like the kind you would wash your back with but this one is clearly meant for applying lotion.

"Oh." Jeremy don't say what you're about to say next. "I mean, I could do it for you… if you want." Jeremy why the fuck did you say that. Clearly Rich is fine with his fuckin stick thing, it's been so many months he clearly has his routine down and doesnt need help, and what kind of fucking weirdo wants to apply _lotion_ to his friend anyway what the fuck-

"Man, you don't have to, I have the stick!" Rich laughs and waves the stick around a little as he finishes up his front. He looks over his shoulder to look at Jeremy as he says it. Jeremy hopes the panic isn't clear on his face. 

"Yeah! Yeah of- of course, god, I don't even know why I asked hahaha that was weird sorry, obviously you're fine-" the weight of Jeremy's baffling behavior just now is starting to come crashing down onto him.

"Hey, hey, it's all good dude, I mean… you can if you want to…? It would definitely be easier on me… but like you don't have to." Oh great Jeremy's infected Rich with his Weird Vibes, now Rich is acting all awkward too. And once again, at risk of making everything worse, Jeremy thinks it's kinda cute.

"I can-!" Jeremy clears his throat and lowers his voice. "I can do… it." Jeremy steps closer to Rich.

Rich looks at him, and Jeremy isn't sure what he's looking at or looking for but he turns around just a second later and hands the moisturizer to Jeremy.

Now that Jeremy is presented with this situation, he's nervous. He can feel his heartbeat in his whole body and he feels like his eyes are super focused and not focused all at the same time. They're not the worst nerves he's ever had though so he plows through, taking a swab of lotion and moving to apply it.

"Just, like slap it on or…? Do they still hurt, should I be... g-gentle?" 

"Maybe don't slap me," the tone is teasing, and a glance at Rich's face in the mirror shows him smirking for a moment, "but yeah they don't really hurt too much anymore, just like, go in small circles? I guess? I'll tell you if it's wrong." He laughs.

With that confirmation Jeremy goes right ahead and touches his (gross, lotiony) hand to Rich's shoulder blade, and starts to gently move in small circles. Rich shivers a little at the contact and Jeremy wonders if he was supposed to like, warm the moisturizer up before just going in… He knows _he's_ a little bitch in the summer when it comes to cold sunscreen on his back. But Rich doesn't say anything, no teasing, no chastising in any form, and in fact, after the initial shiver, Rich actually closes his eyes and relaxes into Jeremy's touch. It makes Jeremy feel _something_ but it's not a negative feeling so he doesn't dwell on it and just keeps going. He knows if he thinks about it he'll probably just freak out.

Rich sways a bit in time with Jeremy's movements, eyes still closed, and at one point he makes a very low humming noise that he immediately cuts off, and he stands a bit more still after. Jeremy finds though that instead of sharing Rich's awkward feelings, he feels a bit emboldened. Jeremy has never given a massage before but he must be decent at it if Rich is that comfortable. Jeremy glows with pride a little bit, and keeps up his motions, trying to get Rich to relax with him again. Before he can though, he reaches the waistband of Rich's sweatpants, and that's enough to snap him out of his reverie. Seems his work is done.

He says as much, and backs away from Rich a bit, handing him back the moisturizer and Rich thanks him for helping out but he seems to be a bit less than enthused to be done already. Jeremy can't really blame him though because he feels the same way.

Before he can dwell on that, the loud shouting of Christine and Michael calling for them echo through the vast rooms and down the hall. Jeremy immediately feels like he's been caught doing something, his flight instinct that he knows so well kicking in and making him want to put as much distance between him and Rich as possible. Jeremy promptly comes down from it though, as he realizes he has no clue why he should be feeling that way? He hasn't been caught doing anything weird has he? There's nothing weird about helping Rich with his burns! There's nothing weird about rubbing... lotion… on your bro… ah fuck was it weird? Did Jeremy go too far? Was that less than platonically acceptable behavior? But Rich seemed fine with it? Jeremy just barely manages to notice that Rich is looking just as wide-eyed and 'caught' as he is, which is not a good look for them both to be sporting when Christine throws the door open with a shout of "THERE you two are!"

And there Jeremy and Rich are, looking like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar, Rich completely shirtless, and Jeremy standing maybe probably way too close to him. Not _totally_ damning, seeing as Rich's back is to Jeremy, but definitely not normal bathroom etiquette, that's for sure. Michael looks like he's having a field day with what he sees, and is 3 seconds from jumping around and teasing the living hell out of them, whereas Christine just looks mildly confused but not put off in the slightest as she unknowingly prevents the Michaelpocalypse by telling them they're going to watch a movie. 

"We all decided on The Matrix and then Cinderella, but Michael and I were worried you wouldn't want to watch The Matrix and when we went to ask you weren't there. And neither was Rich. We thought you died." Christine sticks her tongue out at them, a cute gesture that helps diffuse the dread in Jeremy's stomach a bit. Michael then forgoes being a Real Friend in favor of being a Good Friend, and Jeremy is thankful.

"Yeah I didnt how you'd feel about watching Keanu movies yet… we can skip it if you want?" Michael's eyes are kind and understanding as he asks. Jeremy feels warmed by the compassion. 

"I think it's fine, we can watch it. It was like, my favorite movie, I don't want it to be tainted forever." Jeremy says the last part jokingly but he does mean it. He likes The Matrix and Keanu Reeves is a nice actor and good dude and he doesn't want to let a dumbass tic tac ruin two of his favorite things. It's been almost a year, he's had time to compartmentalize and separate his unfortunate experience with the things it imitated. 

"Alright, if you say so. Hurry up and finish making out so we can start." Michael waggles his eyebrows as he says it. Jeremy flushes scarlet.

"We-! We weren't _making out,_ you fucker! Shut up! Leave!" Jeremy slaps his arm and starts pushing him and Christine out of the bathroom. They're both chuckling at him as they exit.

Jeremy, red faced, turns back to Rich who he now realizes didn't say anything during all of that. He seems amused but otherwise unaffected. 

"Will you really be okay?" He asks. Jeremy smiles, relieved Rich wasn't freaked out by what Michael said, and flattered at the concern. 

"Yeah, pretty sure. And if I'm not, whatever, I'll just go on my phone or something," he says. Rich pauses for a moment before responding.

"You can talk to me too if you need a distraction." He seems a bit timid to be suggesting it but Jeremy just smiles wider at him.

"Yeah, thanks Rich." His smile doesn't falter, and Rich smiles right back up at him.

When they get back to the main room, everyone jeers at them for being gone so long together and they all waggle their eyebrows and accuse makeouts just like Michael did, and it's all in good fun, and it's not like they're actually accusing Jeremy and Rich of anything but Jeremy goes redder than a brick house by the end of it all. Rich doesn't leave his side for the rest of the night though, and Jeremy thinks that's just fine. They fall asleep next to each other on the floor, and when Jeremy wakes up, the morning sunlight is highlighting Rich in a way that makes him look straight up angelic, and Jeremy feels his heart skip a beat. He very deliberately ignores that _very_ familiar feeling, and turns over to wait for the others to wake up. He's not going to think about what he's feeling or what or means. He's fine. Everything's fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont live in new jersey, i based the second part of the chapter off of where i live, so if it would ~never happen~ in nj, whatever, they live in my town now lol

Jeremy can hide things from himself, but he can't hide anything from Michael. It's at a hangout at Michael's place (2 weeks after the sleepover) and in the middle of Jeremy's third story about Something Rich Said Recently™ that Michael asks.

"Alright, you've been dropping hints like crazy, so like, were you just not gonna tell me straight up that you have a crush on Rich? You really wanted me to guess?" Jeremy's hands freeze midair and his mouth hangs open, words caught in his throat. He stares incredulously at Michael.

"What!?" Jeremy squeaks.

"What?" Michael responds, lifting an eyebrow. But then his eyes widen and his mouth falls open in a pretty good mirror of Jeremy at that moment, before a huge smile breaks across his face and laughter bubbles out of him. "OH MY GOD YOU DIDN'T KNOW." The laughter increases. "YOU DIDN'T KNOW!!!!" And Jeremy is just feeling super embarrassed for a lot of reasons now! He snaps his mouth shut and tries to glare at Michael, but when your face is _that_ red and you're hugging your arms across your chest defensively, it doesn't do much to make you look intimidating.

"Sh-shut up! Stop laughing!!! What do you mean, 'crush?' I don't have a crush on Rich!"

"Holy shit Jere, you just talked about him for like 2 hours straight while we're supposed to be playing video games-"

"That doesn't mean shit!"

"-AND you had a lovestruck look on your face the whole time! Lately, you always have that look around Rich! I know that look, I saw it every time you talked about Christine!"

"I-"

"-AND there was the constantly being next to each other at the sleepover and whatever the heck you two were doing shirtless in the bathroom, and you two hang out more often than we do nowadays! Jeremy you're obsessed with him, I've been through this song and dance with you before, I know what you look like when you like someone, and you look like it now."

Jeremy is... speechless. His brain doesn't know what he should try to process first so it just. Doesn't. He sits and stares until Michael gets concerned enough to shake his shoulder a little bit and ask,

"Hey buddy, you good?"

And then it all hits Jeremy at once. A crush on Rich. A crush on Rich? A crush on Rich!?!? No! No no no it's not a crush he doesn't have a crush, Rich is just his friend, he likes him, yeah, but not like that, Jeremy doesn't even like guys, yeah see there's no way he can like Rich, he's never liked a guy before, well except Michael that one time in 8th grade- but no! That was a fluke! He never liked any other boys after that, he told himself it was just a fluke! They were friends and it was 8th grade, that doesn't mean he likes guys! It doesn't mean he likes Rich! Jeremy does suppose though that him and Rich are friends now, so maybe he _could_ actually like guys and it's just a rare thing for him and- wait no! It doesn't matter because even if he hypothetically did like guys that wouldn't mean he likes Rich! Rich is his friend, Jeremy likes spending time with him and talking to him because he likes him as a friend! And, yeah, as a friend, Jeremy can admit that there's plenty about Rich to like. Jeremy admires a lot about Rich, and Rich has a lot of likeable qualities! Like, Jeremy likes how Rich makes sure to talk to everyone he's hanging out with at any given time to make sure no one feels left out. And Jeremy likes how Rich gives out compliments so freely now, and how bubbly he always is around everyone, and Jeremy likes when Rich smiles, and he likes to be the one to make him smile, and he likes how Rich wears flannel as often as possible, he looks great in flannel and he always looks so comfortable in it, and Jeremy likes Rich's hair, even with his super faded, almost blonde now streak in the front that looks kinda dumb because the roots are grown in too so it's just this weird block of blonde in the middle of his head but Rich pulls it off because even after everything he's gone through, he's still confident, and nonchalant, and so, so funny, and nice, and silly, and sarcastic, and-

Jeremy likes Rich.

Oh god Jeremy _really_ likes Rich.

He comes crashing back down to earth with the realization. His hands come up to cover his mouth as he stares down at his lap, face warm, and heart warmer. He vaguely registers Michael rubbing his arm and smiling at him to the side, but he's still entirely focused inward.

He has a crush on Rich.

And Jeremy feels like he should be scared, or weirded out, or skeptical, or some kind of _bad,_ but he doesn't feel bad at all, not in the slightest. Jeremy feels… giddy. He feels so light and airy and really, _really_ happy? Like he could let out a laugh and float up and away into the sky. Jeremy feels so _much_ that he can't help but actually let a giggle out, and he doesn't float away but the glittery feeling in his head and stomach intensifies and soon the giggles are spilling past his lips without his jurisdiction and Jeremy just feels so _right._ And Michael was right, this is how he felt about Christine, albeit slightly to the left and maybe even a tad stronger now, but this lovely feeling is undeniable, how did Jeremy ever misidentify it before? How could Jeremy have _denied_ this for weeks?

And speaking of Michael, hes giggling along with Jeremy now, and once Jeremy realizes that, he breaks into full blown laughter.

"Michael! I'm a fucking idiot!" Michael just laughs at him. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! What the fuck? I really like Rich!"

"Yeah, you do!" The laughter starts to die a bit and they both try to catch their breath. "So, you think you're gonna tell him?"

"What the fuck? No! No way!"

"Aw come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Uh, he could hear me? Seriously dude, there's like so much baggage there-"

"Is there really…"

"And, god, I mean I couldn't even tell Christine how I felt without needing a supercomputer to help me and geez, that's part of the baggage and like beside all of that what if he just doesn't like me back and I-!"

"Dude, don't spiral again, I had to sit here for like 5 minutes in total silence while you had your internal monologue."

"Sorry, yeah you're right, but no I'm not just gonna up and tell him, who do you think I am?"

"Pff, yeah I don't even know why I asked, Mr. Pined-after-Christine-for-years-before-he-was-able-to-sort-of-kind-of-tell-her-how-he-felt-approximately."

"Fuck off!" Jeremy laughs, and pushes Michael over off of his beanbag chair. Michael chuckles and readjusts his seating, going back to the game.

The thought of trying to tell Rich how he feels is... kind of terrifying. Jeremy wasn't kidding about the baggage, Rich _did_ used to bully him… and Jeremy understands the circumstances, but Jeremy also knows that _he_ treated Michael like shit for a few weeks and he still feels bad about it a year later. How does Rich feel? Well, seeing as Rich has not stopped apologizing since they became friends, even when Jeremy tells him he doesn't have to anymore, Jeremy thinks he knows how he feels. Fucking guilty and ashamed. The same way Jeremy feels but maybe 10x worse. And Jeremy can't stop him from feeling that way but how is Jeremy supposed to just come out and tell him 'Hey Rich! So you know how when you apologized to me the first time, you said you wouldn't blame me if I never wanted to see you again? Well! No need to worry! I want to see you all time! I never want to stop being around you! I want to follow you like a lost puppy for the rest of my life because I have big gay feelings for you!!!"

...Gay feelings? Jeremy likes Rich… does that make him… bi? Is Jeremy bi? Something about that feels kind of… right. Good.

"Michael is it too soon to say I think I'm bi?"

Michael looks over at him for a moment, then smiles. "Nah, if you think you're bi then go ahead and say it. How does it feel to say it?"

"Kinda… good? I guess?"

"Well there ya go!"

"What if I'm not actually bi though, what if this is just like… a fluke…"

"Then it's a fluke, and you've discovered more about yourself. It's okay to try different labels out dude. Remember I tried out bi in 7th grade? Just because I'm gay now doesn't mean I was wrong to identify as bi before. Dude you know how I feel about the 'it's just a phase' thing, we've talked about this-"

"Yeah! Yeah no I know, sorry I'm just…" 

Michael kindly puts a hand on Jeremy's knee. "It's alright, dude." And his kind, open smile manages to convince Jeremy that, yeah, it is alright. He turns entirely toward Michael, serious expression on his face.

"Michael, I'm… I think I'm bi."

Michael beams at him and slaps him on the back. "Nice! Thanks for coming out to me, bro!"

Jeremy giggles and smiles.

"Okay, okay, so you know you don't actually have to tell anyone else and if and when you do is totally up to you but I'm positive that if you tell Rich he'll be ecstatic."

Oh my god. That's right, Rich is very proudly bi. God, does that get to be yet another fucking thing they have in common? Jeremy wonders if Rich really would be happy if Jeremy told him he's bi. Probably. Maybe they can't be boyfriends but they can be… _bifriends._

Jeremy giggles out loud at that thought, and Michael gives him a look.

"Stop thinking about gay shit, that's my job." Michael says humorously. 

"Sorry." Jeremy just smiles and goes back to the game.

* * *

It's only about a day later that Rich asks Jeremy to hang out with him.

**New message from: 😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**

Oh yeah. _Sigh,_ Jeremy regrets letting Rich edit his own name in his phone, dare or not. He also regrets keeping it more than ever.

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
hey my dude whats up u free today? its hot as balls i wanna go swimmin

Jeremy feels that newly identified fluttery feeling in his stomach as he reads it. He sends a quick text to his dad, and after receiving a positive response, he answers Rich. 

**You**  
Sure! I'm free, you wanna pick me up? No car lol

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
hell yea omw bb

Jeremy chuckles and goes to his closet to find some swim trunks and a towel. And sunscreen. Lord knows he can't leave the house without sunscreen.

Rich arrives a short while later in his beat up truck. He told Jeremy once that apparently it was his brothers truck that he gave to him after he got a fancy new one, which is why it's rusty, beat to hell and 'looks like shit'. Jeremy kind of likes the truck though. It has a certain charm to it. He hops into the front seat and Rich immediately hands him the tape deck aux cord, just like he's always done. Jeremy is still surprised every time.

"Hey dude!" Rich shoots him a smile.

"Hey man," Jeremy gives Rich his own smile in return, and ohhh no his chest feels fluttery just looking at Rich what has he gotten himself into he didn't think this through. He buckles his seatbelt. "S-so uh, you know how to get to the pool?"

"Oh, we're not going to the pool."

"Wha- we're not? Where are we going?" Jeremy is confused, he thought they were going swimming? A glance down confirms Rich is wearing a swimsuit. Then what-?

"You cool with swimming in a river?" Rich grins widely at Jeremy.

Jeremy lives in a pretty cozy suburb, but Rich lives just a bit farther out in a more woodsy area. Jeremy thinks he can see where this is going.

"A river?"

"You know the river near my house? You drive over the bridge and take a left to my place?" Jeremy nods, and Rich pulls out of the driveway. "Well there's this path that leads upstream through the woods and there are a couple of _tiny_ little beaches, just sandy banks, and I like going swimming there! It's all gently moving water, there's nothing dangerous there, other people swim there too sometimes! All the time! It's all good! You down? I mean if not we can go to the pool but I just figured, I dunno the river is kinda cool and I walk down there a lot so I just wanted to-" Jeremy can hear Rich is nervous so he rushes to reassure him.

"Yeah! I'm down, it sounds cool! Fun! No worries, I'm sure it'll be nicer than the crowded pee-filled pool, dude." Jeremy tries to smile in a reassuring manner, and he thinks it works as Rich laughs a bit before turning back to the road.

Jeremy picks a random playlist full of softer tunes. He doesn't have much of a music taste so he doesn't know why Rich insists on Jeremy picking music from his own phone instead of just letting Jeremy go through his. Jeremy knows Rich has lots of personal tastes in music that he's organized into neat categorical playlists, and Jeremy has stated many times that he'd be happy to listen to Rich's music, really, he's not picky, but no. Every time, Rich only wants Jeremy to pick his own music like a stubborn jerk. To retaliate, Jeremy has downloaded a bunch of stuff he thinks Rich likes, and has started playing those songs whenever Rich is being stubborn. He doesn't know if Rich has noticed.

They make it to Rich's house and climb out of the truck, and Rich bounces on his feet excitedly as he waves Jeremy over to start walking with him, smile never leaving his face. They make it to a woodsy path in less than 5 minutes, and Rich quickly sprays them both with tick repellent before grabbing Jeremy's hand and pulling him onto the path in a slight run. Jeremy's heart beats wildly in his chest and he knows it's not just because of the sudden running. All of the focus Jeremy isn't using on not tripping is zoomed right in on where Rich's hand wraps around his own, warm, and soft. Jeremy doesn't need to be warmer than he already is in the summer heat but his body doesn't care.

Rich pulls them through some tall brush, and suddenly, Jeremy finds himself on a beautiful little beach, surrounded by trees on all sides, a calm river cutting right through the middle. Birds and crickets chirp, and the water makes a subtle babbling sound around some impressive rocks in the middle. Jeremy can't believe there's something this nice hidden away behind a couple of trees. You can still hear cars pass over the bridge down stream if you're quiet enough, but Jeremy feels like he's just stepped into the countryside.

Rich nudges him, his smile still not having left his face. 

"You like?" Jeremy is still taking in the blue sky against green trees but he nods enthusiastically. Rich laughs, and continues. "This is a nice place to come to when dads being a shithead, so I'm pretty familiar with it."

Jeremy looks over at Rich but before he can show any emotional response to that, Rich's shirt smacks into his face. Jeremy quickly removes it and watches Rich run into the water and promptly fall over. Turns out there's a dropoff where it suddenly gets deeper. Jeremy laughs at him. Rich surfaces and laughs back.

Rich starts yelling at him to come in the water. Jeremy walks over to a shady tree and sets Rich's shirt and his towel and glasses down on the sand. He had already applied the sunscreen before getting in the truck (and indeed he was a little bitch about how cold it was on his back) so he should be ok to go in… He looks over at Rich who is beaming at him from the water and splashing around a bit. The sun hits Rich so beautifully, and the water highlights him and makes him glow, but that smile will always be brighter than any star in the universe to Jeremy. 

Fucking hell that was really gay. Jeremy shakes himself, trying to get rid of the fluttery feelings and he gingerly pulls his own shirt over his head, trying to ignore the insecurities that pop up in his brain. He heads over to the water's edge and begins his slow journey into the cold but refreshing river. His very slow journey. 

Rich comes up to stand next to him with his hands on his hips, looking at Jeremy, inching his way through the water, then looking at the water, then back to Jeremy, then back to the water all very dramatically. 

"Jeremy, just do what I did and get it over with, it's not that cold, I promise."

"Rich, if I do that I will die."

"No you won't, come on~" Rich laughs and starts hopping foot to foot, eager to get in the water.

"Yes I will, look at me. Not all of us can be beefy like you." Jeremy didn't really mean to say that but he's already staring at the water with a pout so he hopes Rich just lets it slide. By pointedly not looking at Rich though, Jeremy can't see the scheming look that crosses his face, and Jeremy finds himself startled by two arms that wrap themselves around his legs, just under his butt, and Rich's bare torso suddenly being pressed against his. He's also startled to find his feet no longer on the ground. He yelps loudly, as Rich lifts him and starts walking into the river.

He also flushes immediately. There are way too many points of contact between them right now, Jeremy is freaking out. Rich's face is on his chest and his arms are around his hips- Jeremy doesn't even want to think about his lower half right now. He's so caught up trying to calm down about how close he is to Rich that he forgets to freak out about how he's being dragged into the river. Until Rich adjusts enough to look up at Jeremy with a shit eating grin, and he starts to tip backwards, Jeremy still secure in his arms. Jeremy has time to let out just a single syllable before he crashes into the water on top of Rich.

Jeremy surfaces and gasps, his body a bit shocked by the sudden cold and rush of water. Rich is having a goddamn fit next to him, barely able to float because he's laughing so hard. Jeremy can touch the floor where he is so he doesn't have to worry about that while he sends a death glare to Rich. Rich gives him this oh-so-innocent face back, still laughing, and Jeremy has the urge to… do something. Retaliate, but how? It shouldn't be a question but it is because Jeremy instantly just thinks of kissing him. How easy would it be to just lean over and kiss Rich's nose, or to stop his laughter at the source and kiss him on the mouth. How romantic and sappy would that be?

Which is why Jeremy leans over and sends a huge splash of water at Rich's face with both hands.

Rich sputters and wipes water out of his eyes, but sends a wave back once he recovers, and they break out into a splashing war. Jeremy has the high ground though, literally. It's hard for Rich to fend off attacks and go on the offensive while he can't even touch the floor and is trying to stay afloat, so he makes a tactical retreat further out, over to one of the large rocks in the middle of the river. Or so Jeremy thinks it's a retreat. He cheers and gloats as Rich clambers up onto the boulder, but is quieted when Rich turns around with a grin. Jeremy can sense his doom. Rich jumps, curling his body into a tight ball, and lands just feet from Jeremy, sending a cascade of river water over his head. Jeremy concedes defeat, and floats dramatically on his back wiping water out of his eyes as Rich wades over to him.

"You've done it, you've defeated me, I'm dead. Bleeeh"

"Oh noooo, you were so young! What have I done!"

They both giggle a bit and then just float there, listening to the birds and the breeze and their own heartbeats. Looking up at the sky and the trees and just. Being. Together. It's nice, relaxing. The sun warms Jeremy's face, and spending this time with Rich warms his heart. He closes his eyes.

He likes this. He likes liking Rich. But mostly he's happy he didn't turn into the nervous mess he always was with Christine. It's probably because he was friends with Rich before catching feelings. He didn't go into it trying to impress him, he wasn't nervous about messing up Rich's perception of him, he never had to try to convince Rich that he's cooler than he actually is. That he's worth it. Rich saw him as he was and decided on his own that Jeremy was worth asking for forgiveness. That he was worth it to lay himself out and be vulnerable, so he could apologize. Rich decided on his own that Jeremy was worth _trying._

Jeremy wants to try. Wants to try being brave, to tell Rich how much all of that meant to him. Tell him how much Rich himself means to him. Jeremy wants to be brave enough to make Rich feel even half as good as he's made Jeremy feel, to tell him everything he admires about him, and likes about him, to compliment him every day like Rich started doing last year to try to build up the confidence he had spent the previous year tearing to shreds. Jeremy wants to be brave enough to tell Rich that that wasn't just some lame attempt at repent in Jeremy's eyes, it was a declaration every day from Rich that he wasn't going to treat him badly anymore, that things were going to be different, and that he didn't believe the things he used to say to Jeremy. A declaration that Rich cared enough about Jeremy to think of him every day, and to not care if people hear him or think he's weird or lame, or wishy washy. He talked Jeremy up as often as he could. Jeremy wants to talk Rich up, tell Rich that he's strong, and smart, and awe-inspiring, and a god damn role model. That Jeremy sees how hard he tries every damn day to be better, and that he is better, and really, he doesn't have to try so hard, he can take a break, Rich deserves a break. Rich has been trying so hard his whole life. 

But Jeremy isn't even brave enough to tell Rich the news yet. That he's bi, like him. He wants to. He wants Rich to be proud of him, he wants to share this part of himself with Rich, it's on the tip of his tongue as he floats there, probably getting a sunburn on his face. But he swallows it down for now. He needs to give it time to settle. He hasn't even fully uncovered it yet, it's only been a day, and Rich deserves the best so he'll wait until he can give that to him. He'll wait until he can give Rich the best.


	3. Chapter 3

August always feels like it goes by too fast, and pretty soon, school comes back around. Jeremy's senior year.

Jeremy was always so eager to make it here, his final year in the hell people call high school. He's been waiting to graduate for what feels like his whole life. School just wasn't made for him; since his terrible first day in 6th grade, Jeremy has never once walked into school on the first day _happy._ And since then, he figured he would hate school for the rest of his life...

And he was right! He walks into school on that first day already wanting to leave! These halls hold so many shitty memories! The only thing that brings him solace is the knowledge that next year, he'll never have to see the people who were complacent in his suffering ever again!

...

He _can_ also recognize though, that he's walking into a different school this year. The older kids who would scoff at him are gone, he's actually one of the oldest kids in the school now, and most importantly, he has _friends._ Multiple friends he's looking forward to seeing. Popular students don't intimidate or torment him anymore, he's free to be a regular guy instead of a freak or a loser. He doesn't have to cower or walk with his head down, he doesn't have to avoid eye contact. He's not scared to walk through these halls anymore. 

Him and Michael have pulled off to the side to discuss their schedules, where they'll be together, which teachers moved classrooms this year, and all of that, when they hear rapidly approaching footsteps. _Very_ rapid, someone, no- two people are running towards them. Jeremy looks up and only catches a flash of flannel and denim before Rich grabs Jeremy's shoulders and leaps over his back, while Christine comes in after him and crushes Jeremy in a hug. Jeremy can see Rich hug Michael from where his vision isn't yet black spots from lack of air. Christine squeezes tighter before backing away.

"Jeremy! Michael! Hi!!!" She bounces up and down very enthusiastically. Her hair is longer now, and it sways and flicks in all directions with her jumping. She moves over to Michael to give him his own back breaking hug no doubt, while Rich releases Michael and turns his (wonderful, sparkling, beautiful) smile onto Jeremy. He's struck for just a moment by it. The moment is rushed out though, along with all of the air he had just replenished in his lungs when Rich squeezes the ever loving shit out of him, much like Christine just prior. He would hug him back if his arms weren't pinned to his sides, so instead he settles on trying to wheeze out some words.

"Nice- urg- to see you guys too." It _is_ a wheeze. Rich releases him and punches his arm softly, fondly, smile never leaving his face. It seems these days, all Rich ever does is smile. Jeremy thinks he wants it to stay that way. Michael speaks up after Christine finishes strangling him.

"Jeez, you two act like you haven't seen us in years," Michael chuckles. Rich gasps.

"We HAVEN'T it's been so _long_ I'm _dying_ without my daily dose of Friendship!" Rich very dramatically throws his arm over his eyes and leans against the wall for support. Jeremy half-jokingly thinks he should try to convince Rich to do drama with him and Christine this year, but one look at Christine says she's thinking about it seriously. Jeremy thinks it would be fun to do drama with Rich. Perhaps he'll try to persuade him.

"You literally just saw me two days ago," Jeremy says, and indeed, only two days prior him and Rich had gotten ice cream together citing the 'last days of our last summer' as the excuse. Really they just wanted ice cream. And to hang out. Jeremy had spent the next day, the real last day, with Michael, just the way they always have, (video games of course) and the way they promised they always will. Jeremy's glad he got to keep that promise.

"Well _I_ didn't!" Christine shouts, and her hands find purchase on her hips, an indignant pout taking up her face. Jeremy smiles and hugs her again, Michael following suit, because she's right and she deserves hugs. That won't stop him from snarking her though.

"Not my fault you were at theater camp for most of August." Jeremy sticks his tongue out at her. She flicks him on the nose and the four of them laugh.

They wander the halls together and manage to find Jenna and Brooke being all mushy in a corner but they don't see Chloe or Jake before the bell rings, so they all just hope to meet up at lunch or see them in class.

Jeremy and Rich share a homeroom this year, not unlike previous years. They pick desks next to each other this time though. A quick comparison of schedules reveals they have quite a few classes together as well.

Jeremy doesn't think he's ever had a first day of school go so well. He's excited and relaxed, and _happy._ Rich looks like he's sharing some similar thoughts with Jeremy, as he smacks him lightly on the shoulder and turns forward, resting his head on his hand, trying to discreetly cover his mouth. Jeremy can see his smile though, Jeremy can always see that smile a mile away.

Jeremy goes to turn forwards too until he hears Rich speak softly, still turned away, "You look really nice today."

Jeremy stares at Rich but Rich refuses to look at him. And then Jeremy remembers the daily compliments last year and it all clicks into place. He smiles to himself, as he mimics Rich's posture, heart fluttering in his chest. Seems he's going to keep up the routine this year. As the teacher starts attendance, Jeremy wonders how long he's going to be able to keep his feelings a secret, if this is how Rich is going to be every day. Perhaps Jeremy can use this to his advantage though- certainly, two can play at that game. Jeremy has only ever said thank you in response to Rich's compliments, but this time, he pitches his voice into a whisper and directs it towards Rich.

"So do you."

Class starts before Rich can respond and Jeremy resolutely keeps his eyes on the teacher for the rest of it.

* * *

"Come on you guys, you said you were interested! You signed up!" Jeremy is in front of the auditorium doors with Rich and Michael, both looking a bit less than ecstatic to be there.

"Jere I can't just… it's weird to start something new in your senior year isn't it…? I don't know how to do tech…"

"It's not weird at all! And Michael, there's no one else doing tech, you have no one to impress, Mr. Reyes will teach you everything you need to know and you'll be free to experiment with it. You said you thought tech was cool?"

"I did but… hhhhh-" Michael makes a nervous noise in his throat as his only response.

"You guys will be fine! It's probably just me and Christine again this year, and need I remind you again, _you two signed up!!!"_

"Because you and Christine pestered us to! I'm not made for acting!" Rich exclaims.

"That is the most bullshit that's ever come out of your mouth," Jeremy says, pointing a finger at him, "not only does Christine agree that you lean naturally toward acting, we didn't even have to pester you! I asked you _once_ if you would do theater with me and you immediately said yes!" Rich's face colors at that and he looks away. Jeremy doesn’t know why that's embarrassing, but chalks it up to Rich's nerves. Michael is giving Rich a teasing look though. It reminds Jeremy of something that may help him with shoving his friends through the door. Jeremy fakes a loud sigh to get their attention. 

"Hey, it's alright, you don't have to do this," Jeremy says. Michael and Rich look a bit relieved, if kind of guilty. Jeremy levels a hard stare at Rich and continues. "Of course..." his gaze moves slowly, _purposefully_ to Michael, _"I'll mock you forever if you don't."_

Michael blanches at his own words being echoed back at him, mouth agape with offence, and Jeremy laughs. Rich doesn't quite get the joke but won't pass up an opportunity to laugh at his friend, and he chuckles alongside Jeremy. Rich is pulled out of his laugh though, literally, when Michael grumbles good naturedly and suddenly drags Rich in through the door with him by the hand, Jeremy still laughing not far behind.

Christine and Jenna look up at them, amused expressions on their faces. There are actually a few other people scattered around, probably underclassmen. This is a very different turnout than last year, Jeremy is kind of impressed.

"Hi guys. I heard your entire conversation through the door," Christine says. Jeremy's laughter is renewed. Christine waves them over and continues speaking. "It'll be fine guys! Pretty much everyone here is new this year!"

"Yeah," Jenna speaks up, "I mean, Rich I'm kind of in the same boat as you, right? I'm nervous too." She gives him a hesitant smile and a shrug. Rich sends her a similar smile back, seemingly appreciative of Jenna's solidarity. 

"And you all have me and Jeremy to help guide you through it!" Christine tacks on. It's Jeremy's turn to blanche. 

"W-what? What do you 'me and Jeremy'? I'm no expert! Yeah, I did the play last year but I didn't even perform on stage, and I barely knew my lines because the-" Jeremy stops as he notices the underclassmen's eyes on him. 

"You _did_ perform on stage last year, didn't you? You were the guy freaking out on the ground with him." The girl who speaks points at Michael, easy to recognize in that same red hoodie he always wears. "I thought you were good, it was really convincing..."

Jeremy laughs awkwardly. Right. The squips are kind of a secret. And everyone thinks Jeremy and Michael bursting onto center stage and freaking out over soda was part of the play. The reason the turnout this year is so good is that people thought the play was _good_ last year. Jeremy needs to watch his mouth.

"Uh- y-yeah, what I meant was- um…"

Christine looks like she's about to try to save him, when Mr. Reyes walks in and does it for her with an enthusiastic yell.

"Oh, great Gatsby, look how many of you there are! Welcome welcome, I'm Mr. Reyes!"

He continues on his normal spiel, introducing himself, talking about the club, being, like, kind of awkward. The usual. He announces the club is not doing a Shakespeare play this year, much to Christine's dismay, his explanation (excuse) being that he wanted to pick something more… beginner friendly. A look around the room confirms there are a few kids actually relieved by this. Jeremy is disappointed for Christine, but even he agrees trying to memorize poetic dialogue he barely understands is _hard,_ and the rewrite last year was… _weird._ Jeremy wonders what Mr. Reyes has picked this year. 

Incidentally he's not going to find out, as the man calls for everyone to simply introduce themselves and get to know each other while he takes a hot pocket break. Of course. Jeremy sighs internally.

"Ooo that man just will not give me a break," Christine fumes in her seat, a severe pout taking up residence on her face.

"Aww come on Chrissy, you can't just do Shakespeare for the rest of your life!" Rich tries. 

Jenna tries too, "Yeah! Expanding to other things is… good, right?" Christine is not having it.

"I CAN and I WOULD do Shakespeare for the rest of my life if Reyes would LET ME." 

She's about to intensify her expression but she drops it completely instead at Jenna's quiet, "Girl." Christine looks at Jenna and then back to the group and sighs.

"Oh well, I should probably lead introductions. A cast that doesn't know each other won't really work well together." And in a snap, Christine is cheery again as she gets up and calls attention to herself, saying she's going to start introductions. 

"Do I really have to do this if I'm not even gonna be in-" Michael tries, but Christine cuts him off.

"Shh, yes, the crew is just as important as the actors, Michael. Anyway!" She addresses the group as a whole again, and Jeremy notes that everyone very respectfully gives her their attention. At least these kids aren't rude. "I'll go first, my name is Christine, I'm a senior, and I've been doing theater basically my whole life so, yeah, all four years here at Middleborough. I love Shakespeare so I'm a little disappointed at Reyes' decision but regardless I love acting in general so I'm sure it's gonna be a fun show no matter what he picks! Theater is like, my whole life, I love it so much, I'm sure all of you will love it too! It's a great creative outlet, and it can help you improve your grades and personal skills so you all made a great choice coming here this year! I also like trying new things, like I do theater all the time because it's my favorite and it's pretty much ever changing anyway, but I'm no stranger to branching out and seeing how other people live and-!" Jeremy decides to spare the group a derailing of their objective, and he gently grabs at Christine's sleeve. She looks down at him quickly and understands. "And that's pretty much it I guess, so yeah you can just say your name, your year, things you like, and why you're doing theater this year! Jeremy you can go next!"

"Wha- me?"

"Yes you."

"Uh. Um, alright. So, I'm Jeremy, I'm a senior too, uhh I only started doing theater last year, so I'm not really an expert like Christine. Uh…" Jeremy looks up at Christine for a prompt but all he gets is eyebrows raised in attention. He turns back to the thankfully quiet underclassmen. "Um, I like video games?" Michael gives a little hell yeah at that and Jeremy smiles. "And I guess I'm doing theater this year because…" he can't _exactly_ tell the truth unfortunately, that he feels like he messed it all up last year and wants to do better. That he didn't _actually_ do much of anything last year, he didn't even know his lines, the squip did. He can tell half the truth though. "I had fun last year so I want to do it again." He punctuates his sentence with a little shrug. It was true, he liked the basics of theater and he wants to experience it for real this time. Jeremy thanks the heavens that no one seems to judge him for his nervous introduction and slow words. He passes the stage to Rich silently with a look, only to find Rich already looking at him (of course, since he was just speaking,) but Rich seems startled to have been caught. He then realizes it's his turn and promptly addresses the group.

"Oh, uh, hi, I'm Rich and I don't really know what I'm doing here." Jeremy elbows him. "Fuck, fine um. I'm Rich, I'm a senior, I like video games too…? I guess? I like flannels." That earns an amused titter, seeing as he's currently wearing a flannel. "And… uhh I mean, I was in theater last year but I didn't get to do the play because I was…" Rich gestures at his face, clearly referencing his scars there, "in the hospital. So yeah." Jeremy wants to lean over on him a bit to comfort him or ground him or whatever, just show support, but he's also acutely aware of the fact that he's in front of a lot of people right now, making introductions, and he really does not want to introduce everyone to a snapshot of his feelings. So instead he just looks at him, but Rich doesn't look back, too focused on his words. "I'm gonna… I'm gonna try again this year." Rich says it with a little smile and a shrug but Jeremy can feel a bit of weight behind those words. This time he does let himself clap rich on the shoulder softly, as the floor passes to Michael.

"Hi, I'm Michael and I'm not an actor." Way to go bud, getting it right out of the way and dispelling the nice soft atmosphere Rich had created. "I'm a senior and I guess I'm going to do tech this year…? I dunno I might not stick around…"

"Yes you are, I'm not letting you run away." Christine says coolly, arms crossed. The group titters once more and Michael pouts at her.

"Oh and I too, like video games," he finishes. Jenna pipes up then.

"What is this, games club? I thought this was theater." The whole group shares a little laugh at that one which Jenna seems pleasantly surprised by, and Michael playfully glares at her. Then it's the underclassmen's turns.

The next person introduces himself as Mark, a freshman, and he seems… very nervous. More nervous than Jeremy even. He stutters out that he likes video games too, and hockey. Jeremy never would have guessed but he's not going to question the poor kid. Mark finishes by saying he just kind of wanted to see what was up with theater, is all. He's looking down and fidgeting heavily, and Christine welcomes him warmly, probably hoping to ease some of his nerves.

There's just a bit of silence before the girl after Mark excitedly introduces herself as Allie, and says she's actually seen Christine at theater camp before. Christine gets very excited at that, and they briefly talk about how Christine thought she recognized her and they thought they'd seen each other in the halls and all that. Turns out Allie is also a freshman and turns out she really looks up to Christine! It's kind of cute.

The next girl (who Jeremy recognizes was the one to mention Jeremy _’was_ in the play last year') introduces herself as Larissa, a junior who just wants to try out a bunch of different kinds of art to see if any stick with her, which she uses as her interest and motive for being here. She also says though that she thought the play last year was really cool. Definitely part of the motive.

Then there's Farrah, a sophomore, who eagerly compliments Michael on his hoodie and patches instead of continuing the introduction. She points out a bunch of the patches she likes and Michael is kind of stunned and silent, relying entirely on his socially programmed manners to tell him to say thank you. He looks a bit like a deer in headlights, clearly not expecting the onslaught, and clearly unprepared to say anything back. Farrah uses his patches as a jumping point to her interests in music and movies, and promptly finishes her intro, smile on, and hands folded neatly in her lap, unperturbed by Michael's silence. Michael is still stunned, but the train keeps moving.

The next one over introduces himself as Gabe, a junior, and says he's here to do tech, as he looks over to Michael with a little smile. Seems Michael _won't_ be the only one in tech, woops. He says he likes techy science stuff already, and Irene didn't want to do theater by herself so it was a win-win for him to join. The girl next to him glares at him, but he just smiles and makes a motion for her to go.

The next one is Irene of course, a junior, who says she's just interested in seeing what the club is all about after the performance last year. Also that Gabe is going to buy her froyo for every day she attends. Gabe squawks, and everyone laughs.

And last but never the least anymore, is Jenna who admits that she just followed the popular kids into theater last year to be around them and keep up with the hot gossip, "but then I was actually kind of having fun and it turns out I really like theater and I want to improve! Christine is a good teacher too!" Christine puts a hand over her heart and aww's at Jenna. "As for interests…? Um, I am still a bit of a gossip, I admit, I'm on Twitter a lot, looking at the news and celebrity gossip… you can always ask me if you’re curious about the latest news, but I promise I'm trying to be better about respecting boundaries and keeping secrets!" Christine pats her shoulder. 

"You can show off your mad acting skillz to Brooke, too." Michael teases. Jenna huffs and points two fingers from her eyes to Michael, and Michael laughs. Christine claps.

"Alright well! That's it for introductions I guess! Mr. Reyes will probably be back in a bit but he'll most likely dismiss us immediately so I guess just talk amongst yourselves now that we all know each other!" Christine immediately bee-lines it toward Allie, probably to catch up and talk about camp. Everyone mostly turns to the people next to them to talk, except Farrah and Gabe who, like Christine, bee-line to Michael. Michael looks terrified at the prospect of talking to TWO strangers, but Jeremy's attention is taken when he hears Rich sigh and when he looks over, he's slumped in his chair.

"What's up?"

"I'm exhausted. I've never been so low key nervous in my life, how do you do it?" Rich sighs.

"Oh I just die." It's a very stupid response, barely even a joke, but Rich laughs anyway and Jeremy is still proud of himself. He just sits there, smiling down at Rich and his abundance of extra chins as he slumps literally halfway off of his chair, fingers drumming his stomach. Rich looks up at him.

"What?"

Jeremy panics.

"Nice chins." 

...Jeremy panicked.

Rich just looks at him for a second before laughing cutely and then making a face that exaggerates the chinception while wiggling his brows suggestively. Jeremy laughs too and kicks Rich's foot with his own, dislodging one of the only things keeping him on his chair. Rich's wide-eyed panic, adorable yelp, and his hand gripping Jeremy's thigh for balance are entirely worth the threat of retribution. It's such a simple, friendly moment, but Jeremy doesn't think he'll ever get tired of laughing with Rich.

Soon enough, just as Christine predicted, Mr. Reyes returns and quickly dismisses rehearsal. Everyone says their goodbyes, and since Jeremy is riding with Michael they exit together. Rich follows them. Michael very quickly turns on Jeremy the second they're out the door, eyebrows down, and finger pointed at Jeremy.

"YOU!" The finger jabs at Jeremy, "You traitor, you left me all alone to talk to a bunch of people I don't know!" Michael is definitely yelling at Jeremy, but he can tell Michael isn't actually that upset by it, thankfully. 

"Michael, it was like, two pe-"

"I was sending you silent cries for help! And you would have seen my meaningful looks if you weren't too busy making goo-goo eyes at Rich!" He yells. Jeremy's face colors instantly. 

"Michael!!!" Jeremy squawks and tries to convey the silent 'what the fuck bro?!' In his glare, but Rich is just laughing next to him.

"Awww, you jealous I'm stealing your boy, Mikey?"

"Rich!!!" Jeremy covers his face with his hands while Michael and Rich laugh at his embarrassment. Totally unfair.

"You weren't the only one making eyes though, Jeremy," Jeremy glares at Michael through his fingers but he just keeps going, "that freshman, Mark? Was staring at you like, the entire time."

Jeremy uncovers his face and looks questioningly at Michael, "What?"

"Yeah man, that nervous kid. Just. Mooning after you." At that Jeremy shoves Michael lightly and rolls his eyes.

"Yeah right, shut up."

"I'm serious though! He was watching you with this, like, _look,_ the entire time! Like he wanted to go talk to you or something. Like he was nervous to." 

"The kid looked nervous the entire time, it probably wasn't just about Jeremy," Rich says, more subdued than expected. Jeremy figured Rich would eagerly hop onto that easy teasing material? He isn't even looking at him. There's a too-long stretch of silence after that of both Michael and Jeremy being surprised at Rich's change in demeanor, but before either can salvage the conversation, they reach their cars. Rich switches right back to his normal self in an instant, which doesn't exactly help reassure Jeremy at all.

"See you guys tomorrow!" Rich's smile looks normal and he waves happily at them as he climbs into his truck. Jeremy and Michael look at each other for a moment before waving back and getting into Michael's Cruiser. They drive off in different directions and Jeremy sighs.

"I wonder what was up with Rich there," Jeremy says.

Michael just shrugs and makes a noncommittal noise. Jeremy looks over at him, brows furrowed. Michael's face is blank and relaxed but Jeremy can tell it's on purpose. That Michael is putting effort into looking blank and relaxed. Jeremy thought him and Michael were on the same page with Rich's weird behavior but now Michael is acting weird too. Like he knows something Jeremy doesn't… Jeremy isn't in the mood to pry though so he just lets it be and tries to let go of all the weird feelings the past couple of minutes brought on.

Mark… Jeremy sees a bit of himself in Mark, mostly in the nerves, but if Mark actually is interested in Jeremy then wouldn't that be funny. If Mark wanted to get close to Jeremy the same way Jeremy wanted to get close to Christine. Jeremy finds that both humors him and scares him, considering the lengths he went through to get Christine to notice him… and considering Jeremy… isn't interested in him. Like, yeah, he's already got enough on his plate with Rich Feelings™ but also Mark is a freshman and Jeremy is about to turn 18 in a couple of weeks (oh god he doesn't want to think about it) so Mark is really just. Too young. Jeremy feels kind of bad but he knows he would never be able to return his feelings. Nevertheless he's flattered.

That is! _If_ Mark even feels that way about him! Wow, how presumptuous can you get, right? Michael was probably just making fun of Jeremy and Mark wasn't even looking at him at all, how would Jeremy know? He was staring at Rich like a fool the entire time! Michael was probably just trying to cover up his implication he made that Jeremy has feelings for Rich, that's all he was doing, no one was giving him any looks, why is even worrying about anything? 

God Jeremy is too tired for this. He leans his head against his seatbelt and stares out the window for the rest of the ride to his house, letting the soothing reggae wash his swirling thoughts away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY admittedly not my best chapter what with the oc dump, but it had to be done. the next chapter has some stuff so ill post it like, tomorrow or something to make up for it. thanks for reading :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another one today, like i promised. i hope yall enjoy this chapter!

It's unseasonably cold the next time Rich and Jeremy hang out, which isn't too long after that first play rehearsal. They're at Jeremy's house playing video games on his bed, huddled in sweatshirts. There was no rehearsal that day so they decided to hang out. Michael's strict grandparents are visiting for dinner so he unfortunately couldn't join them this time. They're tired from school, and they're not getting super into the game, mostly just mashing buttons and half-assing maneuvers, nor are they talking too much either, just hanging out, until Rich does speak up.

"Hey when's your birthday?"

"The 21st."

Rich gasps and looks at him. "This month!?"

"Yeah?"

"Dude!" Rich smacks his arm. "Why didn't you tell anyone!? That's like, a week and a half away!"

Jeremy shrugs. The only people he's ever celebrated his birthday with have known him long enough to remember his actual birth date. He never even thought about the fact that he'd have to tell his new friends when his birthday is. Whoops. Oh well.

"It's not like we have to do anything."

"Uh yeah we do? Oh my god are you turning 18?"

"Yeah…" Jeremy shifts a bit, still intimidated by the fact that he's going to be a legal adult soon. He doesn't know how long it'll take him to get used to that idea. Rich starts bouncing in place next to Jeremy.

"Then fuck yeah we have to do something! We have to have a party! Or take you out or something! Dude!" Rich rapidly pats Jeremy's thighs at that and it's too close for Jeremy to keep his attention on the game Rich has full out abandoned, so he pauses it and looks at Rich. Rich is- of course- smiling up a storm. "What do you usually do on your birthday?"

"Uhh, usually just dinner with dad and the Mells. Some cake after." The last time he had a big celebration for his birthday was his bar mitzvah. After that he didn't have parties anymore, mostly because he didn't exactly have a lot of friends. It was just him and Michael from then on and Jeremy… isn't sure how to have a normal party anymore, as absolutely pathetic as that sounds. "I know it probably sounds kind of lame but, I dunno, it's just what we've done for the past few years."

"Hey," Rich says kindly, "it's not lame. First of all, it's your birthday so you should celebrate however you want, and second of all, you know what my home life is like, you can imagine how my birthdays went. My only experience with good birthdays comes from sophomore year." Rich looks away with a sad smile. That makes Jeremy feel… well mostly bad for Rich, but it does succeed in giving him one positive feeling in the form of camaraderie. He expresses these feelings by giving Rich a thankful smile tinged with sympathy and sincerity, while trying to not make it look like pity. It's a lot for one face, but Rich parses the emotions perfectly, as he always seems to be able to do nowadays, and bumps against Jeremy with his own sincere smile. 

Rich decides to completely abandon video games in favor of interrogating Jeremy, pulling his feet up to sit cross legged on the bed, facing Jeremy entirely. He's bouncing in place again too, excitement back in full force. "So what do you want for your birthday?" He asks. 

Jeremy's traitorous brain gives him only a single word in response, _you,_ but Jeremy slam dunks that into the trash as quickly as it came. Shut the fuck up brain, it's time for real conversations, not fantasy ones. He shrugs, leaning back on his arms.

"You don't have to get me anything." 

Rich rolls his eyes before leveling a very flat look at Jeremy. "Uh, yeah I do, come on, what do you want?"

_You, you, you, you, you, you-_ Jeremy sighs, face coloring, "I-I'll get back to you if I think of anything." Rich pouts at him. Jeremy pokes his cheek before he can think better of it. Indeed, it proves to be a fatal mistake, but not in the way Jeremy expects.

Rich looks at him with a challenge in his eyes for only a second before leaning over and poking Jeremy in the side which elicits an incredibly high pitched squeak out of him. Jeremy's face goes scarlet and he freezes, arms wrapped around his side. Jeremy is… _very_ ticklish and he's just accidentally given that information to Rich.

Rich has the face of a predator that's just drawn blood. Jeremy gets only a second to see it before Rich tackles him and digs his fingers into Jeremy's sides. And of course, Jeremy can't help but laugh and squirm, and he very quickly feels like he's running out of breath but Rich doesn't stop, just laughs alongside him and continues his vicious attack. Jeremy falls back on his bed, desperately laughing and trying to claw his way out of Rich's reach but he gets nowhere and instead just makes his entire torso vulnerable. Another fatal mistake Rich takes immediate advantage of, and Jeremy's laughs double as Rich's hands find their new real estate. He vaguely feels legs grip him on either side of his hips, trapping him. Jeremy tries to kick out, but for once, his long legs are useless; Rich is hovering right over him, out of Jeremy's leg range. His arms aren't strong enough to push Rich away either, or at least they're not while he’s is incapacitated by giggles, so he's taken to just flailing them around and trying to deter Rich with half-assed slapping. It obviously doesn't work. Jeremy thinks Rich has been talking to him through this whole thing, like, demanding to know what he wants for his birthday or whatever, but he’s is gasping way too hard to even think about replying.

Eventually though, Jeremy actually runs out of air and starts to get light headed, so he gasps out what he can to communicate that he's actually dying, and Rich seems to understand as he ceases his attack. Jeremy immediately flops his arms and legs down in relief, closes his eyes, and just pants heavily, trying to replenish his lungs with air. It's yet another mistake when Jeremy opens his eyes as he's met with a stunning view of Rich still straddling him, sitting back on Jeremy's lower abdomen, and breathing a bit heavy himself. Jeremy doesn't know what to make of his expression. Rich is backlit by Jeremy's window, his pupils dark and wide, his mouth slightly slack, cheek slightly pink, and he's staring right down at Jeremy. He can't read the expression at all and yet he feels himself mirroring it. He can hazard a guess as to how he looks, lying under Rich, sweatshirt riding up his stomach, hair probably a mess, gaze just as intense and full of… _something._ Whatever this fragile moment is being persevered in right now, whatever it is that's drawing Rich and Jeremy to each other like magnets.

The moment really is fragile though, as Jeremy can hear it crack apart when a loud knock echoes from his door. Jeremy bolts upright and violently tugs his sweatshirt down with one hand while the other brushes his hair back. To his credit though, Rich actually launches himself off of Jeremy so hard he tumbles right off the end of the bed onto the floor at the same time. And that is how Mr. Heere finds them. Jeremy sitting semi-normally, if looking a bit flushed, and Rich sprawled on the floor upside down, his feet still hanging on the bed, both looking wide-eyed at the door.

"Ow," Rich says, delayed. Jeremy can't help but snort a bit at that.

"...Are you alright, Rich?" Mr. Heere asks, an eyebrow raised, definitely a little concerned about the oddities he's walked into but also clearly trying to mind his business. Rich gives him an awkward thumbs up from the floor.

"Yes sir."

"Alright, well I just came up to ask if you'd be staying for dinner tonight?"

"Oh yeah, it's veggie night isn't it?" Jeremy chimes in. "Did you want me to help?" Since last year, the Heere household worked out a loose dinner schedule to make sure they were not only eating together sometimes, but also eating healthier meals. It's been working really well and has improved their relationship too. Jeremy's pretty proud of the both of them.

"Nah, that's okay, son, I've got it. Richard?"

"Oh! Uh, yeah? I'd love to stay, if that's… cool…?" Rich has sat up by this point and looks at Jeremy in question. Jeremy nods.

"Okay then, I'll make enough for three. We're having a new vegetable medley I found online. Wish me luck!" With that, Mr. Heere salutes and exits, not closing the door all the way.

Rich and Jeremy sit in silence for a minute, letting the situation sink in.

Jeremy is parsing through what just happened. Easy answer: a tickle fight. Kind of silly, kind of intimate, can definitely something friendly. Platonic or familial, yeah? Yeah... If it's supposed to be an innocent thing though then what the hell was that… _moment_ between them? And why can't Jeremy stop thinking about the feeling of Rich on top of him? The _look_ of Rich on top of him, arms resting on either thigh, legs apart, his brown eyes, normally warm and soft turning sharp and piercing in that moment, pinning him with his gaze. The heavy weight of anticipation, of _something_ that could happen in a moment. The heavy weight of _Rich_ sitting just too low on Jeremy to ignore… Jeremy thanks the high heavens he doesn't pop a boner at every soft breeze anymore like when he was 15 but he can't say he's entirely comfortable right now, which is not a state he wants to be in when the instigator is sitting just feet away, (hopefully) completely unaware of how he's made Jeremy feel. Unaware of his current thoughts. The room is starting to feel stuffy with everything in Jeremy's mind going unsaid, and he feels the distinct need to leave. He's about to announce his plans to do so, excuse on the tip of his tongue, when Rich beats him to it, standing abruptly and gaping at Jeremy for a moment before speaking.

"I need some water!" Rich's shoulders are drawn up a bit more than usual and his hands are clenched into fists. He tries to smile casually, Jeremy can tell, but it looks much more like a grimace. He looks very distinctly _uncomfortable._ Rich darts his eyes to the side and then nods to himself as he starts to head to the door and Jeremy realizes he didn't respond. Just started at him like a creep.

"Oh! Uh! Y-yeah, yeah, cool, fine." Awful. Rich shuts the door softly behind him and Jeremy is left with his terrible traitorous thoughts. 

Uncomfortable, of course Rich would be uncomfortable with getting into a situation like that with Jeremy, Jeremy's the only weirdo here that would actually _enjoy_ something like that and ponder if there was ~something more~ in Rich's ~gaze~. Rich doesn't feel that way about him, and he probably feels hella awkward about accidentally pinning Jeremy to his bed, and Jeremy's obvious as fuck reaction to it, god dammit, fucking hell.

Maybe... Rich isn't that uncomfortable though? I mean what was so weird about a tickle fight anyway? Jeremy has sat on Rich's lap before, seen him shirtless, _massaged_ him shirtless, hell they've hugged shirtless too. Rich willingly pressed his entire bare torso against Jeremy's, but this is the breaking point? No way. He agreed to stay for dinner! Jeremy must be reading too far into it. Though... then Jeremy remembers that probably doesn't mean much considering Rich's dad is an asshole and if Jeremy were in Rich's shoes he would absolutely persevere through a little awkwardness if it meant not having to go home to _that_ yet. Also in none of those previous moments between them did Jeremy ever… _lustfully_ gaze at Rich and then get stuck in his less than platonic thoughts… 

Rich did just flee the room. He said it was to get water but what if he just left instead. What if he only agreed to dinner out of habit and regretted it instantly and went downstairs and apologized to his dad, saying oops! he actually has to head home right now immediately because being around awkward clingy horny Jeremy is just too much also he's never coming back here again bye.

Jeremy sighs and leans back onto his pillows. He grinds his hands into his eyes, trying to ground himself, and pull him out of his thoughts. Let's not go down that road prematurely now, Rich definitely seemed uncomfortable but he also most definitely just went downstairs to get water, probably so he could collect himself and stop being uncomfortable. Jeremy can take this time to do the same thing. There's no use worrying about things too soon, he will cross any bridges he needs to when he actually gets to them, and not a moment before. 

Rich returns a bit later with two glasses of water. Jeremy is still lying down with his hands over his eyes. 

"You good?" Rich asks. Jeremy sits up and nods, vigilant. Rich offers him a glass, and Jeremy takes it, gingerly sipping before setting it on his bedside table. Rich sits down on the end of the bed, too far away. "Your dad says dinner will be ready in a bit."

"Ah."

Jeremy fiddles with his thumbs in his lap, waiting for Rich to make a move so he can know which bridge he needs to cross. And like always, Rich takes the initiative. 

"I'm uh… I'm sorry if I made you… uncomfortable…" 

What?

"What?"

"With the- uh… tickling… I'm sorry." Rich is looking at his lap, swirling his water around in the glass. _He's_ sorry? Jeremy didn't expect this at all, didn't foresee _Rich_ crossing the bridge instead of him. Friendship not over, this is suddenly completely salvageable. 

"It didn't make me uncomfortable at all!" And now its unsalvageable again, way to go you desperate fuckin dolt. Jeremy smacks his face with his hand. "I mean, it's fine, it's totally fine, I thought _I had_ made it awkward… somehow…" Nice save. "...I didn't blame you at all, you didn't do anything wrong." He really didn't, it's not Rich's fault Jeremy caught feelings that make him read too far into shit. Rich doesn't look entirely convinced, and Jeremy is honestly just confused about the whole situation. He doesn't understand why Rich would think he's done anything wrong, Jeremy is the one with feelings, right? He's the one making this weird? He kind of just wants to escape this terrible atmosphere and go back to being buds.

And Rich, wonderful, blessed Rich, does exactly that. It's completely transparent, the way he screws his face into something cheery, something _normal,_ how obviously he's just ignoring whatever _that_ was and hoping Jeremy plays along. But play along Jeremy will because right now Rich is an absolute savior, being the brave one and trying to create an out for them both to take. Rich stands up energetically. 

"Well! Dinner should probably be ready soon, so we can head downstairs if you want." Rich looks casual but that death grip on his glass of water is clearly yelling at Jeremy to please please please take the out. Not like Jeremy is gonna argue with that. 

"Yeah! Alright we can set the table or whatever." Jeremy pauses. "Or... actually make sure we have clean dishes in the first place." Jeremy tries for a little joke...

"Pff-" ...and it lands! Rich snorts and just that tiny laugh, that metaphorical acceptance of the olive branch Jeremy presented with that tiny joke completely dispels the weird atmosphere, almost like it was never there. Rich and Jeremy shove at each other as they descend the stairs, trading jabs and jokes and it's all normal again. Jeremy can't help the relief that comes through in his smile.

Dinner is normal too. The food tastes fine, there are no awkward silences, and Jeremy and Rich signed a silent agreement to forget that earlier awkward stuff happened. Well, Jeremy doesn't exactly want to forget… _all_ of it. In fact, he'll probably revisit the images burned into his memory many times to come but for now, he casts out questions and weird feelings and just enjoys having dinner with his dad and his friend.

At the end of the night, when Rich needs to leave, Rich gives Jeremy a hug, as usual, and if it feels slightly different, slightly off center of their normal platonic ones, neither comment on it. Rich climbs into his truck like normal, waves at Jeremy like normal, and honks the horn quickly a few times to say goodbye, just like normal. Everything is fine.

* * *

"Oh my god dude."

"What?"

"You nerd, he likes you too!"

"Shut up, Michael."

"You shut up! I swear to god you two are doing that thing where you both like each other but you're both convinced the other ~can't feel the same way~ because of dumb made up reasons-"

"Shut up! I regret telling you!"

Michael just laughs at him and Jeremy can't even blame him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was hinted at last chapter, but yeah, i headcanon jeremy as a virgo mostly just because of the virgin joke lol, but also virgos can be anxious! its a trait! i think in this story at least i hc rich as... a taurus, maybe.  
anyway, i accept a lot of different headcanons for the vague reasons jeremy seems to not have his license and michael does but jeremy still drives himself to the halloween party. in the book theres real explanations, but in the show its up to you! for this story, we just say that jeremy got his license later in junior year, 17 years old, but doesnt have a car yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha remember that crying tag i put on this fic? here it comes :)
> 
> DON'T @ me about the play i chose, i just went on a fucking site and picked some shit, cuz fuck learning shakespeare in a month, that aint real lmao

Mr. Reyes got a free copy of a script for some play called "Typecast" so that's the show they're doing. No use arguing with a free script. Christine isn't too disappointed anymore, she says she's done this show at theater camp before and she had fun with it, so at least she's placated. "Auditions" come and go, and literally everyone who wanted one gets a part because they barely have enough people to cover the quota anyway. 

Jeremy got cast as a girl, which he would feel weirder about if Rich and Mark hadn't also been cast as girls. All the characters are girls so it was kind of inevitable. Reyes, the king of rewrites, however, says he's simply going to rewrite the characters to be boys, "no need to worry." Jeremy wasn't _that_ worried but at least he'll get to wear his normal clothes on stage.

That was a few days ago, now they've already done a couple of read throughs of the edited script. They're attempting first blocking of a scene neither Rich nor Jeremy have lines in, so they're sitting to the side. Jeremy is a bit disappointed that he and Rich don't really have any lines together, but at least they can sit out together. Rich has more pressing concerns.

"I still can't believe I have this many fucking lines," Rich whispers, lisp out in full force, flipping through his script. Jeremy learned his lesson about talking during rehearsal last year, but it seems Rich did not. At least he's whispering. "What the _fuck_ was Reyes thinking?" Jeremy is about to respond when he sees Mr. Reyes send a death glare at Rich, who is still flipping frantically through his book mumbling to himself. Jeremy elbows him in the side.

"OW- What the fuck, Jer-?" Rich notices the glare and shuts up immediately, shooting a sheepish grin at Reyes. "Sorry."

Rehearsal continues. Jeremy is honestly pretty concerned about Rich, he's never been the nervous type. That role usually falls to Jeremy, but Rich has taken all of the nerves out of the atmosphere and left none for him to feel. He's pretty okay with his part, which is just weird. He should be the one freaking out, not Rich. Jeremy wants to help him.

He lightly and discreetly writes on the back of his script: _'you seem nervous'_ and slides it over to Rich. Rich slides it back after a second.

_'I am'_

_'talk after rehearsal?'_

_'sure'_

Jeremy is satisfied with that. He looks over to where Gabe is excitedly chatting with Michael and notes that Michael seems to be getting comfortable around him. He was expecting to need to give Michael pep talks and assurances but it seems he's doing alright by himself, maybe making a new friend? For Michael's sake, Jeremy is happy, but also thank god he doesn't have to worry about Michael being nervous too, Rich is enough of a conundrum.

Jeremy is pulled out of his thoughts by a scene change and he's needed on center stage. Jeremy is playing a character who has always been too nervous to actually have a speaking part in productions, and only ever played ensemble roles but accidentally gets cast as a lead. Jeremy is, ironically, pretty confident in his ability to act nervous and he breezes through his scene, making and taking suggestions for line delivery and minor blocking. His partner in this scene is Christine, and even though her character is yelling at him, he's feeling pretty good. Until the script calls for him to do push ups. He hasn't done push ups since the squip made him and he can't even do a single one anymore. Mr. Reyes tells him they'll work on it later and for now to just lay down and read his lines. It's completely ridiculous and Jeremy can pick out Rich's chuckles specifically from the low laughter that comes from the rest of the cast. He shoots a glare over to him and Rich gives him an innocent look, dramatically batting his eyelashes. Jeremy intensifies the glare but in truth, he's happy to see Rich laugh.

The scenes focus shifts from Jeremy's character to Rich's though, halfway through, so Rich sobers up pretty quick while Mr. Reyes yells down at Michael and Gabe to note a possible light switch in this scene. Jeremy has to keep background acting, so he continues to lie on the floor, while trying to also watch Rich speak.

Rich delivers his lines fine, definitely not comfortable with the character yet, which is to be expected, but he even moves his arms around a bit, and he doesn't look all that nervous. Maybe he's just nervous about memorizing all the lines? Jeremy contemplates how he's going to approach Rich after rehearsal, and in fact he's so busy staring at Rich and not looking at the script, he completely misses his stage directions. Christine kindly kicks him and Mr. Reyes calls out his directions to him. Jeremy, slightly embarrassed- not at missing his cue- but missing it _because he was staring at Rich,_ hurriedly leaps up, reads his directions, and follows them, curling up into a ball further to the side of the stage. Luckily for Jeremy, that's the last of it, and he just has to sit there. He keeps his eyes mostly on the script this time but does have a fun time hearing Jenna aggressively call out little freshman Allie in character. His last stage direction comes, and he 'exits' with the rest of the cast, leaving Jenna, Allie, and Rich on the stage. After another discussion about push ups, they resume the scene without them. Once again, Rich looks fine. His character has a nice little moment of development and the scene goes well. Mr. Reyes even tells them so, before deciding to end rehearsal there. They have a brief notes sharing and then everyone is left to leave. Jeremy immediately finds Rich and raises his eyebrows at him in question. Rich pauses before sighing.

"Yeah fine, let's go we can talk outside."

He asks Michael to wait up for him but Rich insists he can drive Jeremy home instead, and Michael concedes. Rich and Jeremy head to the parking lot. Jeremy has the urge to grab hold of Rich's hand the entire walk, but he refrains from doing so.

Rich only begins talking when they're on the road.

"So what's up?"

"I should be asking you that. You remember I'm supposed to be the nervous one in the group, right? You stealing my job?"

Rich laughs at that, thankfully, and waits a bit before replying. The mood in the truck turns a bit somber. 

"I'm just. New to this you know?" Rich looks over at him, and he just looks back, waiting for Rich to continue. He does. "I have more to memorize than I thought I would and…" he pauses, "it doesn't exactly help that Myra- or Matt I guess, reminds me of… myself… squip and all."

Jeremy is… surprised. He had seen the similarities between Rich and his character but he only thought that would make the part easier to play. It didn't even cross his mind that it might make him uncomfortable. Rich isn't done though. 

"And like, I dunno, I really don't want to mess this up! Between being reminded of how I used to act and knowing I don't even have that personality to fall back on to keep me secure anymore, it's making it easier for me to be nervous about this, I guess." Rich looks upset, his hands tight around the steering wheel, eyebrows pinched together. 

Jeremy is a mess of a bunch of emotions right now. First of all, he's sad Rich is so nervous and upset about it, but secondly… _jeez,_ Rich works harder than god sometimes, in Jeremy's opinion. Rich doesn't want to mess up the play. Rich cares about his part, he cares so much more about making this thing work than anyone else is ever going to realize. And Jeremy _knows_ it's all part of Rich's leftover guilt too. Jeremy knows the reason Rich cares so much, the reason he's trying so hard, is to make up for the time he was squipped. And god, Jeremy still really respects Rich for that, for being braver than him, but now he also kind of wants to slap him in the face. It seems Jeremy has no choice but to be the brave one now.

"Rich. You don't have to like, make up for anything, you know that, right?" Jeremy says, and Rich's startled face and quick glance at Jeremy confirms he was right on the money. "Dude you're-" Jeremy sighs trying to gather his thoughts, "I see how hard you try. Everyday." Rich's grip tightens. "And I… I know you still feel guilty… and maybe even ashamed, and you work to make up for it every day and I think it's- I really admire you for that, you know? You take so much responsibility, and you're always trying so hard to be better, and I can see that, and it's paying off but... but, god, you don't have to try _so hard,_ Rich. You don't have to live like you're responsible for everything, and you don't have to… you don't have to like, sacrifice your feelings to make room for everyone else's, you know? Ugh- I..." 

Jeremy pauses, having trouble connecting his thoughts, "I just- I see you hold yourself back sometimes, and I see you taking a backseat to everyone else sometimes, and now you're acting like you need to be this, like, perfect actor, and hold the whole play together, like if you mess up even once you'll be back to your old self and nothing will have mattered but… you don't have to! You're allowed to mess up! You can try new things, you can quit, you can get mad, and be upset, you can be happy, and have fun, you're _allowed_ to have fun, Rich, you don't owe anything to anyone, you just have to be yourself- you…" Jeremy takes a breath, "You don't have anything to prove, Rich. Not anymore. You already apologized, you already made up for it, you’ve done enough, you've done _so_ much, and everyone can see it. I can see it." 

Jeremy finally looks over, and oh geez he's crying what the fuck oh god oh shit what did he do. Jeremy flails and makes a helpless noise and Rich then notices he's been caught crying. He chuckles a bit. It's watery, but a chuckle nonetheless.

"Sorry, dude, I guess, we shouldn't have had this conversation while driving." Rich laughs again and pulls off to the side of the road. Once safely parked he wipes his eyes and sniffs a few times and Jeremy is just sitting there, hands hovering around uselessly, entirely unsure of what to do.

"I- I'm sorry-" he tries.

"No." Rich cuts him off. "No, please don't say sorry, please." Rich wipes his eyes. They're horribly red-rimmed, and his cheeks are splotchy, and a little puffy. "I just… I feel kind of… gross, sometimes." Jeremy doesn't get it, which is unusual, so he waits for Rich to elaborate. "The person I was before the squip, and the person I was with the squip are two horribly different people. I was… sad, and alone, and scared _all the time_ in freshman year. And I-" he sniffles a bit, "I know I'm better off without that abusive microchip but… but when I was squipped I was… confident, and wild, and energetic! It felt less like creating a new persona and more like letting this whole other part of myself out." He gets more choked up at that and Jeremy thinks he's finally starting to understand. "I- fuckin… I kind of… _like_ who I was with the squip." Fresh tears pool in Rich's scared eyes and Jeremy finally gets it. "And like, that's fucked up? That’s so fucked up, right? And I hate that I was a jerk and a bully, I hate the things I _did_ squipped but… I miss… I miss the confidence, and the recklessness, and the energy. I want to be that again but like? I don't? At the same time. I don't want to be the old me, I hate that guy, and- and I hate my time with the squip, you said I was always holding back? I am! Because I keep trying to act that way again but I just-? I don't know, I don't know what I want. I don’t know who I want to be." Rich's words deteriorate into tears. Jeremy knows... exactly how Rich is feeling, even if not to the extent he feels it. Jeremy had never even let himself even think these thoughts fully, always shutting them down in his head before they could fully form, but Rich is right. Jeremy knows he is.

"Me too…"

Rich looks up at him, teary eyed, surprised. "Wha-?"

"Me too. I may not have been a bully but I _was_ a straight up jerk with the squip. I flat out ignored Michael and then when he still tried to help me I yelled at him on my own. No squip prompting me, I cast away my best friend. I yelled at my dad, I used Brooke to climb a social ladder, I used _you_ too. The squip let out every bad trait in me I usually suppressed but I… I was… _confident,"_ Rich notices the echo of his own words, "and I didn't freak out at the tiniest of things, and I always had something to say, and god dammit I finally had a _group_ of friends. I was finally a normal person instead of just some gross lonely loser. Rich, how could I not miss that? How could _you_ not miss that?"

Rich has been staring at him the whole time, attention rapt, wet eyes never leaving his face. Now, his eyes unfocus a bit, as he thinks about what Jeremy just said. Jeremy reaches over and gently, so so subtly, places his hand over Rich's. 

"It's alright to miss the good while recognizing the bad, I think… I mean I've definitely changed a bit since the squip. I still have a friend group, I have an easier time stopping my runaway thoughts and controlling my anxiety, and maybe _because_ of those two things, I feel more confident. Just, like, every day, you know? I'm not like, deathly afraid of judgment from my peers anymore, I'm not constantly thinking about my every move anymore." Jeremy shrugs and tries for a smile. Rich just looks away.

That won't do, so Jeremy grabs onto his hand fully, and that gets him to look up again. "Rich, I meant it. You don't have to hold yourself back for other people's sake."

"But you're-"

"Over it. Rich you didn't just apologize to me, you full on repented, every single day, since the second you got out of that hospital. Every day I saw how careful and calculated your actions were and…” Jeremy realizes something, “I never said thank you... Thank you for that, Rich, thank you for being cautious for me, and looking out for me, and making sure I was never uncomfortable, but Rich? That was a year ago. You've done enough, you don't have to break your back for me, god please _don't,_ I appreciate the time you gave me to heal, but it's done! I'm healed, you made up for the bullying, we're friends now, I _like_ being your friend, I _like you-_ uh, I just. If you want to keep some traits you discovered while you were squipped, that's your decision! I know it feels gross, and bad, and the possibility of like… I dunno, _relapsing,_ is scary, but if you're trying to improve yourself, then I think it doesn't really matter where those positive traits came from. What matters is just, bettering yourself." Jeremy sighs. "Please, it was good when it was fresh, but please don't worry about other people so much,” he looks up at Rich, eyes sincere, “you _deserve_ the same care and attention you've been giving everyone else.

"Jeremy-" Rich whimpers. He's started to cry fully again, and he quickly forgoes words in favor of pulling Jeremy into a hug. Jeremy is surprised, and the hug is awkward due to the distance and the seatbelts holding them back, so Rich unbuckles himself and all but climbs into Jeremy's lap, squeezing him tightly and burying his face in Jeremy's neck.

_"Thank you."_ Rich's voice is small, and scratchy, and muffled. "I don't deserve- you're the only one who- _thank you."_ He is fully crying into Jeremy's neck, and Jeremy wraps his arms around Rich tightly, one hand coming up to rest on the back of his head and pat lightly at his hair, the other drawing soothing shapes into Rich's back, and Rich cries. Jeremy is vaguely reminded of that one time, during the summer, when he'd asked too-sensitive questions and ended up patting Rich's back while Rich held back. Maybe this means Rich won't hold back anymore. Or maybe he still will. Hopefully, whatever he does, he’ll be able to make the decision more freely.

Jeremy has never been a sympathy crier, that title always went to Michael, but as Rich shakes and cries and repeats little phrases, over and over, _"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. For everything,"_ Jeremy can feel himself getting misty. It's his turn to hold back though, and he continues to sooth Rich, mumbling back little, _"it's okay"s_ and _"you're alright"s._

They already did the apology thing in junior year, for the bullying and the squips and all that shit, but that discussion was fair and diplomatic. They sat down and talked about everything and extended apologies and forgiveness. It was emotional, but they never did this. They never actually talked about _feelings_ or anything, they didn't think they needed to. They didn't think they wanted to. But it seems they were wrong, and this was a long time coming. Jeremy doesn't really know what else to do besides just hold Rich, so he holds him and hopes it's enough. 

Rich calms down again, and his grip on Jeremy's sweatshirt loosens but he barely pulls away, clearly still wanting the contact. He only uses one hand at a time to wipe his eyes and nose, always keeping a point of contact with Jeremy, and Jeremy is fine with that, holding gently onto Rich's arms where they hold onto him. Rich starts laughing, softly at first, then gaining some confidence as he collects himself. He finally releases Jeremy's shirt, but slowly, sliding his hands back toward himself, stopping when they meet Jeremy's hands. Jeremy lightly holds his hands there and Rich accepts the prompt to return the hold.

"Sorry for getting all of… _that…_ on your shirt, man," Rich chuckles, nodding to the large wet spot now getting cold on Jeremy's shoulder.

Jeremy shrugs and gives Rich a little smile. "It's fine."

Rich huffs a laugh and looks down, idly rubbing his thumbs across Jeremy's fingers. "I'm sorry for… _metaphorically_ dumping all of that on you too… crying on you like that…" Jeremy squeezes his hands and he looks up.

"Rich, It's _fine._ I'm your friend, I'm here for you when you need to do that, it's okay. Honestly, I'm the one that made you cry in the first place, I feel like I'm the one who should be apologizing-"

"No, no, you didn't- it was good, it was- I just… I guess I just… needed to hear it..." Rich trails off and gives a sheepish shrug. "Thanks for… everything. Letting me be myself... thinking so highly of me… even though I kind of feel like I don't deserve it."

_You do deserve it._ "I'm only gonna give you things I think you deserve so, accept my compliments or die I guess." Rich laughs at that and Jeremy smiles. Rich seems to be feeling alright now, thankfully. He lets go of Jeremy's hands and gives himself a little shake. Jeremy tries not to miss the hand holding.

"Alright, alright, I'm cool now, I'm all good, let's get you home with no tears this time." Jeremy chuckles along with Rich and soon, Rich is back and buckled in the driver's seat, and they're back on their way to Jeremy's house. Rich drums his right hand on his thigh for the rest of the ride, and Jeremy feels his left hand itch to reach out and grab it. He doesn't though. Rich drops Jeremy off, and waves and honks his goodbyes like normal, and Jeremy thinks about how, even though he was brave today and told Rich about the things he admires about him, he still wishes he had been just a _bit_ braver and reached out to hold is hand on the way home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD originally this chapter was like, 13k for some reason so i had to split it up lol heres the first part!

Jeremy enjoys a nice dinner with his dad and the Mells on his birthday, just like always. Not like always, his dad gets him a fucking car as a birthday gift.

Friday afternoon, Jeremy gets home from school (it was a nice day, Christine made him cookies,) and there's a car in the driveway he doesnt recognize. His stomach fills with its usual anxious energy at the prospect of strangers in his house and him needing to interact with them, and little flits of thought fly through his head, wondering what they're here for, if it's bad, if something is about to change, but luckily none of them stick enough to make him fully anxious. He tries the door and it's unlocked, so he slowly opens it and quietly peeks inside. He doesn't hear anyone… He walks in and quietly closes the door, still straining his ears to figure out what's going on, so he's very startled when his dad comes up behind him and loudly asks him what he's doing.

"Dad! I! Uhh, who's here?" Jeremy asks.

"Who's…?" He looks out the kitchen window, "Oh. Oh! Yeah yeah, nevermind that, you'll find out in a minute, come here I want to give you your birthday gift." Mr. Heere beams and ushers his son to the table.

"Wha- now?" What about the mysterious stranger currently parked at his house? "Don't you want to wait for dinner? Michael and his moms are still coming over right?"

"Yes, they are, don't worry, but no I don't want to wait until dinner." He's way too smiley about this, Jeremy is really confused. His dad waves a hand at the (cleaned off) table, where an envelope and a small bag are sitting.

Jeremy opens his card first, as you do, and it's just a nice hallmark card with a cute little father to son message printed inside. His dad has added 'I know we've had our rough patches, and I hope this helps make up for them' underneath. Jeremy confusedly tells his dad that he's already made up for it, but he's waved off and urged to open the gift. The bag jingles a bit when he picks it up, and when he reaches into it, he pulls out keys. Car keys. He looks up at his dad.

"You asked who was parked in the driveway and, well, it's you."

"Me?"

"Mhm!" Mr. Heere is still smiling. Jeremy is in awe.

"That's- it- that's mine!?" Jeremy looks rapidly out the window and back to his dad, trying to confirm this is real and his dad actually just _gave him a car._

"Yes, sir!" His dad laughs. "Now listen, it's not brand new or anything, I have this buddy that-" he doesn't get to finish his sentence as Jeremy absolutely crushes him in a hug, (or, at least he tries to, he's still not that strong,) and his dad just laughs more and pats him a few times before he lets go.

"Dad you got me a fucking car!!!" Jeremy jumps in place and runs out the front door, keys in hand. His dad follows him and jokingly chastises his language, and Jeremy jokes that he can't tell him what to do anymore, he's 18. The mood is good enough that Mr. Heere finds it as endearing as Jeremy hoped it would be. He walks over to the car and views it in a completely different light now that he knows it's _his._

It's a Honda Civic, it's dark blue, it's used, and it's _perfect._ He gets into the driver's seat, tossing his backpack into the passenger's side, and just sits there, vibrating with excitement and happiness for a second before smiling his widest smile up at his dad, standing just outside the door.

"Well, go on, take it for a spin! Be back by 4, alright? The Mells should be over a bit after that." Jeremy nods eagerly and turns the key in the ignition, reverent as it really sinks in that this is his car now. His dad closes the driver door he was leaning on and backs up. Jeremy fiddles with the radio a bit before looking at his dad through the windshield and putting the car in reverse.

He backs onto the street, puts it in drive, and quickly waves at his dad and executes the two quick honks Rich and Michael always like to do when they leave. And then he's off.

He doesn't have any specific destination in mind, he's just driving anywhere, the same thing he did after he got his license. Just letting sink in. His dad got him a car. _His dad got him a car!_ Jeremy still thinks he’s more than made up for his depressive neglect after his mom left, but this still really cements it into his head that _yes,_ his dad _is_ a dad, and _yes,_ he really does love him. And now he has his own car, he's not reliant on anyone for rides anymore- Jeremy feels incredibly free. He's 18 years old and he has his own personal vehicle, the world is suddenly so much more accessible to Jeremy and he doesn't really know what to do with that. So he just drives around, reveling in his feelings and freedom. Reveling in how different he is now, compared to last year. How different his life his. As he whips down the freeway, unsure and uncaring of where he's going, he feels deeply that he's really happy he made it to this point. Just a few years ago, he wasn't so sure he would.

* * *

Dinner goes great, Michael shares his excitement over his new car and they talk out carpool plans, because Jeremy is torn between wanting to drive himself to school and still wanting to do what's better for the environment. And their wallets. So they will continue to carpool, they'll just swap who drives who.

Michael stays a little longer to hang out with Jeremy later into the night and practically the entire time Michael is there, he teases Jeremy about Rich which sucks only because Jeremy has no material to tease Michael back with. It's a one sided slaughter that leaves Jeremy red and stuttering by the end of it. Michael mentions that Rich was telling him he wanted to hang out with Jeremy tomorrow, and not long after, Jeremy receives a confirmation in the form of a text asking if he's free tomorrow. Jeremy obviously says yes and Michael continues his torment well into the night. They fall asleep on Jeremy's bed, on top of the covers, with their day clothes still on. Jeremy falls asleep happy, thinking that for once, this was a _very_ good birthday.

* * *

Michael leaves early (11 am) the next day, and it's Saturday so Jeremy launches himself out of his jeans, legs feeling awful from sleeping in them, and takes it easy for the rest of the morning. He fixes himself a bowl of cereal and almost giggles out loud to himself when he sees the- _his_ car in the driveway. His dad, already eating waffles at the table, pokes a bit of fun at Jeremy's excitement and Jeremy playfully scoffs at him. As he sits he mentions that he's hanging out with Rich later, and his dad very sincerely says he's happy him and Rich are getting along so well. Jeremy honestly says that he is too.

He texts Rich to ask when the hangout is gonna be happening.

**You:**  
Hey man, we still on for hangouts today? When do you want me over?

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
aw hell yea  
uhhh like 7 maybe i was hoping u could stay over👌 if thats cool

**You:**  
Hell yeah I'd love to :P

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
cool i can pick u up around then

**You:**  
Oh! I forgot to tell you the fucking news dude, I got a car! You don't have to pick me up I can DRIVE :D

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
YOU WHAT  
PICS

Luckily, Jeremy took a ton of pictures in his excitement yesterday so he doesn't have to abandon his cereal to go take some. It's already getting kind of soggy since he's texting Rich instead of eating it quickly.

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
AW HELL YEAH!!  
SEND THOSE TO THE FUCKING GROUP CHAT BRO!!!!  
IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU  
LOOK AT U GROWING UP AND DRIVING AND SHIT

Jeremy giggles at Rich's enthusiasm. His dad raises a brow at him but Jeremy pays it no mind.

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
so im guessing ur gonna wanna drive urself huh

**You:**  
Yes

Rich takes a bit to respond. Jeremy eats his cereal. 

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
hey, that works then, just remembered brooke needed me to pick up some bullshite from her house today, since ur driving over do u think u can pick it up for me? i will luv u 4ever if u do ❤️

Jeremy does NOT blush at the very fake, very joking promise of love from Rich, absolutely not. 

**You:**  
Man, I have to do your chores now? Lame.

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
pwease

…  
_Fuckin hell._

**You:**  
Fine.

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
really? yaaay thank u 😚

**You:**  
Stop trying to act cute, it looks bad on you

_A bold faced lie._

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
u think im cute? 😏😘

_Yes._

**You:**  
🖕

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
☹️❤️

**You:**  
🖕❤️

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
🙂❤️

**You:**  
What do you need from brooke

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
idk??? she said i left some shit there but wouldn't tell me wat just said 2 come het it  
gross get* not het

**You:**  
Lol that's sus as hell dude…  
You sure you're cool with me going to get it?

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
yea man its fine its prob just clothes or smt and shes too lazy to bring it 2 school lol

**You:**  
Hhhhh alright fine, I'll be over sometime near 7, text brooke and tell her I'm getting your shit for you 

**😚😎👌❤Richie❤👌😎😚**  
aye aye captain 😘

* * *

At about 6:30, Jeremy puts on clean jeans and a sweatshirt, fixes his hair a bit, and heads out, taking some extra clothes in an old backpack. His dad waves him off, and Jeremy is on his way.

He's excited to hang out with Rich tonight, as excited as one can be about staying over at their crushes house one on one. Absolute elation mixed with dread. He hopes it's not awkward. Like, it shouldn't be awkward, but man that last time with the tickling was… something. Jeremy shoves that out of his mind before he starts conjuring images. He's already done that about 80 times too many, both deliberately and in his dreams. Now isn't the time for it. He focuses on whatever pop song is playing on the radio, and the route to Brooke's house. She doesn't live too far away, so by about 6:40 he makes it there and parks along the very long driveway and trecs up to the front door, texting Brooke that he's here for Rich's shit. She excitedly opens the door and gives him a hug, inviting him inside. He follows.

"So… what did he leave here anyway?" Jeremy asks.

"Oh! Just a- uh, shirt. Just a shirt Haha!!"

Okay that… sounded suspicious. Brooke sounds nervous? She's fidgeting with her hands… why would she be nervous about this. Oh man why did Rich leave a shirt here? Jeremy knows Rich and Brooke are good friends and he thought that was all but… Are they… involved?

_Involved,_ what is he, some 80 year old grandma? Are they together? Fucking? What else would warrant accidentally leaving your clothes at someone's house? ...Okay well Jeremy absolutely leaves his clothes at Michael's house and vice versa but they're best friends! Are Brooke and Rich best friends? They're close friends but Jeremy didn't think they were _best_ friends! Oh god did Rich send Jeremy here to pick up his shirt to try to send a message? Like "hey asshole I'm not interested in you, stop obviously pining after me like a creep cuz I'm taken'? Ah fuck is that it? Does Rich know and think Jeremy is a creep? He is a creep, all secretly having feelings for his friend, Rich would be right to hate him-

No, no, cut that train of thought, stop it right there, not only will it get you nowhere, it's pretty convoluted and far fetched. Rich is direct, he would probably just straight up tell Jeremy if he was dating Brooke or knew about Jeremy's feelings and was uncomfortable. Jeremy would _know_ if Rich didn't like him, subliminal messages aren't really Rich's thing, are they?

Jeremy runs out of time to think, as Brooke pulls him from his thoughts by announcing she thinks it's in the second living room, stopping in front of the doors to it. Jeremy nods, and Brooke opens the doors, prompting him to go in first. She follows him and flicks the lights on.

"Surprise!!!"

Jeremy is assaulted by an onslaught of sudden light, color, and sound, as he's presented with a room full of people and party decorations. Front and center of this group is, of course, Rich. Surprise? A surprise party? For Jeremy? It occurs to him that he's just standing there, kinda dumbly, with a blank surprised face. He whips around to look at Brooke, and she pops a little confetti cannon over his head, grinning ear to ear, Rich is also grinning wide, and Michael is next to him giving him a similar look. The rest of the squad is there, as well as people from theater, and some of the squads fringe friends. It's a decent sized group, all lined up in front of him to wish him a happy birthday.

Jeremy puts his hands over his eyes, but has the presence of mind to make sure everyone can see him smiling under it- he's incredibly embarrassed, par for the course whenever he's put in the spotlight, but mostly he's full of love. He can't believe his friends threw him a fucking surprise birthday party. He can't believe he _has_ friends who would. He once _again_ can’t believe how different his life is now.

Brooke puts a hand on his shoulder and Rich and Michael come over to give him hugs. The rest of the squad follows suit, squishing Jeremy in the middle of a big group hug.

Amidst the cooing and 'aww's, Rich very quietly asks, "Is this okay?" 

Jeremy looks down at him and there's real concern in his eyes. Truthfully, Jeremy would never say he _likes_ surprises, and he definitely doesn't love being the unconsenting center of attention, but the love and appreciation he's feeling far outweigh his minor qualms about the situation. He smiles down at Rich and nods, and it seems to be acceptable enough for him as he then breaks the hug to shout for someone to turn on the music and start the party. Jeremy finally sinks into the party mood and falls into easy banter with the squad.

"Alright first of all who planned this?" Jeremy asks, and he turns to Michael, expecting him to be the culprit. Michael smiles at him very wide, but points instead to Rich who sports a sheepish smile after being called out. He brings a hand to rest at the back of his neck, and Jeremy thinks he looks very cute like that. Jeremy is also incredibly surprised. 

"Rich?"

"Yeaaaaaah…" Rich gives a guilty laugh, matching well with his humble expression. 

"Y- You-! Never doubt your acting abilities ever again!" Jeremy yells.

Rich tilts his head, "What?"

"We texted! And I was completely convinced we were just gonna have a normal hangout! There was nothing off about you, I wasn't suspicious at all! Even about going to Brooke's house first to pick up 'a shirt' as if that's important enough for me to need to go get for you, god how did you do that?"

Rich responds by laughing but still goes a bit sheepish again from getting complimented and shrugging his shoulders.

Michael breaks into the conversation, "Dude he acted casual for more than just your texts today, he called us all like a week ago yelling about how-" he puts on a high pitched voice that sounds nothing like Rich, fluttering his eyelashes and clasping his hands together, _'Jeremy is just so special and perfect, we have to do something for him on his birthday! I know! Let's throw him a big party and invite just enough people that no one will notice when I steal him away to makeout wi-"_ Michael doesn't get to finish that thought as Rich- after a second of hesitation, Jeremy notices- punches him in the arm. Michael yelps but it wasn't actually a hard punch, and he laughs and punches Rich back, and just laughs harder at Rich's very severe warning face in reply.

Jeremy is caught up in just being happy Rich is holding himself back less now, and is embracing who he wants to be. He saw that second of hesitation, where Rich almost decided _not_ to punch Michael. It's weird to be happy about your friends hitting each other, Jeremy realizes. The punching is reminiscent of squipped-Rich, and Jeremy understands why he wouldn't want to do it anymore. It's something you don't want as a habit, and it's something you would be careful about not doing to the people who used to be on the receiving end. But a year ago feels so long now, and Jeremy wants them all to be able to joke around for real, no fear, no hesitation. He's glad Rich seems to feel the same, and it's nice to see him testing the waters. 

Jeremy is thinking about all of that while spacing out (staring right at Rich with a very soft expression on his face,) and because he's spacing out, he doesn't see Michael gesture toward that look being leveled at Rich, nor Rich's startle at seeing it. Nor does he see Rich pout, and shake his head dejectedly at Michael. Jeremy does notice however when Rich pops back up and yells his name.

"Jeremy! We brought a bunch of alcohol, you want a drink?" He asks.

"Oh uh, yeah sure," Jeremy replies. As Rich sets off to get drinks, Michael sidles up next to Jeremy. "So… Rich planned all of this?" Jeremy asks.

"Yep! It was his idea!" Michael cheerfully answers. Jeremy puts his hands in his pockets to fidget.

"I would have thought you would be the one to plan it."

"Are you trying to call me a bad friend?"

Jeremy tugs his hands out of his pockets, flailing them around, "No! No, no! I just- I just meant-"

"I know what you meant." Michael smiles down at him, soft and reassuring. He pauses for a moment, both of them watching people mingle and laugh together. After a bit he speaks quietly, "He really does care about you, Jere."

Jeremy looks up at him in question but Michael's eyes have found someone else's and he starts to walk toward them leaving Jeremy with just a pat on the arm. It's Rich, coming back with two drinks. He hands one to Michael, looking after him a bit confused as he walks away into a crowd of people, but shakes it off and returns to Jeremy, handing him the remaining drink.

"Nothing for you?"

"Nah, I didn't tell you? I think I'm gonna just. Be sober from now on."

"Why?" Jeremy doesn't mean for it to come out sounding so blunt, "I mean, it's cool, I'm just curious!" Nice. Rich chuckles.

"Addiction runs in the family, bro." Rich places his hands in his jean pockets, managing to make it look cool, and he smirks a bit at Jeremy, confident, not ashamed of his decision or the reason for it. Jeremy's face drops into the faintest look of non-judgemental surprise, eyebrows slightly raised, mouth in a curious 'o'.

"That's… pretty cool actually." Jeremy is… genuinely kind of proud of Rich for making such a mature decision for himself. It _is_ cool that Rich wants to take care of himself like that. Rich, for all the confidence he admitted that with, goes back to looking shy, a slight pink dusting his cheek, and a little smile settling on his lips.

"Thanks." Rich looks away from Jeremy as he says it, bashful. 

"Does this mean I can get as drunk as I want and you'll make sure I don't die?" Jeremy loves ruining the mood huh.

Rich smiles sweetly, and puts a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. “No.”

Jeremy sighs and laughs.

"Hey birthday boy! Get over here we're playing a game!" Jenna yells, waving him and Rich to a group of people sitting at the couches. Jeremy hopes it isn't another truth or dare game, he's had enough of that.

Rich looks up at Jeremy, questioning, eager, looking like he wants to play, and Jeremy would do anything Rich wants, actually, so he nods and lets Rich pull him over.

Rich grabs a soda for himself and sits so Jeremy is squished up against the arm of one of the couches and Jeremy wonders if Rich knew that was his favorite spot or if it's coincidence. Either way, Jeremy will not complain. He also won't complain about how close Rich is sitting to him.

The rest of the people playing welcome 'the birthday boy' and the game of "Never Have I Ever" commences. Great. Another cliche game. Jeremy admits, he's not great at thinking of things he's never done that don't immediately damn him as a fucking loser, but luckily the group is large enough that it doesn't come back around to him too often. He does find himself needing to drink occasionally, which surprises him. He kind of wants to get drunk though so he makes sure his sips aren't too small and soon enough, he finds himself loosening up and having fun. At one point, one of the girls he doesn't know very well says, "never have I ever done drugs," and Jeremy and Rich tentatively look at each other before laughing and deciding to drink. Even if the squips don't count, Jeremy has smoked before so at least his drink is genuine.

The game continues on, Jeremy switches to a stronger mixed drink (he doesn’t know what’s in it, but it tastes okay-ish so he accepts), and learns a lot about other people. He learns a lot about Rich too. He has: snuck out, drank so much he forgot all about it the next day, had a one night stand, had more than _three_ one night stands, (good god,) has vandalized a teacher's property, given a gift to someone secretly just to be nice, done the cinnamon challenge, and the last one is the one Jeremy is hung up on.

"Never have I ever caught feelings for a friend"

Plenty of people complain and drink to that one, Jeremy included, but so does Rich. Jeremy watches him sip his soda and yell along with the others and he is perplexed. Who was it? Or who _is_ it? The sip wasn't for Jeremy, they weren't friends back when he supposedly had a crush on him. Is it Brooke? Chloe? Jenna? _...Jake?_ Did he like Jake? Does he still like Jake? Jake is like, the hottest guy in school, and him and Rich are still good friends, it could be him. Jake and Rich… Oh god what if it's Michael? Way back when, Rich seemed interested in him in the hospital. Nothing came of it but what if? God that would be so awkward. Rich turns to him giving him a questioning look, and Jeremy finds his lips a little looser than usual, and his voice a little louder.

"Who is it!?"

Rich stares, surprised at the question, and the volume. "Who's what?"

"Who'd you catch feelings for???" Jeremy is leaning into Rich's space as he asks and Rich starts to look a little panicked. 

"N-no one dude-"

"I saw you drink!"

"Well yeah but-"

"Do you not trust me?"

"I trust you! I just-! ...Why do you wanna know?"

Jeremy quiets down at that. "No reason…"

Rich shoots him a look that is, luckily, amused. "If you won't tell me why you want to know, I won't tell you who it is."

"Touché." _Is is is is, it's current, he currently has feelings for a friend, who is it._ Jeremy is troubled by this information but the game moves on and his slightly addled brain is easily captured by it. There's plenty of time to worry about that later. Jeremy takes a few more glugs and soon switches drinks again. Halfway through _that_ drink they stop the game to have cake, because "what kind of party would this be if I didn't provide cake, Jeremy?" and when they all sit again, they quit the game and switch to Cards Against Humanity. Jeremy feels better with food in him, but he's still dissolved into the buzzed zone. Either Jeremy is a lightweight, or those two mixed drinks were stronger than he thought. As the game progresses, he grabs a third drink and firmly passes into the tipsy zone.

He is currently leaning _heavily_ on Rich, more than strictly necessary, cheek smooshed against his shoulder, one hand idly playing with a seam on Rich's jeans. Rich is very focused on looking over the cards they're sharing and asks Jeremy for his opinion on which to pick. Jeremy is a little out of it due to his successful proximity to Rich.

"Pick wha?"

"A white card."

"For what?"

"For 'why am I sticky?'"

Jeremy peruses the cards, pressing more into Rich's space, the heavy feeling in his head blocking his normal overthinking tendencies. He still has clear thoughts, (he thinks,) just less worries. 

"We don't have anythin' good," Jeremy states, wrinkling his nose.

"I know that's why I need help." Rich laughs but looks similarly disappointed to not have a round winning card right now. Jeremy points to one in the middle of the hand, 'Michelle Obama's Arms.' Rich nods his approval, saying "Not too bad," and he reaches over to hand it to the Card Czar. Jeremy finishes off his drink in one large gulp and Rich looks simultaneously amused and concerned. Jeremy shrugs a 'what?' at him and puts his empty cup down on the floor.

After that last gulp settles Jeremy can… feel it. As if it were a final switch flipped in him, as if he's crossed a border now. He wonders if he's past tipsy and gone into drunk territory. Oops. Oh well. He's not wasted or anything it's just 2 drinks. (Wait, 3. 4 with the beer? but it was just a beer? And he didn't even finish that one...)

Still, it's enough that Jeremy really doesn't feel inhibited by anything, his mind is quiet, devoid of its usual anxious bubbling. He hears one whisper echo through his mind and it is the desire to lay down, so lay down he does.

Jeremy shifts himself and lays his head down on Rich's lap. He's on his back, feet hanging on the arm of the couch, looking right up at Rich, and Rich, startled by his actions, is looking right back down at him. He smirks, but Jeremy watches his unscarred cheek turn pink.

"Comfortable?" Rich asks, trying to be bemused. 

Jeremy smiles and nods, folding his hands on his stomach casually. Rich struggles to find a place to settle his hands, and his cool slips a bit.

"I can't hold the- the cards with you here, dumbass." Rich's attempted smile is wobbly. Jeremy just appreciates it, smiling back, and focuses in on Rich's lisp. He's heard it so often now that he really never thinks about it, it's just regular speech to him, but as he focuses in on Rich and all the cute things about him, he finds himself listening to the lisp for the first time in a while, thinking it's really very endearing. Just like most things about Rich. 

"Jus' slap em on my face I don't care," Jeremy finally replies, and Rich giggles at that and Jeremy thinks it's very cute. Another endearing quality.

Jeremy had laid down carefully, knowing he should spare Rich of having someone's head directly on his dick, but as comfortable as Rich's legs are, Jeremy really wants to press his face into his stomach, positive that would be, like, the best thing in the world right now. He tries to turn his head to do so, attempting a shift, but Rich very quickly stops him and keeps his head right where it is, out of tummy-range. Jeremy pouts. Rich's face is red, but he’s still clearly totally fine, not losing his cool at all, nope.

“Dude, don’t suck my dick on the couch at a party, not cool, man.”

Jeremy wrinkles his nose at the display of classic Rich humor that he hasn’t heard in a while. “I’m _not._”

"Then what are you doing?"

Jeremy doesn't really know how to describe what he was trying to do so he just says, "Cuddling."

"Cuddling?"

Jeremy nods. Rich looks at him, face still red, but very still, save for a slight crease in his brow, indicating that he's thinking. About what? He sighs, and Jeremy finds his world getting pushed a bit as Rich slumps down into the couch, suddenly a lot more horizontal. Jeremy is confused until he sees this has opened up prime real estate in the tummy-zone and he smiles wide, shimmying his way to press his face into Rich's stomach. It's as great as he hoped it would be. Rich is very resolutely not touching him though, keeping his cards up close on his chest, which in turn is blocking his face from Jeremy's view, and Jeremy isn't too happy about that but he'll take what he can get for now. Pushing it seems like too much effort anyway.

* * *

The night drags on and Jeremy starts to doze off on Rich, until Michael's voice above him wakes him up.

"How dare you not invite me to cuddle time!" Jeremy opens his eyes and sees Michael, smiling despite his complaints, leaning over the back of the couch. Rich looks startled, and then shifts his face into something Jeremy can't read. It looks kind of… pleading? Maybe? He's aiming it at Michael though so Jeremy supposes he doesn't have to read it. He does find himself getting lifted off of Rich a minute later which is completely un-ideal and he makes a noise of protest.

"Listen bud we can't have you falling asleep on the couch at your own party," Michael says. Jeremy makes grabby hands at Rich through squinty eyes, and tries to go back to the couch, but he's wobbly. 

"Woah-"

"Hold onto me dude."

"I didn't think I was that drunk what the heck." Michael just laughs at him, slightly tipsy himself.

Rich looks up at them for a second and then gently puts his cards down on the coffee table. "I’m getting you a water." He gets up and leaves to retrieve water, leaving Jeremy to sway on Michael. 

"Gotta say my man, you're acting _pretty_ gay with Rich tonight, you good?"

Jeremy raises a finger, a little overdramatic, obviously more far gone than Michael, "Actually, I'll have you know, I am acting. _Bi._ With Rich." Michael laughs even more at that. 

"Just a couple a' bi's bein' bros."

Jeremy latches onto the vine reference. "Just a couple a' bros bein' bi!" He laughs, but before Michael can continue the reference, he gasps loudly.

Michael startles. "What?"

Jeremy smacks his hands against his cheeks. "I never told Rich I'm bi!" Jeremy has just accidentally come out to at least 3 people around him who were close enough to hear and give him amused looks, but he's too focused on his tragic revelation to care. Michael is in hysterics. Jeremy smacks his arm, the act almost throwing him off balance. "Michael this is an emergency! He thinks I'm _straight!"_ Michael doubles over, clutching his stomach and wheezing out laughs.

That is the state in which Rich returns to them. He sighs and he shoves water bottles at the both of them.

"Since when did I have to become the responsible one? This is so unfair, drink." Jeremy easily obeys, still willing to do pretty much anything Rich tells him to. He chugs like, half the bottle in one go, suddenly aware of how thirsty he is.

"Alright, alright, slow down you'll make yourself sick."

"Well which is it, Rich? You want him to drink his water or not?"

"Yes, but he can't be such a thirsty ho or he's gonna hurt himself." Rich says it with a teasing smile, and Michael cracks up again. Jeremy gives an offended gasp, ready to play along.

"Thirsty ho? How could you? So much for _friendship,_ I thought you liked me!" Jeremy sways on his feet a bit, jokingly wiping away a nonexistent tear. Michael speaks up through his giggles.

"Oh he likes you alright- agh-!" Rich elbows him.

_"Shut the fuck up!"_

"Aw, I like Rich too~" Jeremy says with an easy smile.

"Yeah? Jeremy, why don't you tell us just how much you like Rich?" Michael says with a scheming smile on his face. Jeremy opens his mouth to respond but Rich puts a hand over it and speaks over him.

"No! No! How about we don't do that!" He turns and speaks only to Michael, "You! Are supposed to be helping, not making fun of me!"

"I'm not making fun of you-"

Jeremy thinks the hand over his mouth is a bit unfair. He may have been ready to spill some appreciation for Rich but he wasn't going to just up and confess his feelings right there, he's way too emotionally protective for that. Sorry Michael, he's not that drunk. Jeremy _is_ drunk enough to zone out thinking about the hand currently pressed against his mouth, though. It's warm, and kind of small. Rich is always warm isn't he? Every time Jeremy has touched some part of Rich, he's been warm, his hands, his face, his back, his belly, his legs- huh. Jeremy has touched a lot of Rich, hasn't he? Has Rich touched Jeremy that much? He doesn't think so. He wants him to. He'd let Rich put his hands wherever he wanted. He _wants_ Rich to. Maybe Jeremy is that drunk.

Jeremy reaches up and grabs the hand on his mouth, suddenly zooming back into the real world, as the conversation he wasn’t listening to halts when he does. Michael and Rich both look at him. He looks back. Rich takes his hand off his mouth.

"Yeah?" Ahh Rich's sweet voice. Jeremy smiles and completely forgets what he was thinking about. 

"Hi." There's a pause before Rich chuckles and says hi back. Michael chuckles too. Jeremy can feel a pleasant fluttering in his mind and his chest. The atmosphere is sweet and syrupy and Jeremy can feel himself fading, growing tired and wanting to sleep again. He makes an "mmm" noise, eyes closed.

"What's up, bud?" Michael asks. 

"Sleepy."

"You're tired? You really wanna pass out early at your own party?" There's amusement in Michael's voice as he says it. Jeremy just nods, sipping his water again. 

"Well, alright, I'll go ask Brooke about her guest bedrooms then," Michael says, but Rich stops him.

"She already knows people are staying over, I'll take Jeremy to his room."

Michael gives him a Look, not even needing to remind Rich of his teasing implication at the start of the party. Rich goes red and angrily shoos Michael away, grabbing Jeremy's hand with more aggression than necessary, hauling him out of the room and down the hall.

Rich finds the room and opens the door for Jeremy, to which Jeremy remarks, "Such a gentleman~" but that only seems to make Rich more upset, which in turn makes Jeremy upset. What's wrong? Why is Rich not smiling his wonderful beautiful smile? Did Jeremy do something wrong? How does he fix it? Rich notices Jeremy looking at him, sad and confused, and sighs to himself, trying to shake out of it. Jeremy may be muffled and slow in the thoughts right now but him and Rich are still good friends, and he can still read him well enough to know he's still upset and just trying to mask it. Jeremy will have none of that.

"What's wrong?" Well. He meant for that to come out sounding confident and cool, but instead it just sounded pathetic and needy, damn.

"N-nothing," Rich replies, "come on, lay down and go to sleep, you're tired, right?"

Jeremy nods his head but doesn't lay down, only sits, still staring at Rich, concerned. "Did I… do something?"

Rich snaps out of his sour expression and looks surprised at Jeremy before rushing to assure him that he's fine and hasn't done anything wrong. Jeremy actually feels kind of bad to have made Rich rush to make him feel better, that's what _he's_ supposed to be doing for Rich. He's definitely still physically loopy but being away from the party, the music and other people having fun, have helped sober him up a bit mentally.

"Rich I know m'not really… coherent right now, but I'm still your friend an' you're upset an' I wanna make you not upset." Jeremy looks up at him, honestly kind of desperately, a look that says I know I'm not the best option but please let me help you. Rich gives in, forcing a little smile, and sitting next to Jeremy.

"I promise I'm fine, I just. I allowed some bad thoughts to slip in tonight, I'm sorry."

Jeremy knows how that is. That's his whole life now, constantly wrangling his bad thoughts. He's better at stopping them now but sometimes they still slip through and ruin his night. He reaches over to take Rich's hand, and voices that. Rich seems to have a whole internal debate in the span of one second, and luckily decides on smiling back, genuinely.

"Thanks, Jeremy." It's so genuine, actually, Jeremy instantly fills to the brim with a wonderful, warm, happiness, tingling in his brain and drawing the corners of his mouth up to his eyes, smiling. He squeezes Rich's hand and Rich squeezes back. 

After a minute Jeremy's face falls rapidly. Rich's does as well, in response.

"What. Are you alright? Are you gonna be sick?" Rich asks urgently. Jeremy shakes his head.

"No, no, I'm fine, I just…" Rich is still looking urgent.

"What?"

"I left my overnight bag in m'car… that I parked at the end of the driveway… I don't wanna sleep in jeans again…" Jeremy makes a combination sad and disgusted face down at his lap, picking at his pant leg to illustrate his point. Rich is silent for a second before bursting into laughter that surprises Jeremy but also fills him with that warm happiness again.

"I can go get your bag for you, man," Rich chuckles.

"You don't have to."

"I know." Rich is still smiling and Jeremy feels the warmth spread even deeper.

Jeremy roots around in his pants pocket for his keys. He doesn't have any keychains yet, so it's just his car keys, fob, and house key. He hands them to Rich, who looks at his keys for a second before turning to leave, saying he'll be right back.

Jeremy sits there for all of 3 minutes before drinking the rest of his water and taking his pants off, not being able to stand being in the restricting material anymore. He crawls under the covers to escape the now cold air on his legs and waits. He's only just closed his eyes when Rich returns, Jeremy's bag in one hand, a glass of water in the other, and two pain killers wedged between his hand and the glass. What a fucking angel Rich Goranski is sometimes, Jeremy thinks.

The grabby hands are back in full force, and Rich laughs at them, handing Jeremy his bag. He places the pills and water on the bedside table.

"I don't know how bad you'll be tomorrow, so I got you some meds just in case. You shouldn't need a bucket, but you know where the bathroom is, right?"

Jeremy nods, unzipping his bag and pulling out the pjs he packed. The pants have little pac man patterns. Rich turns away as Jeremy puts them on which is a little strange, since they change in front of each other all the time, but Jeremy doesn't pay it too much mind. The soft pants feel great and he sighs happily, wiggling back under the covers. Rich goes to leave and shut the light off but Jeremy protests.

"Where are you going?"

"...Back to the party?"

"Oh… you're not tired?"

"I… am, a bit. Unlike you though I'm not the birthday boy so I don't get the ~presidential suite~ reserved just for me." Rich's tone is light and teasing. Jeremy knows Brooke only has one guest room. "I'm also, unlike Jenna, not dating the host, so I can't stay in her room either. I'll just crash on one of the couches like everyone else, it's no big deal."

_Yes it is, stay with me._

"Stay with me." Woops. Whatever, he'll stick with it.

"...What?"

Jeremy shimmies over to one side of the bed, creating a space for Rich. Rich's eyes go a bit wide.

"Wh- n- no, no no no, that's your bed, you're not sharing, we're not sharing a bed-" Jeremy thinks this might be the most flustered he's ever seen Rich. It's cute, but his goal of not letting Rich sleep on the couch is more important. 

"It doesn't have to be weird."

"Yes it does, it's fine dude, I'm cool with the couch-

"Michael an' I shared my bed _literally_ yesterday, it's fine." Jeremy doesn't let himself think about how passing out at 3am on top of the covers in your day clothes, and, snuggling up under the covers at (what time is it? 11?) and going to sleep peacefully next to someone are two very, _very_ different things. He doesn't want Rich to leave. He doesn't want to be alone.

His admission seems to give Rich pause, and ultimately convinces him. Jeremy silently cheers. Rich walks over to the bed, but just stands there for a minute. Jeremy looks at him in question. 

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Jeremy knows what Rich means, but goes for the joke and takes stock of his physical situation, feeling his very soft pj pants, patting the fluffy duvet, and snuggling down into the soft pillow and mattress. An easy half lidded smile stretches across his face, aimed at Rich, "I am not uncomfortable."

The joke reaches Rich and he chuckles. Jeremy basks in the metaphorical approval and closes his eyes. After a pause he hears shuffling and the overhead light goes off. He hears more shuffling, the jingling of his keys, and a longer pause at the edge of the bed. Eventually he feels the bed dip and Rich shimmy next to him. He didn’t even change? Did he bring pajamas at all? Jeremy just hopes he's not too uncomfortable tomorrow. He turns over toward the wall, content, sleep starting to take him. Before it can, he whispers quietly to Rich.

"Thank you."

"For what?" Rich whispers back.

Jeremy could easily just say the party, which is what he originally said thank you for, but he finds himself indecisive, and instead settles on, "Everything."

Rich chuckles very softly, "Goodnight, Jeremy."

"Goodnight, Rich"

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey btw dont drink things when you dont know whats in them lol, jeremy doesn't really face any consequences in this chapter, but its a dangerous thing to do in real life! please always know exactly what youre putting in your body! also dont drink underage :P


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how to spell make-out

Jeremy wakes up warm. Very warm and very comfortable. And… heavy? There's something behind him and slightly on him. Jeremy opens his eyes and notices immediately that he is not in his room. He panics real quick, but just as immediately remembers why and calms down. He's in Brooke's guest room of course, his birthday party was last night. Oh, then that means the warmth and weight must be…

Jeremy carefully looks over his shoulder.

_Rich._

Oh what a beautiful sight it is to see Rich sleeping peacefully behind him. Too bad he can't focus on that beauty with how fast his heart starts beating. He fights the urge to whip around, and manages to carefully return to his original lying position, so as not to startle the other boy. Okay. So. Rich is… Spooning him. Cool. That's fine, that's totally fine and cool and chill and normal and Jeremy is definitely freaking out oh dear. This is not how Jeremy remembers falling asleep, SOMEONE must have moved during the night, and considering Jeremy is still facing the same wall he closed his eyes too, he's relieved to find it was probably Rich. It's only slightly relieving though. He only has a slight headache, he definitely didn't drink enough to forget shit right? He didn't say anything? They didn't do anything? He would know if there were gaps in his memory, wouldn't he? He doesn't have any gaps, he's fine, everything's fine.

God everything is not fine he's being cuddled by his crush, they're sharing a bed, and the blood cannot travel to his face fast enough. There's a reason Jeremy jacks off almost every morning, and he gets an unfortunate reminder of that reason again when he tries to shift out of Rich's grip and feels how _uncomfortable_ his pants are. God fuckin shit, dammit dammit dammit! Not the time! Not the place! He can NOT wake Rich up and have him find him like this, how the hell is he supposed to explain himself? Either Rich gets to think it's because of the spooning and be grossed out or Jeremy explains that he's just a horny loser who's hard every other fucking morning. Bad fucking options.

Jeremy is just going to have to calm down. _Pff_ yeah, _just calm down,_ super easy and quick thing to do. _Just calm down,_ what is he, his dad? _Sigh._ But that's his only option. Just lay there and wait. Hope Rich doesn't wake up. So that's what he does.

His headache gets a little worse which sucks, but it helps take his mind off of things and think simpler thoughts. The bed is comfy, at least. And the warmth is nice. And crush or not, Jeremy feels like humans were made to sleep next to each other cuz waking up with someone next to you is a great feeling. Michael would probably know about that, if it's true or not. He watches a lot of Discovery and reads National Geographic magazines sometimes. Michael with the trivia. Rich likes watching shitty movies. If it's widely regarded as shit, he likes it for the very reason that it is shit. He also likes movies that aren't technically shit, but display early era technology. Spy Kids. He likes spy kids too much. Like, yeah Jeremy watched those movies again with Rich one night and was surprised to find they're actually all really good, but god Rich loves them to death. It's endearing, but even if Jeremy had the courage to tell Rich that, he still wouldn't want to admit it out of spite.

He's pulled from his thoughts by Rich nuzzling into his neck and pulling himself closer, pressing his entire body flush against Jeremy's back. The action sends shivers up his spine and sparks through his veins, which means it's time for Jeremy to leave right now, awkwardness be damned.

He bolts up out of Rich's arms, suddenly hella fucking cold, but free from Rich's torture. His head also starts to pound from the sudden movement. He shuts his eyes tight, face screwed up in pain, hand against his temple, a low keen escaping him. God damn that sudden sitting was a bad move. Rich wakes up, no surprise, and blearily takes in his surroundings. He looks up at Jeremy and looks startled to see him for a moment, but quickly dissolves into concern. He sits up and reaches over to the nightstand and grabs the pills and water, handing both to Jeremy. He had forgotten about those, bless Rich for thinking of him last night.

Jeremy gratefully takes the pills and chugs the water, Rich looking amused but not unkind.

"Better?" He asks.

"I will be." Jeremy sighs.

They sit in silence for a little while, Jeremy just waiting for his headache to subside, Rich picking at the blanket, looking more nervous by the second.

"What?" Jeremy asks.

"Huh?"

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, n-nothing. I was- uh no it's nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing." What is it with Rich and being nervous around Jeremy lately? And how is it that every time Rich gets nervous, Jeremy's nerves disappear. It's like there's only one anxiety and him and Rich have to take turns using it. That's pretty funny, Jeremy laughs at that thought in his head. Yeah maybe they have to share their anxiety. Or maybe it's just that whenever Rich seems anxious, Jeremy feels such a strong urge to help him, his own worries take a back seat. Could be that. It's probably that. 

Rich looks like he's having an intense debate in his head, but ultimately all he says is, "Yeah no I'm fine, I'm cool, don't worry, uhh I need to go to the bathroom."

And with that he's out the door, leaving Jeremy a bit stunned, sitting in bed. It's Jeremy's turn on the anxiety again, it seems, as he starts to think about why Rich is acting so weird. It's not a far leap, he's gotta be weirded out. Maybe even annoyed. Maybe even _disgusted._ Jeremy drank a few too many, hung grossly off of Rich all night, and didn't even let him sleep on his own. Rich probably wants to be as far away from Jeremy as possible. Hell, maybe he even knows about the gross state Jeremy woke up in, he could have been awake the whole time. Maybe he even deduced Jeremy's feelings for him from all of his obvious behavior last night and is creeped out. Maybe he'll never speak to him again. 

Yeah he's gonna have to do better than that, those are all pretty far fetched ideas, and he already spent the better half of the morning being genuinely anxious, he doesn't have any energy to spare on these overdramatic thoughts. Rich will come back in (hopefully) and Jeremy will take his cues from him like always. Rich is always very good at giving Jeremy cues. If he tells him to be anxious, then he'll be anxious, but he will resolutely not begin early. He's patient. He can wait for permission to have an anxiety attack.

Jeremy is thinking about how absolutely fucking weird that last thought was when Rich returns. He quietly shuffles through the door, stopping just inside, looking awkward. Oh boy. Jeremy braces himself.

"Are we still… cool?"

"What?" Jeremy really breaks out the smart responses every time Rich defies his expectations. 

"With the… bed sharing… and... everything…" he trails off there. Is Rich… embarrassed about cuddling Jeremy? Jeremy completely forgot to factor that in during his pre-freakout, that Rich was the one to initiate cuddling during the night. That one was entirely on him. Rich finishes his sentence, "are we… alright?"

Jeremy really thinks the tables are turned here, that he should be asking that, that Rich is the one who can give that answer, but Rich seems to think the spooning means Jeremy can answer instead, so he does.

"Y-yeah." Nice stutter asshole. Still, Jeremy smiles, hoping to convey _yes, we're fine please accept my acceptance, I want us to be fine._

Rich's entire self suddenly relaxes and a smile takes up his face. He nods once.

"Okay great! Do you want breakfast? Are you nauseous at all?" Rich makes a complete fucking 180 and Jeremy's achy head reels to try to catch up. Breakfast sounds _great._

"Uh, yeah! To breakfast, I mean, I'm not nauseous. Still kinda headache-y but yeah."

Rich shoots him a sympathetic look. "Yeah, food might help. Let's go raid Brooke's kitchen."

Jeremy pats around his pockets and looks around the bed as he gets up, realizing he hasn't seen his phone since last night. Rich notices, and walks over to his discarded pants on the floor, victoriously pulling his phone from the pocket, and handing it to Jeremy. He takes it and checks the time. Only 10am? God, Jeremy usually sleeps until at least noon if not later. (Though he did go to sleep at, what, 11 last night? Way earlier than usual.)

They tiptoe down to the kitchen. The house is super quiet so they're assuming they're the only ones up. It's fun to sneak around this huge house with Rich, it makes him feel like a little kid. They're both stifling giggles the whole time, pretending to be spies infiltrating some enemy base or whatever. It's incredibly lame and Jeremy gets the very distinct impression that the squip wouldn't approve, just like when Christine was being hyper or fun, it would be extremely judgemental. Jeremy also gets the distinct impression though, that he doesn't give a shit about what the squip would think about this. He's having fun with his friend and crush and that's what matters. His heart feels warm and full and Jeremy is _happy_ and that is what matters.

They reach the kitchen, pristine, cream colored cabinets and beautiful, clean marble countertops a stark contrast to Jeremy's and Rich's houses. Jeremy doesn't even know where to begin here, but Rich seems to have a vague idea of where things are. He's wrong a few times, opening many drawers to try to find silverware, but he knows where the pantry is. Jeremy follows Rich around the kitchen like a puppy, looking over his shoulder but also trying to stay out of the way.

Rich is rooting around in the pantry when he finds something, and turns to Jeremy with a scheming smile.

"You wanna have fancy breakfast?" Rich holds up a box of pancake mix (the kind you just add water to) and Jeremy would never call boxed mix pancakes fancy but considering he knows they were both ready to just take whatever scraps they could find, be that pop tarts or fruit, yeah, making pancakes is a bit fancy. Jeremy nods eagerly, actually hella fucking excited for pancakes. He's goddamn starving, and they sound really good right now. Rich grins and exits the pantry, Jeremy quickly following. 

Rich seems to be taking charge, here, as he roots around to grab bowls, plates, and a skillet. It's just as well, Jeremy is content to let Rich lead. He'll help out where he can, wherever Rich needs. Rich seems to catch on subliminally, or maybe Jeremy is the one who caught on to Rich deeming himself head chef.

"Okay," Rich says, taking the bag of mix out of the box and handing the box to Jeremy, "please read me the instructions. How much mix and how much water?" Jeremy notes Rich seems very excited as he takes the box from him. Cute.

"Um, okay, it says for… 24 pancakes to add 4 cups of mix and 2½ cups of water, do we want that many pancakes?"

"Um, fuck yeah we do. I don't know where the baking shit is, like measuring cups and stuff, how much is a cup?"

"What? I don't know." 

"Hm. Well, I guess we could just... add water and mix until it looks right?"

"I thought baking was an exact science."

"Ehhhh whatever, it'll be fine? Probably?"

"Probably?!" Jeremy starts to laugh at that. Rich laughs too. God neither of them have any clue what they're doing, this is going to be a disaster.

Rich opens the bag of mix and pours a bunch into a bowl until he thinks it's enough. He then adds an amount of water he thinks is reasonable. It ends up being way too much water and he needs to add more mix. That cycle (and Jeremy's laughter) continues a couple more rounds until the mixing bowl is filled to the brim with now deemed 'perfect consistency batter'. Jeremy is making fun of Rich for making so much. 

"Rich that's so fucking much-"

"Shut up-"

"How are we gonna eat all of that?" Jeremy is cackling. 

"We-! The! The rest of the people upstairs can eat them!"

"How many people actually stayed over? With this much batter we can probably make like, over 100 pancakes, I don't think there are 100 people up there, considering there definitely weren't even 100 people at the party."

"You might want to check your math on that one, dumbass, who the fuck only eats _one_ pancake?"

"Oh… shit you're right, fuck."

It's Rich's turn to cackle at Jeremy, and Jeremy does something… stupid. Without really thinking, he takes a swipe of the batter on his fingers and boops a spot of it onto Rich's nose. Rich stops laughing and very cutely scrunches his nose up, processing what just happened. He wipes the batter off, looks at it, then slowly turns to Jeremy. The look in his eyes reminds Jeremy of the tickle fight and he knows he's made a mistake.

Rich quickly dips his fingers into the batter and playfully slaps it across Jeremy's cheek. Jeremy squawks and runs, Rich immediately bolting after him with more batter on each hand. As Jeremy runs around the kitchen island, he wonders how he keeps getting into these situations. These painfully domestic, lovey situations. Jeremy doesn't want it to turn awkward like the tickle fight did, so instead of surrendering, he does what he thinks a normal teenage boy who isn't crushing hard on his friend would do- attack back, no matter the cost.

Jeremy stops at the bowl of batter and generously dips his hands in. It feels fucking terrible, but the ammunition is worth it, as Rich halts in his tracks and tries to back up. Jeremy has Rich beat in his reach, so he doesn't even need to step forward to smack his hands against Rich's cheeks, effectively leaving two handprints of gross pale batter dripping onto his shirt. It's Rich's turn to squawk, if you could call the screeching noise he makes a squawk. Rich decides to go all or nothing and runs right up to Jeremy, uncaring of how Jeremy now has free range to cover him in batter. He slaps both hands on either side of Jeremy's face, smooshing his cheeks together, then attempts to dodge Jeremy's retaliation to get more batter, but just ends up redirecting Jeremy's attack to end up in his hair. That's going to feel _great_ later. Rich gets his batter on one hand and manages to smother Jeremy's neck in it. At this point, both of their shirts are also wet and gross from batter dripping onto them, and Jeremy shivers at the truly awful feeling of cold, wet pancake batter dripping down his neck. It seems Jeremy is going to have to surrender after all. 

He puts his gross hands up and starts yelling to Rich that he surrenders, closing his eyes and bracing for one last attack. It doesn't come, Rich stops immediately, so Jeremy opens his eyes and Rich is very close to him, leaning up into his space. Jeremy is scared for a moment that this _is_ going to end the same way as the tickle fight, but Rich very slowly, very deliberately brings his hand up to Jeremy's face, stopping just inches from him. Jeremy glances between Rich's hand and his face. After an agonizing moment of silence and stillness, Rich quickly boops Jeremy's nose, and Jeremy crumples into laughter. Rich follows suit, and for a wonderful, time stopping minute, they both just lean against the counter and each other, and laugh. Jeremy opens his eyes to look at Rich but seeing the damage only makes him laugh more. He tries to be nice and wipe some of the batter out of Rich's hair, but he just ends up smearing it more and making it worse which sends them both into another round of giggles. Jeremy hasn't laughed quite like this in a while. These hysterical belly laughs that feel like they have no end. This light, airy feeling just between the two of them. Just. Pure laughter.

Eventually it has to end, as they both need to breathe at some point. They taper out into giggles, and just look at each other for a bit, smiling. The batter is starting to dry in some places and really, it feels absolutely terrible but Jeremy is wholly focused on how Rich looks right now, also covered in gross batter, grinning up at him with that million watt smile of his, eyes all squinty and happy, both a beautiful deep brown. Warm, and encompassing. 

Rich looks down and then moves away a bit, looking at the batter splotches on the counter and the floor, then at himself, then finally back to Jeremy, who follows his gaze around and comes to the same conclusion. It is, unfortunately, clean up time. _We haven't even started making pancakes yet._

Jeremy says as much to Rich, and Rich giggles. Jeremy volunteers to clean up the mess while Rich gets to work actually making breakfast because Jeremy is fucking hungry and also he kinda started it. Rich agrees, quickly wipes his face with a paper towel, and immediately starts in on heating the pan and getting a cup or ladle to scoop the batter with. He's still covered in batter.

Jeremy realizes then that it's going to be up to him to clean Rich. Okay. Yeah, that's fine, that's no big deal, he can clean off Rich, bros do that all the time, right? Not really… but apes do it, don't they? Communal grooming and shit? Humans are apes. Yeah, it's like a family thing, right? Doesn't have to be romantic, right? Jeremy tries to psych himself up instead of psych himself out as he procrastinates the inevitable by cleaning the counters and floors first. It mostly works, but he's still having heart palpitations once he finishes and only has himself and Rich left to do. He makes sure the water is warm this time as he closes in with the wet cloth. Right, right, he's basically done this before, rubbing lotion on your friend is _weirder_ than cleaning food off of them.

But it's still just as intimate. Jeremy doesn't warn Rich before reaching in and lightly wiping his face with the towel. Rich is surprised, but easily leans over to allow Jeremy access as he works pouring batter onto the griddle. If he notices Jeremy's hand shaking, he doesn't act like it. Jeremy is sure to be careful not to rub Rich's burns too much. He doesn't actually know if it would hurt more or be bad for the skin but he does it anyway and Rich never corrects him so he guesses it's fine.

Jeremy starts to get really emotionally caught in what he's doing. He remembers when his mom would do this for him when he was younger, he remembers the gentle touch of someone who loved him, displaying that love with soft, domestic actions like this one. Jeremy wonders if Rich has memories like that. He knows both him and Rich only have dads now, but Rich never liked to talk about his mom in detail, so he doesn't know when she left, or even what happened to her. Just that she existed at one point. He's always sure to be careful when talking about mothers to Rich. It's not that hard, considering it can be a hard topic for himself as well.

Which is why Jeremy is getting a bit too emotional at wiping fucking pancake batter off of his friend. It shouldn't mean that much, but it does to Jeremy, he cant deny the intimacy, and he can't help but let his affection bleed through into his actions, letting his movements be slow, and his touches soft. Being delicate not because he thinks he thinks Rich needs it, but because maybe, he deserves it.

Jeremy finishes his cleaning by wiping the crusted batter out of Rich's hair as best as he can, then standing back to look over his work. There's still wet spots on his shirt and his hair is still messy but, he did the best he could. He notices Rich looks a bit flushed, and is very pointedly focusing on the pancakes, not looking at Jeremy in the slightest. Whether that's from the grooming or the heat from the stove, Jeremy does not let himself ponder it. The intimacy and domesticity of this is already way too much for him and he's still covered in nasty half dried glop. He turns over the towel and quickly gets to work on himself, not being nearly as gentle or reverent as he was with Rich. 

"Pretty sure we're both going to need showers today," Jeremy remarks, setting the used towel down by the sink.

Rich chuckles, flipping a pancake expertly, "What you haven't heard? It's that new, _essance d'brea fas_ look that's been selling all over the internet." Now Jeremy chuckles.

"Oh, it's french?"

"Yeah it's french."

They giggle a bit to themselves, and Jeremy watches Rich zoom through the pancake making process, impressed by Rich's flipping skills and ability to not burn the pancakes. Rich asks if he really doesn't know how to flip pancakes, and Jeremy admits that he's just never done it.

"What do you mean you've never flipped a pancake?" Rich seems affronted.

"We don't eat them that often and when we do I never make them!"

"That's crazy."

"I've flipped latkes," badly.

Rich scoffs, "You're going to learn how to flip pancakes right now, today, c'mere, Heere."

Jeremy rolls his eyes but obeys, sidling up next to Rich. He hands him the spatula and tells him to go for it. Jeremy is the affronted one now.

"You said I was gonna learn, telling me to 'go for it' is not teaching me."

"The best way to learn is by doing! So do! That one's gonna burn if you don't flip it."

Yeah that sounds like something a dad would say, and honestly Jeremy is willing to bet Rich's dad has that kind of attitude unironically. Probably where Rich heard it from.

"Yeah that's objectively bullshit," Jeremy says, but goes to pick the pancake up anyway. He successfully wedges it onto the spatula without wrinkling it much, but he doesn't know exactly where to go from there. Rich says, "now just flip it over, with confidence," but like… where? There's 3 other pancakes on the pan, there's no _room._ He tries to gently flop it over back into the same spot, but he soon understands why Rich told him to flip it 'with confidence' because the pancake just slides right off the spatula and crumples over onto itself and its neighbor.

Rich guffaws and Jeremy just puts his hands over his eyes, sighing deeply. Rich pats him on the back but can't get any words of encouragement out with how much he's laughing. The pat on the back turns more into Rich leaning on Jeremy so he doesn't fall over. Jeremy shoves him and Rich just takes it, chuckles finally dying out with a little "sorry" tacked on the end in a way that makes it sound like he's not sorry at all.

"What are you two doing?" Comes a voice from the doorway. They both whip around and find Brooke standing there, hands on her hips, Jenna settling her chin sleepily on Brooke's shoulder, arms around her waist, kind of ruining the whole intimidation factor with how cute the picture is. Brooke drops her commanding stance immediately though when she sees the pancakes, and Jenna perks up.

"Oh my god wait that's what we smelled? You made _pancakes?"_

"Aw, hell yeah guys! I forgive you for making a mess of my kitchen and waking me up with how fucking loud you two are. And for… making messes of each other? Is that pancake batter in your _hair?"_

Both Jeremy and Rich blush a little at that. They also blush at realizing that, yes indeed, their laughter was probably loud enough to wake up the whole house. They are proven right as more people start to come downstairs, some bidding farewell and leaving immediately, some staying for breakfast, courtesy of Rich. Brooke and Jenna take plates for themselves and Brooke gets out the rest of the necessities Rich forgot, like syrup and butter. She also makes plates and forks accessible on the counter.

Jeremy watches as more and more people wake up and wander downstairs, including a still very sleepy Michael who simply waves at Jeremy and takes a plate of pancakes to the table on autopilot. The Lohst family has a pretty large dining table but it fills up quickly and soon the chatter can be heard in the other room, people fully awake now and recounting the previous night. Jeremy kind of wants to join the conversation and talk to Michael, but he stays in the kitchen with Rich, wanting to be near him more. Rich tries to assure him that he'll be fine, he can go eat, "weren't you like, super hungry?" but Jeremy just assures him back that he's fine and wants to keep Rich company. Rich tries to hide a smile and turns back to the pancakes. He gets three at once on his spatula, impressive, and places them delicately on a separate plate which he then forcefully gives to Jeremy.

"At least eat while you're here."

Jeremy won't argue with that. He goes to the table briefly to get butter and syrup but returns to the kitchen and sits at the island. The pancakes taste great, Rich is a good cook. Rich looks pretty good too, working in front of a stove. He could become a professional chef, that would be cool.

Jeremy spaces out staring at Rich's back while he eats slowly. A few people come into the kitchen to place dishes in the sink, and some leave soon after as well. The thing that snaps Jeremy out of his reverie, however, is Michael sitting down next to him. Jeremy looks up and smiles at him, always happy to see Michael, especially with how little he was with him last night since he was hanging all over Rich the whole time. Michael had never been the one in their pair to want to venture out on his own. He always preferred to keep to himself and just Jeremy, only ever branching out for things he needed like weed and ancient soda. Jeremy hopes Michael doesn't feel… abandoned, with how much he's been focusing on Rich. Oh dear, that could be really bad actually. He can't just have that conversation in front of Rich though, not only would it out him a little bit, he respects Michael's privacy. 

"Hey man, how you doing? How'd you do last night?" Jeremy hopes his sentiments come across. Michael was the first person to ever be able to read Jeremy like a book, he's the OG, and that hasn't changed. Michael shoots Jeremy a genuine smile that not only tells him he's fine, but that Jeremy's messages have been received. 

"I'm pretty good actually. Gabe has been nice to talk to lately, and Farrah is certainly interesting if nothing else. They both actually appreciate my nature facts unlike you," Michael teases. Rich chuckles very quietly, definitely not supposed to be heard. Seems he's eavesdropping, but Jeremy can't really blame him as they're having the conversation right behind him. Also Jeremy wouldn't have noticed the subtle laughter if he wasn't so god damn in tune with everything Rich lately. He's positive Michael didn't notice it, as he just continues. "I mostly hung out with Christine last night talking about Beetlejuice so all in all it was pretty alright!" Jeremy knows about Michael's abundant feelings about the Beetlejuice movie, AND Christine's feelings about the latest broadway production of Beetlejuice, so he's sure they had plenty to talk about last night, and quite frankly, he's glad. He lets that show on his face.

Michael pats a hand on his shoulder, deviously looks over at Rich, back still turned to them and definitely not listening in, and then back to Jeremy, and Jeremy instantly knows he's in for trouble.

"So, how was _your_ night, Jeremy?" Michael clearly knows how Jeremy's night went and is just trying to rile Jeremy up. It 100% works too, and Jeremy is kind of mad at himself for being so easy to predict. 

"It was GOOD." Jeremy takes his last bite of breakfast and shoves it in his mouth resolutely. He then sends Eyes to Michael that say he'll tell him about it later, and Michael makes surprised eyes back, clearly thinking there's actually been a development. Jeremy dispels that with a minuscule shake of the head and a dismissal of the silent conversation. Simultaneously, Rich finishes up the pancakes, and Brooke and Jenna enter the kitchen with empty plates.

"Oh good you're done!"

"Yeah, you want me to do the dishes?"

"Oh geez no, just dump 'em in the dishwasher."

"You sure? It's a lot, we could do it," Jeremy pipes up, not wanting to let Rich do all the work, but Brooke shakes her head.

"We have a dishwasher, use it."

Rich shrugs and goes to start loading the dishwasher, but Jeremy hops to his feet.

"Rich, I'll do it."

"What? It's okay, I'm in a zone right now."

"Whatever, you made like a billion pancakes and you haven't even eaten any yet, go eat, I'll load the dishwasher."

Rich looks like he wants to refute again but obviously there are no faults in Jeremy's perfect logic so Rich just thanks him and grabs a few pancakes, sitting down where Jeremy just was.

Brooke looks impressed but also a little weirded out. "Sheesh what kind of guys are you? You wanna clean the den while you're at it?" Ah, yeah the den is probably still full of cups and trash and stuff from the party, from _Jeremy's_ party.

"Oh, did you want me to? It was my party, I can-"

Brooke chuckles, "It was a joke, don't worry Jere, I got it. Honestly I love having you guys over but everyone else has already left and Jenna and I can't go makeout until everyone leaves so, trust me, I don't want to keep you."

Ah, it was a joke. Yeah sometimes Jeremy takes jokes at their face value by accident. He's no stranger to sarcasm, but occasionally it just flies over his head and he cant help but react genuinely. The latter part of that sentence makes him blush a bit with how blunt she said it. He totally understands, but still, he can't help being a little embarrassed at being kicked out of a house so two people can make out. 

He nods at Brooke and quickly turns to load the dishwasher. It's mostly quiet behind him, just some shuffling, chewing, and a few hmms and mms that make him think there's a silent conversation going on behind him. Jeremy hopes and prays to any god above that Michael isn't being a weirdo to Rich about Jeremy's feelings. Like, Jeremy trusts Michael not to spill the beans, but also… He tries not to think about it. 

It's a lot of dishes. Rich finishes eating before Jeremy is finished loading, and he comes up to drop off his plate and silverware. Jeremy takes it from him with a smile, shooing him and telling him to sit, he's worked hard enough making the entire damn house breakfast. Jenna coos at them and calls them an adorable married couple, and if it were Michael saying that, he'd be pissed, but Jenna _doesn't_ know about Jeremy's feelings, or, well, he hasn't told her. Which means this is just innocent friendly teasing. Jeremy has been on the receiving end before, usually with Michael as his other half, and that was always whatever, they're best friends, they're used to people teasing them about how close they are, that's just how it is with best friends sometimes. But with Rich it's a whole other ballgame, because there are real feelings there, and they're fresh! Jeremy knows he's blushing, and just standing there, and he realizes he needs to fix his reaction right now or else people are going to realize some things. How should he react, what's his normal reaction again? The blushing happens all the time, but what does he do? It's usually… dismissal and friendly uncaring, right? Yeah okay.

Jenna is still cooing, Brooke and Michael giggling along, and Jeremy expertly rolls his eyes and turns back to what he was doing. His blush is definitely way redder than usual, but he thinks he pulled off acting normal. Hell yeah, plus 1 for the theater kid. Unfortunately in all of his expert acting, he didn't get to see how Rich reacted, but it's probably for the better. He's sure he reacted with exaggerated disgust and, joke or not, that would've hurt to see.

Jeremy finishes loading the dishwasher and leaves Brooke to start it. The three boys are then ushered upstairs to gather their shit and leave, Jeremy not even allowed to change back into his jeans.

The all wave goodbye to Brooke and Jenna, thanking Brooke for hosting the party. She waves them off sweetly, and shuts the door once they're in the driveway. Michael immediately bids a quick farewell to Rich and Jeremy, giving Jeremy a speedy bro hug and claiming his social battery is fucking dead and if he's around people any longer hes going to kill. After some laughter, and a similar hug for Rich, he’s off.

Rich turns to Jeremy and engulfs him in what is definitely not a speedy bro hug. It’s a big, warm, Rich hug, practically the only kind Rich ever gives to Jeremy these days. Jeremy will never complain. Even after an entire night spent with Rich that ended up with them sharing a bed and _cuddling,_ Jeremy revels in the closeness of the hug. Not to make it weird though, he makes sure to let go when Rich does, and even though Jeremy thinks Rich held on just a bit too long for normal social standards, he’s not going to say anything. _Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth or whatever,_ yeah, but also Jeremy isn’t the master of social rules by a long shot, obviously, he probably just misread it like usual.

“You got all your shit?” Rich asks.

“Yeah?”

“Got your phone?”

“Yes, wh-”

“Keys?”

Jeremy chuckles a bit at Rich’s doting, but still shakes the jeans he’s holding in his arms to hear the jingle of the keys he knows are in his pocket. _“Yes.”_

Rich looks relieved for some reason, as he sighs and replies, “Good.”

“Why?”

Rich smiles, “Just making sure.”

Weirdo. Doesn’t stop Jeremy from smiling back, though.

“Alright, I’m out, see you Monday.” Rich waves a hand, and walks to his truck, expertly parked behind Brookes house. Jeremy offers a small wave back, and just watches him walk away for a second before finally turning and heading down the driveway to his own car.

The air is chilled with the new autumn breeze, but Jeremy feels warm embers of happiness settle into his veins. He had a great birthday. He had a great birthday, and he had a great time with Rich. He lets his feelings loose in his mind- a rare occurrence- love and appreciation filling his heart with cotton and his cheeks with comfortable heat. Vague impressions of Rich flit lazily through his head and he’s just. Happy.

Rich drives past Jeremy down the driveway just before he reaches his car. He waves out the window, smile on his face almost blinding, and when he reaches the street, he beeps the horn twice in classic Rich fashion. Jeremy smiles and waves back, and soon Rich is down the street, out of sight.

Jeremy digs into his jeans pocket for his keys. He feels something strange, and when he pulls his keys out, there’s something attached to them that definitely wasn’t there before. Something he definitely didn’t put there himself.

It’s a keychain.

It’s a beautiful rendition of the AotD title, red letters over a black background with colorful decorations in the form of drop shadows and items from the game. Artistically, it’s just Jeremy’s style, and it feels durable. It clicks satisfyingly against his other keys. Jeremy stares at it in wonder. When he goes to fiddle with it, he notices writing on the back, and the handwriting he recognizes is undeniable.

_“Happy Birthday! 2019”_ and under it, in big, familiar letters, _”-Rich”_

Jeremy’s heart soars. A birthday gift? Rich actually got him something? When did he-? The little fucker, Jeremy told him he didn’t have to- He doesn’t even like- Jeremy smiles. Jeremy smiles and it nearly splits his face apart with how wide he’s _smiling._ He can’t spare any thoughts, not about how he wasn’t expecting the gift, not about how dumb he must look smiling to himself next to his car, he can’t think of anything but the happiness and adoration filling him to the brim, lifting his heart and sending it heavenward. Can’t think of anything but _Rich._

* * *

Jeremy drives home, and takes it easy for the rest of the day. His keys stay next to him the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might be surprised at how much little gifts could mean to someone <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I rewrote this chapter a ton (which is why it took me this long to post) because turns out i hated the original one lol. i dont _love_ this chapter tbh but at least its better than the original i think? shrug, i couldnt just get rid of it, theres a nice conversation in here! :P
> 
> i may or may not rewrite it in the future- dont count on it, but ill say that just in case i ever do lmao

October is filled with play rehearsal. Jeremy hangs out with Michael a bit more to make up for all his focus being taken by Rich lately, because even if Michael says he's fine, that doesn't mean Jeremy can just neglect him. It also doesn't mean he wants to. Michael is still his best friend, and he still loves spending time with him.

Jeremy does run lines with Rich a lot. He runs lines with others too, Christine, of course, Jenna a couple times, and even Mark once after school. But mostly it's him and Rich, at one of their houses, running lines with each other. They still don't share many scenes or conversations together, so practicing with each other has really just made them both memorize most of the entire script. Jeremy is having… fun. Like, play rehearsal last year was fine, but he finds he actually _likes_ having to learn his lines. The repetition to initiate memorization, something he kind of hates doing for school, is suddenly fun when it comes with building a character.

And god is it freeing to _have_ to act weird. Jeremy is always so conscious of how he behaves, how other people are seeing him at any given moment, he was, even before the squip. But in theater, the more afraid you are of acting strange or looking weird, the worse your performance is. Being bad at things on purpose, embracing things you don't know how to do, working through rough spots out in the open, for everyone to see, it's terrifying, it's something Jeremy has always purposefully avoided. But… surrounded by other people doing the exact same thing? Jeremy has never felt so safe. Jeremy has never had this much fun trying something new. Jeremy _really_ likes play rehearsal. 

Jeremy likes seeing Rich experience all the same stuff too. Jeremy loves seeing Rich's nervousness about his part fall away the more he sees how other people are handling their characters. Everyone is nervous, pretty much everyone in the group aside from Christine and Allie is new to theater, and Christine is a great example to follow. She's weird, and loud, and energetic, and she dives into lines headfirst, even if she has no idea how they're supposed to be read yet. Her portrayal of her character has changed drastically, many times, throughout the time they've been practicing, and seeing the expert flub lines, fall over, struggle to understand scene emotions, and laugh it all off? To see her be so comfortable being unsure and uncool in front of all of these people who are looking up to her? It's incredible. It's freeing, and inspiring, and it's the example everyone is modeling themselves after. No one maliciously makes fun of anyone for messing up, and everyone helps each other. Jeremy thinks he got really lucky here, for once.

Despite all of this fun and success from his extra curricular, he's been weighed down by something ever since his birthday party, and he thinks Rich has noticed, if the unsure glances and subtle displays of ‘hey i’m here to talk if you need to just so you know’ are anything to go by. Jeremy is fine, he's just been… trying to say something. But he hasn't been able to find the right time.

How does one… come out?

He told Michael immediately, hell Michael was a catalyst to making him realize, but other than that and accidentally saying it too loud at the party, he hasn't deliberately told anyone. His dad doesn't know, the squad doesn't know, and Rich doesn't know. He wants them to know. He wants Rich to know. _He wants to be bifriends._

And so, they're in Jeremy's room, taking a break from running lines by watching YouTube videos side by side on Jeremy's bed. His laptop is on his stomach, angled slightly so Rich can see, and Rich's head is like, a centimeter from resting on Jeremy's shoulder, but Jeremy is trying not to think about it. He's doing okay, seeing as he's preoccupied with trying to figure out how and when to come out to Rich. It's clawing its way up his throat, begging to be said, right here, right now. But he chews it back.

They're watching gaming videos, and in this new one Rich just chose, all the players personalize a name tag before the game begins. One of them has written his to say "Hello! I'm 'not straight'" and when Rich notices he cracks up and points at it on the screen, saying, "Me. Same. That one's me." A classic joke Rich says often. Jeremy chuckles at it.

That clawing in his throat gets worse as Jeremy's brain screams at him _now! now! perfect timing, just say 'same' too and if Rich questions you, you can give an easy explanation without losing your cool! Coming out with a joke is perfect, especially since he made one first, do it now! before the moment passes!_

Jeremy agrees with everything his brain is saying. He breathes in, his eyes unfocus, and he thinks about that single word on the tip of his tongue… _same._

…

But he doesn't say it. He doesn't say it, the moment passes, and he remains silent. He chickened out. He's not even afraid of anything, there are no disastrous outcomes reeling through his head, he knows at the very least Rich will be cool with it. He doesn't know why this is so hard. He feels like, if it's so hard to say out loud maybe there's a reason? Maybe bi really isn't the right fit for him? Maybe he was wrong and he's just straight with exceptions…?

But when he thinks about being 'straight with exceptions' it doesn't feel nearly as good or right as bi does. He honestly isn't too sure how sexualities and coming out are supposed to work, he never thought he would have to, but he feels like going off of your feelings is a pretty good basis and his feelings are pushing him toward bi.

Jeremy sighs for like, the 5th time that afternoon, and it seems to have been the final straw for Rich, as he sits up and looks down at Jeremy, concern etched into his features. Jeremy knows what's coming, but he has no clue how he's going to respond.

"Alright you bag of wind, what's up? You've been sighing up a storm today." Rich crosses his arms in a stern 'we're talking about this now' kind of stance. Jeremy looks away, kind of stubborn, mostly just… ashamed.

"I'm just… tired." Of course Jeremy instantly goes for the lame excuse. Jeremy _wants_ to talk about it! Jeremy wants Rich to reach inside him and forcibly pull his worries out and throw them out the window, because Jeremy isn't strong enough to do it himself. But Jeremy is a coward, and a bitch, and Jeremy can't ask for help like that. Rich speaks softly, uncrossing his arms, switching his approach since Jeremy seems serious about this.

"Oh… hey man, I want to help you, but… you can just tell me if you dont wanna talk about it," Rich says, defeatedly, but respectful.

Jeremy stays silent, fidgeting subtly. A silent cry to keep going, to please drag the truth out of him, to somehow figure it out. He can't verbally ask for help with this, but he trusts Rich and he hopes to god Rich will be able to see through him and know what to do. It's entirely unfair to put all of this on him, and to expect him to do it, but Jeremy does it anyway and just stays silent. _Push me. Force me to talk, I want to say it._ He manages to give Rich a pleading stare. Rich meets it, and pauses, parsing through it, trying to find the meaning. Jeremy hopes he can do it. Rich hesitates but goes to speak again.

"You've been… off lately. Sighing and like… worried. You look like you've been thinking about stuff..." Jeremy feels incredible relief that Rich parsed his pleading through just a look, but Jeremy still isn't quite there yet. He's still clammed up. "What's… what's _wrong,_ Jeremy? Please tell me…?" Rich almost whispers, clearly unsure if pushing is actually the right answer. It is, and Jeremy is about to rejoice at Rich saying the magic words that fill him with the courage and _permission_ to talk but before that can show on Jeremy's face, Rich keeps talking, softly, not looking at Jeremy, a soft frown pulling his words down, "...Did I… did I do something?"

And it's like a bucket of ice over Jeremy's cowardice that rips him from his own mind and brings him back into the real world. The real world, where other people are affected by his actions. The real world where his indignant silence has made Rich think he's _mad at him?_ He shoots up with a very loud, "No!" that startles both him and Rich.

"No! I mean no, you didn't do anything, you're- you're fine, we're fine, it's just… it's just me." Jeremy's frantic assurance tapers off at the end and his hands that were raised in submission slowly fall to his lap, as does his gaze. "It's just me."

Rich seems sympathetic to the difficulty Jeremy is having with talking right now. It makes him feel a little better. Rich says nothing, silently prompting Jeremy to keep trying.

"I- I'm…- argh!" Jeremy sighs angrily, still not able to get it out. The more he drags it on the more dramatic it gets and the harder it is to just rip the bandaid off. He needs to find a loose edge to grab onto."So, you know how we have a lot in common?" Jeremy says, kind of angrily, trying to force the words out by saying other words.

"Uh- yeah, I guess?" Rich replies, startled.

"Well I'm-! Ugh- I have…! I have one more thing. In common with you."

They both pause, and Jeremy feels his fingers finally curl around that bandaid, gripping tight. He pulls.

"I'm… bi."

There's silence.

"You're bi?"

Jeremy nods.

Rich stares.

Jeremy stares.

Rich smiles.

Rich smiles and Jeremy can see the energy start to course through him. He starts to bounce in place, slapping his hands on his legs and then letting out a happy laugh. Jeremy laughs a little bit with him, still waiting for the full reaction. It comes soon enough, as Rich engulfs Jeremy in a hug and yells, "That's amazing! Jeremy, this is amazing!" 

Rich's happiness and enthusiasm bleed into Jeremy with the contact and Jeremy smiles wide, feeling giddy and light.

Rich pulls out of the hug, arms outstretched between then, hands on Jeremy's shoulders. "This is so cool! This is great! I have a bi bro! I- b-bi friends! We're bi friends!" Jeremy laughs abruptly, taken by surprise as Rich says the term Jeremy has been thinking about for months, even if it probably has a slightly more platonic meaning for him. Rich seems positively giddy, as he laughs too.

Jeremy feels incredible. He was so scared and hesitant, and he knew he had no reason to think this would go wrong but even so, it feels damn good to see Rich react so positively. So _happily._

Their laughter dies down a bit and Rich speaks again, warmly. "Man, this is great. Thanks for telling me."

"Thanks for reacting even more excited than me when I found out," Jeremy teases. Rich playfully shoves him.

"Of course I'm excited, dude, I have a friend who's bi too now! Same fucking orientation! How cool is that?" Rich grins. "Now the only straight one left in the squad is Chloe, I think." Jeremy laughs at that. Rich is right too, which makes it funnier. 

Jeremy is pleased with this. He's pleased with the current mood and he's pleased with himself. Jeremy hadn't actually paused the video, and he becomes aware of it playing softly from its place on the bed. Jeremy picks it up and lays down again, settling the laptop on his stomach once more and looking at Rich to invite him to lay down again too. He does. They both shift and settle back into place where they were. Rich sadly still doesn't actually rest his head on Jeremy's shoulder.

"Have you told anyone else?" Rich asks after a few minutes.

"Just Michael. I mean, he was the reason I realized, so he kind of has to know."

Rich leans back from Jeremy and looks at him. "He's… the reason you realized?"

Jeremy looks over at Rich and doesn't even process his facial expression before understanding what he said. "N-not like that! We were just talking and hanging out and like, he had insight and perspective you know? So we talked about shit and he was like 'jeremy thats called liking boys' and I was like 'oh fuck!' You know?" Jeremy is kind of lying but that's pretty much what the moment _felt_ like. It's not like Jeremy can admit he was talking about Rich. That, in that way, Rich was the one to make him realize.

Rich looks… hmmm well Jeremy would say Rich looks like he's trying to hide relief, which is weird. Why does he need to be relieved Jeremy and Michael aren't together. Maybe… maybe because he would feel awkward third wheeling them? Or maybe he would feel awkward lying in bed with Jeremy watching videos, but… that's something friends can still do right? Even if Rich got a partner, they could still… do this right? Ah shit, those are sad thoughts.

Rich interrupts the sad thoughts, thankfully, giggling to himself. "_'that's called liking boys'_ What were you even talking about before that?" Rich jokes.

Fuck. Jeremy doesn't like lying to Rich, but Rich is making him.

"Uh, just, like, um…" fuck shit dammit hell, "... just… apparently boys are… attractive. And the way I talked about it made it obvious I guess."

That's like, not an answer at all, but it seems to be enough for Rich, as he giggles again and finally, _finally,_ lays his head down on Jeremy's shoulder. The contact sends sparks through him, and warmth fills his chest. And his cheeks. His face burns and his heart beats loudly, and normally he hates all of these bodily reactions, they remind him of his anxiety, they're not really _pleasant_ to experience, but the cause of them sweeps all negative thoughts away as sweet euphoria settles into Jeremy's mind and he glows with love for the boy next to him.

Rich's giggles taper off into a soft, content, "Same."

Jeremy refocuses on the video, and for a good minute, he bathes in the nice atmosphere and commits the feeling of Rich leaning against his shoulder to memory. Rich picks the conversation back up though, or rather, tries to start a new one.

"So you wanna like… talk about boys or something?"

Jeremy can't help it. He bursts into laughter, loud, and wheezy, unfortunately causing Rich to have to lift his head as Jeremy all buy curls in on himself with giggles.

"What!" Rich exclaims.

Jeremy just laughs more, and Rich pouts. Jeremy goes to wipe an actual tear, causing Rich to roll his eyes. Jeremy collects himself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I gotta be real with you, that's the funniest thing that's ever come out of your mouth."

Rich pouts harder, "Listen! I'm all excited now to have a friend who's like me, but I dunno what to do with it! It seemed like a natural offer!"

Jeremy stifles more giggles, "So it’s natural to talk about boys with your friend like a couple of preteens from a 50s movie?"

Jeremy giggles and Rich sighs. "Fine, have your laughs. As much as it _pains_ me to say it," _how dramatic,_ "I guess you're right. I don't really even know why that was my first idea." Rich chuckles a bit.

"I mean, we can if you want to? But I don't really know what I'd talk about, I've never done it before, obviously." Jeremy rests back against the pillow while Rich sits cross legged and looks down at him, resting his chin in his hand. Jeremy remembers his cover story and tacks on, "Deliberately, at least."

"Well, we could just straight up mention people who are attractive. Or rate our friends." Rich sticks his tongue out for that, being cheeky. Jeremy laughs and gestures for him to give the example and go first.

"Well then, can we acknowledge Jake?"

"Ah, yes, the hottest guy at school, and most beautiful boy on the planet, I'm familiar," Jeremy says, quite casually for how fluttery he feels to be saying that kind of thing out loud for the first time. He's doing this. He's bi. He's going to say all of those things he thought about boys in the past but ignored and dismissed. 

Well. Most things. Probably still going to leave out his feelings for Rich, but the rest is still a big step for him.

Rich laughs, and yells, "Right!? God, the squip wanted me to be friends with him _and_ convince myself I'm straight? Fucking impossible."

Jeremy giggles, and Rich giggles, and this is actually more fun than Jeremy thought it was going to be. Rich continues.

"Okay, okay, how about Michael? I'm sure you could wax poetic about him, right?"

Jeremy quickly remembers his worries about Rich possibly being into Michael, but he very forcefully tamps them down. "Of course I can, he's my best friend. He's very cute and extremely lovable."

"I think you mean hot as fuck, but you do you." For all of the strangeness in this conversation, Rich seems to be having fun, if his smirk is anything to go by. Jeremy isn't sure he likes where this is going though...

"Really? I always thought his looks were more, like, soft. Do you... have a thing for him?" Jeremy loves to torture himself, it seems, but Rich waves a hand dismissively. 

"Nah, nah, we're friends. I platonically think he's hot."

Jeremy snorts a bit at that, but he’s mostly relieved. Obviously he wouldn't have done anything if Rich had said that he _was_ interested in Michael, but he's still glad to have the confirmation that he doesn't need to worry about it. A little smile takes place on his face, and he tries to mask it with jokes.

"Do you just think all your friends are hot?"

"Yes."

"Slut."

Rich gasps very dramatically and Jeremy just laughs more.

"Honestly I'm surprised we have different opinions about this," Rich says.

"Why?"

"I… well, I kind of always thought that _you_ liked him."

Jeremy is about to ask, "really?" when he realizes it makes sense, and also explains some of Rich's behavior in junior year. 

"I used to. The first, last, and only time I liked Michael was in 8th grade."

"Oho, you did like him!? Way back then, though? You seriously had a crush on a boy in 8th grade but didn't know you were bi until senior year?"

"Wh- fuck you, like you're one to talk!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Says the guy who had a crush on me in freshman year but didn't realize he was bi until junior year!"

"WHA- oh yeah I forgot I told you about that, didn't I?" Rich blushes and shyly scratches his neck.

Jeremy smugly declares a single "Ha!" And Rich concedes. 

"Alright, alright, I gotta get it over with, classic bi bro bonding time now, what about me?"

Jeremy looks up to Rich to see him holding his arms out in a sort of 'behold me' manner, silly, and cute. That doesn't stop Jeremy's heart from skipping a beat, nor his stomach from swooping wildly into his throat.

"...Y-you?"

Rich looks embarrassed, but keeps his arms outheld and plows through it like a pro, "Yes, come on man, do you think I'm attractive?" He actually looks a little nervous about it, and vulnerable. Does this mean that much to him? In a way that's kind of even cuter.

Jeremy is a bit frozen though. He can't decide between the funny answer or the truthful answer. He knows both are acceptable right now, but he can't predict the outcomes of either option, leaving him floundering for a moment too long. A few moments too long. Oh god, too much time has passed with him not saying anything, that's really awkward and suspicious, fuck, fuck, say something. Say something! Pick one!

"You're... really hot."

…

You know, a simple 'yes' probably would have sufficed there. But no, Jeremy just had to admit his attraction to Rich after debating way too long about it, definitely not suspicious, not a dead giveaway to how he really feels at all. Jeremy thinks he wants the earth to pull him down into its core. It's probably _cooler_ there than his face is right now.

Rich also goes scarlet. If Jeremy were not so preoccupied with wanting to die, he would take the time to appreciate it, but as it is, the both of them are left flustered and floundering for a good second, before Jeremy can finally manage a few syllables, trying to salvage… _anything._

“I-I d-didn’t, I wasn’t- I didn’t mean-”

But Rich quickly covers Jeremy’s mouth with his shaking hands and yells, “No! Don’t-! Don’t take it back!!! You said it, I heard it, it’s mine now, no take-backs!” Rich is still as red as a tomato, but he’s smiling, and laughing, and god is it a beautiful sight. It also calms Jeremy down immensely, puts the jovial nature back into the conversation. He smiles into Rich’s hands, and laughs too.

Jeremy removes the hands from his mouth and asks, still mirthful, “What about me then?”

Rich grins cockily, “Oh smash for sure.”

Jeremy cackles. “Alright, alright, how about Dustin? Smash or pass?”

“Smm-no pass.”

“Why?”

“His vibes are terrible.”

“Pfff-”

“How about… Chloe?”

Jeremy feels his stomach turn a bit, “Pass- pass, pass, pass, pass-”

“For real? She’s the hottest girl in school.”

Jeremy suppresses a grimace. “I’m sure.”

Rich looks a bit confusedly at him but simply drops it. Jeremy never told anyone about that aspect of Halloween. Him and Chloe talked about it, after everything, but that was the extent of it, so Jeremy supposes he can’t blame Rich for asking. He shakes himself mentally.

“Okay, since girls are apparently on the table now, what about Brooke?”

Rich makes a face that’s less of grimace than Jeremy’s had been, but is still a mess of uncomfortable and unsure.

“Hhhhmmmm, hhh I…” He sighs. “I guess, I mean- Okay listen, she’s really cute, and like technically her looks are worthy of a smash rating, and we’re good friends, but lately she’s gotten to be kind of like a sister to me so like…”

Jeremy chuckles. “Fine, fine. It’s still a smash from me.”

“Ugh.”

The conversation settles for a moment, the sounds of the video still playing cutting through the now quiet room. Rich seems to gather himself.

“What about Mark?”

“Mark?”

“From theater.”

“...Pass.”

Rich looks slightly surprised. “Yeah?”

“Yeah? Are _you_ interested in freshmen?”

Rich thinks for a second, face going kind of blank. “Huh. You got a point.”

Jeremy giggles a bit.

“He’s taller than me, though.”

Jeremy smirks. “And that makes him more appealing? A freshman is a freshman, regardless of his height.”

“Do you want to date someone taller than you?”

Jeremy is taken a bit off guard by the sudden question, and he half pretends to think about it for a second. Obviously, he really just wants to date Rich, and he actually rather likes Rich’s height, so he supposes, at least right now, in the literal sense, no he doesn’t want to date someone taller than him.

“It doesn’t really matter to me, I guess. I suppose I’ve only ever dated people shorter than me though, so,” he shrugs.

Rich seems to accept the answer but doesn’t give any feedback beyond that, unfortunately.

“Do you want to date people taller than you?”

Rich gives Jeremy a flat smirk. “Jere, everyone is taller than me.”

Jeremy lets out a laugh. “Fair enough.”

He settles into his pillow more and once again refocuses on the video. Rich also opts to lay back down instead of continuing the discussion, and he settles gently back into Jeremy’s side, soft hair pressed _just_ against Jeremy’s cheek. What a strange conversation. Jeremy feels like he discovered a lot about Rich, but at the same time, he doesn’t feel a need to think about it at all. He’s comfortable like this, mindlessly watching a video with Rich. Rich’s thoughts are kind of loud right now, Jeremy can tell he’s thinking, but he leaves it be, and instead lets his heart settle and his brain turn to mush as he just basks in the warmth of the boy next to him.

Eventually, long after Jeremy has switched through a few videos and the sky has gone dark, he looks down at Rich and notices he’s asleep. He can’t help but smile to himself as his heart fills with swirling affection and his face goes warm. He remembers they were supposed to continue running lines after the first video, and he lets out a quiet chuckle at how easily that plan fell apart. He would take this over running lines any day.

Jeremy rests his head on Rich’s and shuts his eyes, letting the soft voices from his laptop float through him. Within minutes, he’s asleep, content, mouth still turned up in the barest hint of a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woop its been a while again! we're catching up to where i left off in the writing so updates will be slower from now on, but its kind of almost done anyway (i think? who knows lol)
> 
> theres a rare POV switch at the end of the chapter! just thought id warn ya so you dont get confused. (the next chapter goes back to the normal POV tho)

Halloween is coming up and Jake isn't having a party. And since Jake isn't having a party, no one is having a party. Everyone is sure that in a year or two, some new popular kid will arise and become the Party Host, but after the fire last year and the low key trauma many people still have from it, the entire student body collectively decided it would be cool to just take it easy this year and not test their luck. Jeremy overheard a few seniors talking about wanting to sneak into a college party, to which he bids them good fucking luck. Jeremy isn't that bummed about not going to a shitty traumatic party on Halloween, but he supposes he _will_ miss having something to _do._

Or will he?

Michael loves horror, he always has. Jeremy likes horror too! Kind of! He screams like a little bitch at the slightest jump scare but! He can appreciate horror! And it's not like he's _that_ sensitive, he can play zombie games and weird shit like AotD. Really, he can appreciate horror! But haunted houses have never been a thing he wants to do. He's afraid he's going to have an actual panic attack, or piss himself, or flail and punch and actor in the face, all very not cool things to do in public. If Jeremy is going to be forced to endure horror, he would rather do it in the sanctity of his own home, which is why Michael gave up on asking Jeremy to go to haunted houses with him ages ago. So really, Jeremy doesn't understand why Michael is bringing up going to a haunted house on their way to lunch the week before Halloween. 

"Dude, you know why I don't go to haunted houses, you haven't asked in years, we talked about this!"

"Nah, nah, I know but come on hear me out, it'll be different this year!"

"Yeah? How?"

Michael sets his lunch down at the table and his butt down on the seat, Jeremy following suit. Their full table greets them and they greet back. Michael simply gestures to all of their friends.

"You have a group now." The smile on Michael's face is smug as hell, as if he's actually made a point here.

"You mean even more people to embarrass myself in front of?"

Chloe speaks up from the other side of the table, "I want to make a joke about you embarrassing yourself but I'm too curious, what are you two talking about?"

The rest nod their heads and affirm they would like to know too. Michael excitedly brings up his idea.

"I was thinking we could all go to a haunted house together on Halloween, or this weekend!"

Jeremy sighs. The reactions are mixed, but mostly positive. Rich in particular catches Jeremy's attention (because of course he does, when isn't Rich capturing Jeremy's attention.)

"That sounds tite as hell! I'm fucking down!" Rich looks incredibly excited as he high fives Michael and Jeremy finds it very cute. Encouraged by Rich's enthusiasm, the rest of the group begins to give mutual assent and they start chattering excitedly about where they can go. Even Brooke and Jake, who were hesitant at first, are ultimately on board. It seems Jeremy is the only true scaredy cat in the bunch. Rich turns from Michael to smile at him. That brilliant smile.

"You're in, right?"

How could Jeremy ever say no to Rich's adorable excitement? He sighs once more.

"Yeah, sure, I'm in."

Rich cheers and claps him on the back. Jeremy may be dreading making a fool of himself come Halloween, but at least he'll get to spend some time with Rich.

* * *

Halloween is on a Thursday, but it's not like they're partying hard, so they all decide that's the day they're going to meet up at the haunt they chose (as early as possible,) and if there's extra time after they can congregate at someone's house to watch movies and hang out or something. It's a solid plan. It's a solid plan and Jeremy is 100% jumpy the entire school day. Rich sneaks up on him during lunch and Jeremy rattles the table with his reaction. He doesnt yell too loud but boy does he startle. 

"Woah, what's wrong man?"

"N-nothing." Jeremy doesn't really want anyone else to know how much of a wimp he is but he can predict that since it's Rich asking, the truth is about to come out no matter what he wants.

And yes, he was right. Rich looks around before leaning into Jeremy's space and whispering to him, very seriously, very concerned, _very sweet._

"Seriously are you alright? Do you need anything?" 

Jeremy sighs, "Yeah, I'm just…" well, might as well just say it, "I'm just a little bitch when it comes to horror, so I'm nervous about tonight."

Rich is quiet for a moment, before a snort escapes from him. Jeremy hadn't been looking down at him for his own sanity, but at that he shoots a half-hearted glare at Rich, who backs up a little and puts his hands up.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wasn't laughing at you, I promise. I just was _not_ expecting you to say that, it caught me off guard." Little giggles escape him whilst he says this which really help to dampen the apology. Jeremy isn't mad at all, it is kind of funny, but he sticks to his role anyway and flips Rich off, quickly stealing his jello cup from his tray.

"Hey, fucker! You have your own!" Rich yells, reaching to grab it back. Jeremy just puts it in his other hand and holds it far, far away from Rich, blocking his reach with his body. Maybe a bad move, maybe a good move, depending on how Jeremy sees the act of playfully forcing Rich to press up against him, trying to reach his food. Rich pouts on his shoulder and Jeremy snickers, knowing he's won. Or at least, he thought he had.

Jeremy feels the jello slip from his grasp, and when he turns to look, Michael is the triumphant victor now, brandishing a spoon and immediately digging into the snack. Both Rich and Jeremy whine, but share amusement at their own antics. They go back to their food, and Michael does actually give Rich his jello back, minus the spoonful he ate. Rich is grateful anyway. The conversation from earlier gets revived.

"Are you actually gonna be alright? Like, do you not want to go?" Rich asks, looking down at his tray imploringly. Jeremy decidedly does not sigh again, but his face betrays his want to.

"No, I'll be fine, I'm still gonna go, I just… I dunno, I feel like I'm going to make a fool of myself."

Rich looks up and subtly pats his shoulder in a show of comfort, but outwardly puts on some joke bravado and very confidently exclaims, "No need to worry! I'll stay right by your side the whole time and protect you! No foul villain shall lay a hand on you, dear boy, I will fight any who dare try!" It's silly, and adorable, and Jeremy may want to give in and giggle with Rich, but he has a reputation as an actor to uphold here.

Jeremy very obviously rakes his eyes over Rich, scanning him up and down slowly, ending at his face, and raises a brow, smiling, "Uh huh… I suppose you could make a decent snack for a monster to give me time to escape…" Rich squawks in offence. Michael joins in.

"I dunno, Jere, he looks more like one of those fun sized candies you eat in like, two seconds, you sure you can run that fast?" They laugh at Rich's expense while he stutters and mocks more offence.

"Fine! See if I let you cower behind me then! Fucker!"

"I'd hurt my back trying to bend down that far-" he erupts into more giggles. Rich pouts and crosses his arms high over his chest. Jeremy lets the giggles fade out and tries to get Rich to unfurl, but he refuses.

"Aww, come on-"

"No! You made fun of my height! That's a low blow and you know it!"

Both Jeremy and Michael just look at Rich, faces screwed up to try not to let more laughter through at Rich's accidental jab at himself. Rich is confused for a moment by the reaction, but soon enough, it clicks. 

"What are you- wait… 'low-' ah, fucks sake, I walked into it." Rich dejectedly hangs his arms at his sides and plops his face onto the table while Jeremy and Michael get the rest of their giggles out.

Jeremy knows this is all in good fun, and Jeremy knows Rich knows that too, so his reaction isn't genuine, and he's not actually upset. But Jeremy also knows that while Rich likes to joke about his height sometimes in self expression, it _is_ still a sore subject for him. He's not about to make this fun moment supremely awkward by apologizing, but if he slides his own lunch tray's jello cup over to Rich as a peace offering, then who's to blame him?

Rich picks his head up off the table and lightly bumps Jeremy in thanks. The smile on Rich's face is wonderful, and fully worth the sacrificed food. Jeremy watches Rich's joy from the corner of his eye, and files it away into his happy memories. Getting to see Rich smile like that might even be worth the horrible terror he's going to put himself through, later that day.

* * *

Jeremy has never been so goddamn terrified in his life. They're halfway through the maze (are they though? It feels like it's been hours, when did Jeremy get in here? How much more is left?) And Jeremy is sure that the actors are all in some big fucking groupchat or something, telling each other all about the "group of teenagers with one super scared wimpy kid in a blue sweatshirt, can't miss him, he's the one screaming loud as fuck, super easy to scare, make sure you target HIM specifically" because call him biased, but he feels targeted. Sure, the rest of the group is getting scared too, he's not alone in his screams of terror, but did that one guy who pops out of the biohazard closet spend an extra 5 seconds screaming at Brooke? No, it was at JEREMY.

Funnily enough, all of those short jokes at Rich have been damned and tossed out the window, because the only comfort Jeremy has in this hell hole of a Halloween attraction is the fact that he can bury his face in Rich and hold onto him the entire time. Size-wise, Michael would be the better option, but Jeremy knows Michael can and will A) point Jeremy out to any actors he sees, and B) shove him into any obvious scare triggers he notices. Michael is a traitorous bastard who loves horror too much to actually get scared by it, and he loves how terrified Jeremy gets. At least _he's_ having a good time in here; Jeremy can hear him complimenting the props and actors. So, Jeremy has chosen Rich as his tree to cling to, and Rich seems fine with it. Rich seems to be having a good time too. He definitely gets scared by a lot of shit, and occasionally grabs back at Jeremy when he gets scared, but he smiles and laughs afterward, pumped up by the adrenaline rush. Jeremy thinks if _his_ body makes any more adrenaline, he'll die of an overdose.

Jeremy currently has Rich's arms in a death grip and his face shoved into the back of Rich's hoodie, looking like he’s trying to meld himself into his back. In any other context, this whole hugging from behind thing would be extremely awkward, but Jeremy is too afraid to have any thoughts like that, and Rich is having too much fun to. Jeremy also knows for a fact he's not the only person to end up in this hugging position while getting scared, he's seen the photos online. They're his only solace here.

The three people in the front are Michael, Chloe, and Christine, and it seems Chrstine accidentally steps on a trigger mat that causes a strobing light to turn on, and a huge swinging animatronic to start moving, while blasting yells and screams of the damned. At the same time, an actor comes out _right behind_ Jeremy and screams and bangs on the wall, lunging and grabbing at the group. Jeremy will commend these guys' makeup crew once he's in a better frame of mind, because this actor looks positively dead and decaying. As it is, all he has in his brain is pure fear, and he adds his own screaming to the hellish mixture. He practically picks Rich up as he tries to drag him away from that room, almost tripping, but he ends up stepping on a different trigger mat on the far end of the room and making a whole other machine whir to life to scare the godforsaken shit out of him. It scares Rich too, and the two cling to each other and scramble to move on, the rest of their group doing the same.

And that's basically how the entire haunt goes. He never wants to do that again, but Jeremy is at least glad his friends had fun, and getting to hug Rich the entire time is a good bonus. As they exit, actually, Jeremy still doesn't let go, he's not 100% spooning him anymore, but he's still shaking and his brain is still recovering, so sending 'let go' signals to his hands isn't exactly on the priority list. Everyone is laughing and excitedly talking about their favorite parts or the scariest parts, and it helps ease Jeremy's remaining fear. He manages to laugh along too, and recall and joke about the different scares alongside everyone else. Jokes and jabs are thrown his way, and he throws them back, and he still keeps his resolution to never go in a haunted house again, but he's beginning to appreciate the experience the more he gets to joke around with his friends. He always figured it was just because of the hivemind but maybe Chloe was onto something when she admitted to feeling a lot closer to everyone after the whole squip ordeal, because by all means, Jeremy hated getting scared like that, but because he was with all of his friends during it, he feels great recalling it with them now. It was like a bonding experience. A really scary, awful, bonding experience. 

"Are you two like, okay, or…?" Jenna asks as they reach the parking lot, and Jeremy confusedly resurfaces from his thoughts. Two? Okay? Oh! He's still clinging to Rich like, _a lot_ oops fuck shit- Jeremy quickly untangles their limbs, and it seems Rich had the same impulse. They both yank their hands back to themselves and yell, "Sorry!" simultaneously, which makes the group pause for a brief moment before laughing uproariously. Jeremy chuckles, embarrassed, and brings a hand to his neck in a sheepish gesture. In his peripheral vision, Rich seems to be reacting similarly. 

"Alright, alright, it's still only, like, 6, do we wanna hang and watch movies or call it a night?" Jake asks.

"Actually!" Brooke pipes up. "I'm like, starving? Does anyone want to go to a restaurant or something? I can pay for anyone if they need, I just really want to eat."

"Oh god me too, yes please," Chloe agrees.

"Yeah, I can do food," Rich tacks on.

Everyone seems to be hungry and they all happily latch onto the idea of eating. Even Jeremy is starting to feel his stomach rumble in a good way, and soon enough, everyone agrees to meet up at the nearest restaurant.

* * *

They all wanted to go to a restaurant closer to home, since the haunt was a bit far and required some travel time to get there and back, so there's time in the car to listen to music and chill. Rich had picked up Jeremy and Michael to carpool, and Jeremy had gotten shotgun on the way there, so Michael claimed it for the ride to the restaurant, leaving Jeremy alone in the back. It's alright back there though, the music is soft, and listening to Rich and Michael- arguably two of his favorite people on the planet (wow, _Rich_ is on that list now)- happily talk to each other about _whatever_ it is they're talking about, is nice. It's dark out, and the lights on the highway paint the truck interior with soothing shapes and shadows. Jeremy leans his head against his seatbelt and feels good. He feels really good.

* * *

Rich isn't afraid of speeding like Brooke is, so they make it to the restaurant just before the others. The three of them gloat to them when they arrive, and jeers are had all around as they enter the restaurant in high spirits. It's nights like these that Jeremy cherishes. It's nights like these he never thought he'd get to have.

They all crowd into one round booth and Jeremy gets squished between Michael and Rich which honestly is just the most ideal place to be. The rowdy conversation barely takes a pause when the waiter asks for drink orders, and Jeremy would be sure every other patron is currently hating them, if not for the two other groups of rowdy _adults_ he sees, so really, some loud teens is nothing to worry about. It's Halloween night, they could be doing drugs or something, being rambunctious at a restaurant is the least of anyone's worries.

After orders are taken, Christine has the wonderful idea of asking for a few of those children's activity coloring papers. By the looks on Chloe's, Jake's, and Brooke's faces, it's lucky Christine is here otherwise no one would have done such a 'weird, childish' thing. And they wouldn't have gotten themselves into the most intense game of pictionary ever played. It's currently Jeremy's turn to draw "Call of Duty" for Michael. Jeremy only ever associates CoD with Rich, and he doesn't really consider himself an artist. 

"Jeremy what the FUCK is that!?" Michael laughs out. The rest of the table is laughing too. Jeremy facepalms for the 4th time that round. So far he's drawn a very crude video game case, but soon realized he's not allowed to write the title of the game, so he switched to poorly drawing a military looking guy with a gun and a stern face, but that wasn't specific enough, as Michael simply started to guess things like man, and army. He then went on to scribble his best approximation of an actual XBox but judging by Michael's recent exclamation, he's not doing well. Jeremy is reaching his breaking point and the time limit. He groans a bit in frustration. What else can Jeremy draw? It's too late to draw out the words literally. How is Michael supposed to know about CoD? The only reason he knows what it is is because of the old memes about it when it became popular, and then whatever Jeremy has told him about his and Rich's hangouts.

Ah dammit Jeremy guesses that's all he has left to try.

Already shamed and jeered for his drawing skills (not like anyone else can do much better,) Jeremy bites the bullet and tries to draw himself and Rich. What comes out is two not-quite-stick-figures, his wearing what he's wearing right now, with glasses, and Rich's with details that he thinks are very clearly Rich, namely a flannel shirt, and a patch of discolored hair. Michael is a little baffled by the sudden caricatures. 

"You…? Is that you?"

Jeremy draws a check mark.

"And that's… wait is that- oh my gosh is that Rich?"

Jeremy draws another check mark.

"What do you and Rich have to do with this!? Oh my gosh!" Michael is exasperated again, and honestly so is Jeremy. With surely only a few seconds left on Christine's phone timer, he goes in to edit the figures to be holding hands and then holding absolutely unidentifiable video game controllers in their other hands, trying to signal 'something Rich and I play when we hang out!'

It's lost on Michael as he descends into frustrated giggles, and then into full on laughter. Maybe Jeremy shouldn't have drawn them holding hands, but he didn't know how else to display the whole 'hanging out together' thing in explicit terms! Jeremy glares at Michael and the timer goes off. Jeremy throws his pen.

"IT WAS CALL OF DUTY, ASSHOLE!"

Michael just howls more, and the rest of the table is laughing too. Michael grabs at the paper, still a bit hysterical, and looks at the drawing again.

"J-Jeremy-y-y-y," Michael wheezes out, "loo-wha- look at this! Look at you two! Why are you holding h-hands???" And then Michael is gone again. Jeremy snatches the paper back, face heating up a bit. Rich is on his other side though, and leans over to look at the drawing properly now before Jeremy can steal it away.

"Awww! Is that really us? Is that me? We are holding hands!" Rich steals the paper out from under Jeremy and shows the rest of the group. "They're so cute!"

The groups aww's and laughs at the drawing, and Jeremy's face heats up more. Maybe he _really_ shouldn't have drawn him and Rich holding hands. In hindsight that's a pretty stupid move.

Their food arriving interrupts though, and soon all drawing implements are shoved off the table to make room for the important shit. The teasing mostly stops, save for a few coos here, and a couple of "you should have just drawn-"'s there. The food is good, and Jeremy has time to let his embarrassment go. There's not too much conversation while they eat, as they've all worked up quite the appetite, and eating takes priority over talking. There are a few jabs here and there, it is a tight fit in the booth, so elbows are often in the way and nudged aside. Overall, it's a pretty decent meal, and soon, everyone has finished and is ready to head out. It's only about 8, but Chloe is ready to go home and Christine wants to as well to see if there will be any late night trick or treaters on her street. Brooke also admits to kind of wanting to return home, so with collective agreement, everyone acknowledges this is the end of their night, early as it may be. They all manage to pay, and leave a very generous tip, and then they're out.

They all wave and hug goodbye in the parking lot, and soon Jeremy is back in Rich's truck. He snagged the front seat this time though, and Michael fake-dejectedly climbs in the back. The soft music is turned on again, and that same quiet atmosphere from before washes over Jeremy and soothes his bones from the inside out. He sinks into his seat and smiles to himself.

"What're you so smiley about?" Rich asks a smile of his own beginning to stretch across his face. Jeremy smiles more.

"I had fun tonight, even if I'm kind of scarred for life and can't get the horrifying images of the haunted house out of my head." Jeremy is joking, mostly, he actually is usually only scared during the bad part; he doesn't usually stay scared for very long after.

Rich chuckles softly. "Mood. You'll be alright."

Jeremy laughs and lets himself relax for the rest of the ride. They drop Michael off first, waving goodbye and watching him greet his moms as he enters his house. It's a cute scene.

Then, soon enough, Rich pulls into Jeremy's driveway, and idles. It's quiet for a moment, with the music turned down and no words being spoken. It would be nice, but Jeremy feels something itch at him. It's 8:26 on a school night; arguably a very reasonable time to return home, but Jeremy's curfew is at 10 and regardless, he had a lot of fun earlier and he really just doesn't want to give the night up yet. He doesn't want it to end, it feels too early. He doesn't want to leave Rich yet. He feels the offer climb up his throat from his lungs, a dumb request, an allowance that Jeremy's dad has only ever made for Michael in the past, so he's not even sure if he'll be allowed now. But still, he is compelled to ask.

"Do you… wanna maybe stay over?"

Rich seems just a bit surprised at the offer. "I mean… always bro, but we have school tomorrow?"

Jeremy nods, "Yeah, yeah we do uh, but like, I've had Michael over. On a school night, I mean. And it's been… fine? It was okay."

Rich chews his lip a bit and Jeremy immediately remembers the differences between Michael and Rich.

"Ah, although I guess Michael lives way closer, huh? And you don't have your school stuff or any clothes at my house, god I'm stupid, that was a stupid question, don't worry about it, forget I asked, obviously that would be weird and inconvenient to have to go get your stuff and then come back here-"

"Jeremy."

Jeremy shuts up.

"Jeremy I really want to stay over, actually," Rich says, a cute hopeful look on his face. Jeremy is taken off guard by it and is utterly charmed in an instant. 

"I- uh- y-wh-ye-uhhh…."

Rich giggles at Jeremy's stammers and instead of shame, he feels butterflies float up into his stomach.

"Will your dad be alright with it?"

"I- I dunno! I have to ask him, uh, I can go do that! Right now!" Jeremy jumps and hastily unbuckles himself, all but flinging himself out the door and into his home.

His dad is watching TV, picking through the almost empty bowl of candy by his side. At Jeremy's very loud entrance, he startles and whips around, relieved to find his son, and not some weirdly bold trick or treater.

"You're back earlier than I thought you'd be?"

"Yeah, uh real quick, can Rich stay over tonight? He'll get all his stuff for tomorrow and we'll go to school like normal, we just wanna, like, hang out, still. I guess. Please." That was a pretty awkward delivery, but it's his dad, he ought to be used to it.

After a moment for his dad to process and think, he replies, reluctantly, "I... suppose that's fine. As long as you promise you'll go to sleep at a decent hour and won't be noisy, yeah? You have school, and I have work."

Jeremy almost vibrates with gratitude. "Yes! Yeah! I mean, great! Thanks, dad!"

He runs out the door and whips around to the driver's side to tell Rich the plans are a go. Jeremy wants to clean his room a bit of the clothing tornado he sent through it earlier (so he couldn't decide what to wear, sue him) so he tells Rich he'll stay home to get stuff ready. Rich accepts this plan and drives off into the night.

Jeremy re-enters the house less enthusiastic this time so as not to scare his dad again, and because he knows he has plenty of time. Rich isn't super far, but he certainly doesn't live _close._ It's really ridiculous that he's staying over considering all of the inconveniences stacked against them right now, but Jeremy supposes they must be on the same page with not wanting the night to end yet. Jeremy knows he has extra feelings about being around Rich, but Jeremy thinks Rich must just be having a great time if he's willing to drive to his house and back to stay over. It's kind of heartwarming that Rich likes being around Jeremy as much as he does Rich.

He smiles a little to himself as he reaches his room and starts piling clothes back into drawers. It's kind of sloppy work but he really doesn't care. Once the floor is substantially cleared he starts looking around for the air mattress he knows they have. He's not about to make Rich sleep on the floor, and sleeping downstairs on the couch completely defeats the purpose of him staying over. And he's not even going to think about the other options because they are NOT options.

The air mattress is in the linen closet luckily, and the machine to blow it up is right next to it. It's a twin size, so when Jeremy got a new double bed (years ago) they elected to use his old sheets for the air mattress, which are all neatly stored on a shelf above it.

Jeremy examines the sheets, before picking the ones at the bottom. They're clean, but silly, patterned with Mario related iconography. Jeremy smiles at them. He’s had them since forever, but they’ve been deliberately shoved under the rest of the sheets, unused, because he was worried about them being lame. He feels extra giddy that he's comfortable making Rich use them, and is totally unafraid of judgement from him. He really is on par with Michael now, huh? When did they get that close? He decides to not think about all of the times they "got closer" (since most have been very… physical,) and texts Rich to bring his own pillow, since they don't seem to have any extras.

Once the mattress is set up, his floor is relatively clean, and he's checked to see if his games are all set in case they want to play any, he changes into pajamas and makes his way downstairs. He sits on the couch with his dad and watches whatever he has on. His dad offers him a KitKat. Jeremy happily takes it.

Jeremy's feelings for his friend are still going very strong, but he's hoping they start to fade soon. They seem to have settled, but he still feels such a strong pull to Rich all the time. During class, he often checks on how Rich is doing or what he's doing, during rehearsal he's always watching Rich whenever he can, in his free time, his brain always meanders its way into a soft Rich Memories Movie. Even when he hangs out with Michael he's thinking about Rich. And instead of finding the repetition annoying, Jeremy just happily drowns in it. Rich is such a wonderful subject, he never gets tired of thinking of him or seeing him. He feels like he can never get enough. The feeling is filling, and warm, but it also scares him with how strong and committed it is, which is why he wants the feelings to fade, at least a little… That's false, most of the reason why he wants to get rid of the feelings is because he thinks he has no shot, no chance with him. These feelings started when Rich admitted to having feelings for Jeremy in the past, but that's just it. They're in the past. It was just a dumb little crush that happened before Rich's life was changed forever, and before Rich and Jeremy developed their bad history, those feelings are surely long gone.

It’s depressing to think that way. It brings him down, low, low into a slow spinning whirlpool that drags him down from the high that comes with liking Rich. But it's realistic. He may get dragged down, but only back down to earth, where he exists, and real life is happening. The fact is, Rich can’t feel that way about him, and it's sad, but it's fine. It's fine because what Jeremy has is already beyond what he ever thought possible. Rich is a new best friend. No one could ever take Michael's place, of course, but Jeremy never could have imagined a day when someone else would stand on equal ground with him, let alone _Rich_ of all people. It feels incredible, being with Rich feels _incredible_ even if it's just as friends. He may never get to kiss him, or tell him just how much he means to him, but god, being able to spend each day with him is a blessing Jeremy wouldn't trade for the world.

His warm, tender feelings only intensify when he hears that telltale rumble of an old beat up truck pull into his driveway. He tries not to smile too wide as he gets up and opens the door before Rich can even knock, backpack slung over his shoulder, overnight bag and pillow tucked under his arm, pajamas already on. Rich smiles and Jeremy can't hold back his wide grin any longer at the sight of it. He ducks his head to try to hide a bit and motions for Rich to enter, which he does, immediately kicking off his shoes.

After a quick goodnight to Jeremy's dad, the two race upstairs and Rich drops all of his shit onto the floor, which makes Jeremy laugh and direct him toward the air mattress he could have dumped his shit on instead. 

"Aww, you got out the air mattress for me? How hospitable, above and beyond, 5 star luxury at the Heere Household."

Jeremy knows Rich isn't even being that sarcastic, he's always 'surprised' and grateful to not have to sleep on the floor, but Jeremy rolls his eyes anyway. "You've used this air mattress every time you've stayed over in the past, dude."

"Still, how incredibly selfless and kind this family is to give me bedding and shelter in these cold winter months-"

Now he's just being a cheese. Jeremy shoves him and Rich laughs, moving his stuff to the air mattress. Jeremy picks up two controllers for his gamecube and hops onto the end of his bed.

"You wanna play roulette and just go with whatever I left in here last?" Jeremy asks.

Rich hops onto the bed as well and takes a controller from Jeremy. "That's not roulette, but yeah okay," Rich teases.

It turns out to be Bomberman, arguably a very cute, very g-rated game, (you know, except for the explosives,) but despite the cute look signaling a casual light hearted fun time, Rich and Jeremy manage to make it the most competitive, disastrous game in history. Honor is swept right out the window in favor of insulting each other, gloating, and literally kicking and jabbing elbows at each other. They yell, and kick shit, and really, they promise they're having fun despite the fact that it sounds very opposite.

Rich is getting destroyed, courtesy of him not having played before, so when Mr. Heere knocks on the door to tell them he's going to bed and to please keep it down, Rich has no qualms with quitting. Jeremy is mostly just surprised at how late it already is, they only played one game, but it seems they were playing it for quite a while. Jeremy retires the video games in favor of a movie, which Rich happily agrees with.

It's cold in his room, so Jeremy gets under his covers as he let's Rich pick a movie to watch. His TV is only hooked up to gaming systems and a single DVD player he found cheap at a shop, so they're limited to Jeremy's purchases and movie taste. Unfortunately, Jeremy is a serial romantic, so Rich very triumphantly pulls Titanic from the DVD stack and pops that in, not even asking for Jeremy's opinion. Michael always likes to make fun of him for his romantic leanings, so Jeremy supposes he doesn't mind having a friend lean back into them for once. Rich kicks the air mattress over beside Jeremy's bed more, and then shimmies into his own blankets. Blankets is a strong word though, it's just the top sheet and a spare quilt Jeremy found in the closet, not exactly the warmest combo, and he's pretty sure the heat in their house isn't even on tonight (a cost saving measure Jeremy's dad unfortunately takes,) so Jeremy is a little concerned.

"Are you gonna be warm enough?"

"Dude no worries you know I'm a human heater."

"If you're sure…"

"Mario will protect me."

Jeremy giggles at that and chooses to let it go. Rich _is_ a human heater, maybe he will be alright. Usually Rich and Jeremy watch movies in Jeremy's bed together, but it is getting late, so it seems Rich plans to fall asleep during the movie, hence his defaulting to the air mattress. Jeremy thinks that's not too bad of an idea, and as the movie plays on, he allows himself to relax and get cozy, and eventually, after maybe an hour, he drifts off into sleep, content, and calm.

* * *

Rich was a fool to underestimate the Heere household's lack of heat. The movie has long since ended, it's about 2 in the morning and he's woken up shivering. He's no stranger to waking up cold, but that's at his house- he's at a bit of a loss on what to do here. The sheet and single quilt are not gonna cut it, and he has no idea where he can get more blankets, so the only thing he can think to do is wake up Jeremy. It's a bit daunting, considering the quiet, peaceful atmosphere, and the fact that he doesn't know how Jeremy will react to being woken up in the middle of the night. He's not _afraid_ of Jeremy but still... He's not usually cranky in the morning… right? So waking him up should be… fine.

Rich stands at the side of Jeremy's bed, still freezing fucking cold, and hesitates for a very, _very_ long second, but eventually he does reach out and gently shake Jeremy's shoulder. When nothing happens, he shakes just a fraction more. Jeremy's nose scrunches up and he makes a little noise _(cute cute cute cute cute-)_ barely fluttering his eyes open at all, and about to go back to sleep.

"Jeremy!" Rich loudly whispers. "You were right, I should have gotten more blankets, wake up!"

Jeremy makes another noise, more of a "bwuh?" this time, and he lifts his face from where it was squished into his pillow, and squints up at Rich, eyes pretty much still closed, as far as Rich can see.

"I'm cold." Rich just stands there, arms wrapped around himself, ready to shiver a hole in the ground.

Jeremy looks up at him for a long moment, processing, before he flops his face back onto his pillow. Before Rich can think he's gone back to sleep though, he shimmies over to one side of his bed and lifts the covers. He then promptly drops his arm and stills.

Rich blanches. "Jeremy! _Jeremy!_ No, I, you don't- that's not what I- _god, not again."_

Jeremy doesn't stir. He's fallen right back asleep.

So here's the thing about Rich's _hella_ feelings for Jeremy. They’re present, they're strong, and they are _constantly testing his self control_ because SOMEONE doesn't know how to act like a normal human being and is constantly putting Rich in these beautiful, awful situations where he needs to pick up his strongest poker face, lest he reveal his extremely romantic feelings and never get to talk to Jeremy again. They've gotten closer recently, _a lot closer,_ and Rich isn't sure how him telling Jeremy he used to like him (that 'used to' was practically a lie, he barely stopped liking him even during the squip- that’s a whole can of worms he wants to keep closed though-) got them to this point but he finds it hard to have regrets. This whole bed sharing thing Jeremy has initiated TWICE though? Is going to take a fucking toll on him soon, because _god_ does Rich never want to pass up the opportunity to be as close to Jeremy as he possibly can be, but also he would never, ever want to take advantage of him. And finding the balance has never been so goddamn hard as it is when your crush very clearly does not and cannot like you back, (who would ever fall for their former bully?) but still likes you _enough_ to be fine with sharing a bed with you??? Rich thinks he might die from thinking so much at 2 am.

Jeremy did offer though. He was like, half asleep, and the last time he offered he was drunk, so Rich doesn't feel great about the chances Jeremy means it, but still, to offer it _twice?_ Rich always figured he wasn't one for abundant physicality but now he's thinking Jeremy might just be too shy normally. Would there really be any harm in taking the offer? Rich has no weird motives, and he is freezing his ass off…

With a deep breath (of cold cold FUCKING COLD air) he bites the bullet and climbs under the covers with Jeremy. It's a double bed, so it's not like they're _forced_ to touch, but Rich… well he's already this far, and the reason he's this far is because he's freezing, what's the harm in lying close to Jeremy? Sure he cuddles in his sleep, and that last time was absolutely terrifying, but Jeremy seemed okay back then right? And it's 2 am, how much damage could he do in the few hours he has before school? It'll be fine and _damn_ is Jeremy warm right now. His racing heart slows and his eyelids grow heavy again now that he's not so cold, and within minutes, _minutes,_ Rich drifts back under into the now pleasant clutches of sleep. He can worry about feelings and shit tomorrow, just like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanukkah starts tomorrow! Hope yall have a good holiday! :D See you in 2020!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOPS ITS FEBRUARY lol

Jeremy's school alarm is something he is very familiar with. Or rather, school _alarms,_ seeing as he needs to set multiple at different times to make sure he actually gets up early enough. He's feeling slightly more well rested than normal which he almost thinks should be cause for concern, but he's too comfortable to notice. He hasn't even opened his eyes yet, his alarm routine ingrained in his bones so deep it's second nature by now. He's very warm and comfortable, in fact, except for this weird weight on his left. Weird, but not like, _crushing,_ just there. Present. Actually it's almost… familiar? Waking up with weight on him… weight on him… around him? As much as he may want one, he doesn't have a weighted blanket… or a cat... hmmm then why has he felt this before…

_Rich._

Oh God.

Jeremy's eyes snap open to darkness, but his suddenly sharp senses do not deceive him. Rich is absolutely sleeping on his chest, cuddled into his side. _Again._

_Again!?_

_That wasn't a dream?_ Jeremy kind of remembers waking up and offering a side of the bed to Rich, but he-! He didn't- he wouldn't-! Augh, curse his fucking sleep addled brain! How could he let this happen again? How could he _make_ this happen again? How could… Rich let this happen again… huh. If Jeremy remembers right, Rich was the one to wake him up and… hmm well he accepted Jeremy's offer didn't he? He could have just stolen the blankets right off of Jeremy, that would have at least woken him up right? Rich wouldn't hold punches like that out of courtesy or anything, so he supposes Rich must have been fine with this option. Somehow, that gets Jeremy to relax.

Yeah, the first time, a little freakout was warranted, but a second time? That can't just be uncomfortable coincidence, there's no way Rich of all people would let something like that happen again if he wasn't okay with it. They've gotten _very_ close recently, and Rich likes physical affection. It's not hard to believe he would like cuddling with his friends when he's absolutely done it before. Jeremy kind of feels like these revelations should be let downs or something, but mostly he's just happy to have probably not overstepped again? Hopefully. Probably!

Jeremy's second alarm goes off, a louder and more abrupt one than the soothing guitar of his first alarm. Jeremy is already awake for once, so he carefully sits up, minding Rich, and turns it off, grabbing his glasses from his nightstand and slipping them on after rubbing the sleep from his eyes. There's the faintest hint of light peeking through his curtains, but he doesn't have the energy to get up yet. It seems the alarm and moving woke Rich up too, which is just as well, he needs to go to school too.

He rolls over onto his back and grumbles a bit, covering his eyes with his arms, and then dragging them down to messily run his hands over them. Jeremy watches him and thinks he may never tire of seeing sleepy Rich. His hair is messy, and amongst pillows and blankets he looks so cozy. Jeremy kind of wants to say fuck school and just throw himself down onto Rich and cuddle him for the rest of the day, and maybe make out a little too here and there. He can't do that for many obvious reasons, but also because he promised his dad they wouldn't skip.

"Morning," he greets. His throat feels groggy when he says it, so he clears it immediately after.

Rich slowly uncovers his eyes and looks up at Jeremy. He looks… grumpy. "Is it?"

Jeremy laughs and pokes Rich's arm that now covers his mouth, and Rich retaliates by poking Jeremy's side and Jeremy makes a noise and pokes Rich's stomach, and they both laugh. They both laugh and feel good and something about this morning is different from all of the other strange moments they've had. It feels almost like they've maybe… settled into something. Instead of pressing into new territory and worrying about it maybe they can just. Enjoy this. Not worry about what it could mean or how it could be taken. Maybe they can just do some things they want to do and the world will not in fact end. A wild concept, really. Jeremy feels comforted by this possible truth, but something sticks in his chest, like a stone weighing him down. It's nice to not have to worry about romantic implications and just do things platonically, but he finds the thought is also somewhat... disappointing.

Jeremy mentally shakes himself from that thought.

He finally gets up and shivers a bit when his feet touch the very cold floor. Sheesh, he doesn't blame Rich for wanting to sleep on a real bed, it's fucking COLD. He's going to have to beg his dad to turn the heat on. Now that it's finally November maybe he'll consider it.

Jeremy peeks out of his curtains at the faint morning light. There's no frost yet, but it definitely looks like a cold morning out there despite the cloudless sunrise. He backs away from the window, letting the curtains stay open a bit, but not committing to actually opening them all the way. They do still have to change.

Jeremy flips a light on and Rich lets out a little 'ugh' in response from where he's still just sitting under Jeremy's covers. Seems someone isn't having it this morning. It's terribly cute. Jeremy laughs just a bit to himself and busies himself with picking out clothes. His weather app says it's going to be fairly cold, so he goes for one of his warmer sweaters over a plain long sleeve. (Most of his graphic shirts are short-sleeved, unfortunately, so plain it is.) Rich blearily watches him putter about, eventually gathering enough strength to begin his own morning routine. He doesn't dilly dally as much seeing as he only has one outfit choice and all of his school stuff is already organized into his bag so they're ready to exit at about the same time, both feeling more awake.

Jeremy is usually, to be blunt, kind of depressed in the mornings. He gets to do a 180 once he reaches school and sees his friends, but still, he never really… smiles in the morning. But with Rich right here it's like he skipped to the 180 part, he feels kind of great? Still groggy and upset to be awake so early, but seeing Rich first thing in the morning is really nice, it seems, so nice actually. He could _really_ get used to waking up next to Rich.

That's incredibly gay and romantic and just a little too much commitment to let Jeremy get away with thinking that without getting flustered about it, so get flustered he does. He rubs his reddening cheeks to try to hide the blush. What are they, _married?_ Good god they're in high school, slow the fuck down brain. Jeremy has to shake himself for the second time that morning to get the thoughts out of his head.

They have toaster waffles for breakfast, courtesy of Jeremy waking them up just a bit earlier than usual, so they actually have time to eat without making themselves sick, and aren't rushing out the door. It's pleasant, eating with Rich, and it's pleasant to not be so rushed either. He told himself not to think weird thoughts but seriously, having Rich here is great for his morning psyche. And it looks like Rich is happy too. He may have been grumpy when he woke up but he's even more cheerful than Jeremy now. Jeremy's dad notices their early readiness and cheery dispositions and comments on it, but Jeremy doesn't have anything to respond with so he just bashfully laughs a little in an 'oh you know' kind of way even though his dad most certainly does not know. He doesn't ask further though, so it's fine. 

Rich drives them to school. The rest of the morning, the whole day even, goes very normally. Jeremy absolutely didn't do his homework last night so he guesses he'll just have to do it over the weekend and get a late grade. It's better than a 0. And it's certainly not enough to get him down. It's Friday, there's pizza for lunch, and he's just in a great mood, literally the only thing he's not happy about is Rich going home at the end of the day instead of back to his house.

So he thinks.

There's no rehearsal in the afternoon so Jeremy meets up with Rich to go right home. He left his overnight stuff at Jeremy's house so it's not even too out of the way to give him a ride back today since he needs to go there anyway, not that Rich ever minds giving Jeremy rides. The trip is quiet, save for the rock Jeremy puts on from his "songs I think Rich likes" playlist. Rich is nodding his head along and mouthing the words, and Jeremy is very quietly proud of himself. He really is sad Rich has to go home, he wants to hang out with him more. Somehow, watching a movie together and literally sharing a bed didn't cut it for him. He pauses. Rich... doesn't actually _have_ to go home, does he? Like it seems excessive, and Jeremy wouldn't blame Rich if he just wanted to grab his stuff and go but there's no actual rush, no physical reason he couldn't stay over again… surely there's no harm in at least… making the facts known?

"Rich?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you…? I mean… uh, so, you can totally just like, get your things and leave, that'd be fine and like, totally understandable, but uh, if you want, you can like... you could stay over? Again? If you want?" Jeremy, master of eloquence. 

Rich is quiet for a moment, and Jeremy looks up from where he devolved into fiddling with his thumbs. Rich gives him a quick incredulous look. It worries Jeremy until Rich speaks, laughter coating his words, along with a hint of fear. "Dude are you like… psychic?"

"What?"

He laughs normally now, "I was literally just thinking about wanting to stay over your place again but I didn't want to ask because I thought I would sound intrusive or… weird or something."

Ohhh, it was joking fear. And oh wow! Rich! Wants to stay over! Genuinely! Oh thank god they're actually on the same page and Rich doesn't think Jeremy is just some thirsty ho, wow.

"It's not intrusive! I dunno, I guess I just wanna hang more?" Jeremy shrugs a bit awkwardly. 

Rich grins deviously at him, "Just can't get enough of me, huh?"

Jeremy makes a bunch of noises, none of them denials, but he's hoping none of them are confirmations either. He was caught off guard, so he just laughs along with Rich and tries not to think about how true the statement is.

They get home, raid the kitchen for snacks, and race upstairs. The house is empty for now, with his dad still at work today, so Jeremy will have to wait to inform him Rich is staying over again. It's a Friday so Jeremy knows his dad won't care this time but he still wants to let him know. For now, and through the rest of the evening though, it's Bro Time.

For the most part, it's a very fun, very _normal_ hangout between two friends, one of whom definitely does not have secret feelings for the other. Normal bro hangouts! They're certainly a little rowdy, and Rich is certainly a little physical today, but it's all casual and fun. Jeremy can overthink Rich bumping his head against him or his hand on his thigh all he wants, it's still just. All normal stuff. Even if Jeremy kind of wishes it wasn't. 

It's when 3 am hits though that things take a turn. They're both sufficiently tired and wired, that loopy energy 3 am brings with it. Everything is funny, and any person in your vicinity is your best friend no matter who it is. It's also time to pass out. In all of the fun they had playing games and watching movies and looking at memes, Jeremy forgot to get more blankets for Rich tonight.

"Fuck I forgot to find more blankets for you dude," Jeremy says.

"What?" Rich slips on his pajama bottoms and looks down at the air mattress, "oh damn."

"I can go look for more in the closet in the hall-" Jeremy turns to leave but is cut off and halted by Rich grabbing his hand. Jeremy once again feels heat travel to his face at the contact. "What?" Rich looks… nervous.

"Uh- you don't have to- I mean we could like- if you're okay with it we could just… share… again…"

It takes Jeremy a moment to process, but when he does, his face flushes so quickly he's sure steam could come out of his ears. He stutters incomprehensibly for a moment, "wh- th- you… the- but- I- th- b-b-bed!?"

Rich nods bashfully and slowly lets go of Jeremy's wrist. Jeremy continues to stammer out nothing and Rich quickly grows more nervous.

He snaps his gaze back up to Jeremy, looking upset. "Is it weird? Was that weird? If it's weird you can say no! I just figured cuz of last night it wouldn't be- I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

Jeremy waves his arms frantically, making noises, and Rich cuts himself off, watching him, more surprised at Jeremy's gestures than anything now. Jeremy tries to articulate. "It's! It's fine! Not weird! We can share! Bed!" Well, it's primitive, but better than the stammers. Rich seems to glean the message. His face shifts into one if adorable, eager hope.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" Jeremy whisper-shouts, and immediately turns to crawl into his bed as quickly as possible. He's never been more nervous in his life, his goddamn crush just offered to share a bed with him and he accepted, he might die.

Rich gets under the covers at a more normal pace than Jeremy. The two face away from each other. Once the rustling and shifting stops Jeremy realizes he didnt turn off the light, so he jumps out of bed and practically runs to turn it off. He hits his toe on the bed frame in his rush to get back.

"Are you okay?" Rich asks.

"Yup!" Jeremy doesn't even spare his injured toe a glance as he rushes back under his covers, still facing away from Rich. Purposefully facing toward him just feels too intimate. Too _purposeful._ This whole thing is too purposeful! They've slept like this twice now but somehow this time feels so different. Because Jeremy is fully himself, fully aware and present, and also this time is intentional. There's nothing wishy washy or unsure about it, Rich asked and Jeremy said yes, that's about as purposeful as it gets. There's nothing to hide behind, no excuse, it seems they both clearly just want to sleep together.

Share a bed! Sleep _next to_ each other, god Jeremy's own brain will be the death of him if he thinks like that, they're just two guys, hanging out, going to sleep, it's all normal, and fine, and platonic. They're both fine with this. They both _want_ this.

That thought sends tingles ringing through Jeremy's brain. 

He eventually relaxes, and finally starts to drift off. Before he does though, very quietly, he hears Rich whisper, "Goodnight, Jeremy."

Jeremy responds with an equally soft, "Goodnight, Rich.

* * *

The month of November is busy for everyone in the drama club. It's time to get off book, since they do their plays unusually early in December, before winter break. Reyes has been putting the pressure on, and while most people aren't too pleased at having the overzealous teacher breathing down their necks, everyone does start picking up the pace and working harder to memorize their shit.

For Christine, this has involved a lot of writing down her lines, for Jenna, it seems reciting them to herself while she does other stuff has been the go-to. For Rich, it's practicing the delivery with his scene partners, and for Jeremy, this has involved a lot of talking to himself in his room. He volunteers many times though, to be Rich's after school scene partner, which in turn has them hanging out- and sleeping over- a lot more often. Jeremy's excuse is that it's just easier if he or Rich doesn't have to drive back home late at night- and since they can stay later, they can get more done! But Jeremy knows they just like hanging out together. What can he say, he genuinely enjoys Rich's company and can never get enough of it.

Which is a good thing because ever since Rich's very bold and incredibly brave _-sober-_ request to share a bed with Jeremy… well they haven't really needed the air mattress have they? Since that night, they've shared beds every time one of them stays over. Which is like, fine, but also it's incredibly intentional and not just for convenience. Rich has a twin, they're cramped in there when they're at Rich's house. But no matter who's house they're at, it's like that previous time broke some kind of barrier and now they won't go back. It's become second nature to just go to sleep in the same bed. They don't even flinch when they wake up wrapped around each other anymore.

Well… Rich doesn't flinch. Jeremy… he has to try very hard to stay normal and not melt into a puddle of lovestruck adoration every time.

And honestly? He loves it but… it's kind of taking its toll on him…

Some mornings, Jeremy wakes up and very seriously contemplates spilling all of his feelings, right then and there. Sometimes he wakes up, arms around Rich, and Rich's arms around him, and he wants to very gently brush his hair back and softly, _softly_ leave a tender kiss on his forehead. And then sometimes he wants to wake Rich up with kisses all over his face and neck. And most of the time he wants to just bury his face in Rich. Snuggle down, forget the world, and go back to sleep, warm, and content in this boy's sleepy embrace, so close he doesn't know where he ends and Rich begins.

Sometimes he does do that last one. Sometimes Jeremy gets bold and instead of pulling away to a respectful distance, he pulls Rich closer, hugs him tighter, and presses his face into Rich's back, or chest, or hair, or wherever he's facing. Hugs Rich around his middle and presses himself against him, relishing the warmth, and the tenderness, and the _love._ Sometimes he does that, and the fact that he's grown that bold is scaring him. The fact that he's so comfortable in the same bed as Rich is _dangerous._ He's going to spill something, he's going to spill, and he's going to mess everything up.

He needs a break to collect himself. He needs to not let himself indulge in his feelings so freely all the time, he can't _trust_ himself. He needs to hang out with people who aren't Rich.

* * *

Not Rich turns out to be Michael. It's good to see him again, they haven't hung out too much with all of the play rehearsal and Rich stuff. As much as he wants to talk about the Rich stuff, that's not why he called up Michael. He genuinely misses him and just wants to stay connected and hang out like they used to. Not have to worry about romantic missteps for once, just be bros and have a nice relaxing time.

They pick a day to hang out and just talk about school and the play and how Michael has been doing. Jeremy listens to Michael ramble about what his WoW friends did earlier that week, and about how he might have a hookup for some extremely obscure soda Jeremy has never actually heard of before. All normal stuff. It's nice to listen to Michael and talk about normal shit for once, Jeremy is sure Michael doesn't want to listen to him talk about Rich every fucking time they hang out. He didn't even do that with Christine, though he supposes he never had that much to talk about with her. They weren't friends and didn't hang out like him and Rich do now. They didn't _share beds_ like him and Rich do now. But after a good hour or two of Michael describing WoW strategies and drama, he's the one to ask about him.

"So I appreciate getting to talk a bunch just now, but you've been quiet about Rich, is something wrong?"

"Wha- no? We're fine, is it a crime to be considerate towards you and _not_ talk about Rich every time we hang?" It sounds accusing, but Jeremy knows that Michael knows it's just friendly banter. Honestly he's surprised Michael _doesn't_ seem annoyed at Jeremy's Rich Rants, if him purposefully prompting one is any indication.

"Come on, Jeremy you know your Rich narrative is like, an ongoing TV series for me, it's one of my main forms of entertainment right now, you gotta keep me updated. Have there really not been _any_ developments between you two? Cuz if not you gotta get on that, gay boy."

Jeremy did _not_ know it was so entertaining for Michael, but he supposes that's better than it being torture for him, right? Jeremy chuckles, "How could you bi erase me like that, my own best friend-" he sinks into his beanbag dramatically, all in good fun. Michael plays along.

"Oh no! How could I have done this! He's disappearing right before my eyes!"

"Ohhhhh noooooo~" Jeremy sinks, and sinks, and then reaches the limit of how far he can sink in the chair and halts his dramatic musings, "okay, I'm gay now. Look what you've done, I'm going to have to return that bi pin Christine gave me. Thanks a lot."

Michael doesn't even have a response, he just breaks down into giggles, and Jeremy happily follows suit. He realizes Michael did ask a question though, and well… he _did_ want to talk about it...

"So uh… developments, you say…"

Michael snaps to attention.

"So there's… uh well so Rich and I have been hanging out a lot, yeah?"

"Yup!" Michael is too invested in this for it to be healthy, but Jeremy carries on.

"So we, uh, he stays over a lot, you know? He lives kind far so it's easier sometimes, and just, I dunno, it's more fun?"

Michael nods sagely.

"So at Halloween, you remember he stayed over at my house, two days in a row right?"

Michael nods again, now resting his chin on his hands.

"Well, okay so I didn't tell you about something that happened on the first night." Jeremy draws in a breath. "We watched a movie to like, fall asleep to, you know? As you do, and everything was fine, he was on the air mattress like normal, but you know how my dad literally only recently started putting the heat on because he wants to save money or whatever by freezing our asses off, so I accidentally didn't give Rich enough blankets, and like he insisted he would be fine cuz he runs hot, which I know he does so I believed him, and we both went to sleep and then like, I barely remember?? Getting woken up in the middle of the night? Rich was cold, I guess but I was half asleep so instead of getting him more blankets like a normal person, I guess I just rolled over and offered to share my bed???" Jeremy punctuates that with a pained look and a shrug.

Michael breaks out into laughter. "You little shit, did you do that at your birthday too!? What is it with you and wanting to sleep with Rich-!"

"Don't say it like that!!!"

Michael just laughs more. "Okay, okay, so you've accidentally shared a bed twice now? Is that it? That's pretty gay and all, but like, we also share a bed sometimes, Jere, it might just be you having mega human instincts. You know humans are supposed to sleep with other people? Like, apes sleep in their family group nests and stuff, sleeping next to other people is like, good for you, you know? What's that look for?"

Jeremy is looking down, nervously picking at his jeans. "Yeah but when you and I share a bed we don't wake up spooning..." he mumbles.

"Oh my God-"

"And it's… it's more than twice… we've... he asked to… again… the second night in a row so that would be… three times, and it's been more than those three times, too, and all of those times after have been… deliberate."

Michael looks at him like he simultaneously can't believe what he's hearing and like he thinks Jeremy is the biggest idiot to ever walk the earth. Jeremy feels like his read probably isn't too far off.

"You share a fucking bed _every_ time he stays over now?"

Jeremy nods.

"And you _cuddle?"_ Michael is once again having simultaneous emotions, sounding both elated and disgusted as he says it.

Jeremy simply whines and nods again.

"And what, neither of you have said _anything?_ You just do it??? Jeremy you're going to kill me-" 

"Argh! I know! It's killing me too, Michael!" Jeremy runs his hands through his hair in exasperation, and Michael stops giggling. "I love how close we are now, and I'd be an idiot if I tired to say I don't like sleeping wi- sleeping next to him, but it's driving me insane!"

"Jere-"

"The closer I get to him, the less tolerant I am of… of just being friends…" Jeremy drops his voice and sadly looks down at his lap. "Honestly, I was fine before, I was happy being friends with Rich and I still am but… I feel like I'm about to hit a breaking point, like I'm gonna get pushed too far and just blurt out everything, and I'm _scared._ I don't want to mess this up, and I definitely don't want it to be an _accident_ if I do."

"Oh, Jere…" Michael pulls Jeremy into a side hug, resting Jeremy's head against his shoulder, rubbing his arm soothingly. 

"I don't know what to do."

"You already know what I think you should do."

Jeremy looks up at him with a questioning face.

"I think you should tell him, dude."

Jeremy sighs, "Michael-"

"No, I know it's scary and everything but you said you feel like you're at a breaking point? And if you're gonna mess it up, you don't want it to be an accident? Then make it not an accident. Make it on purpose at least. If you feel like it's going to happen anyway, then you can at least pretend to be in control and actually, I dunno, like, plan it out? Set a day for yourself? A day where you're going to tell him. A day where you can finally let everything _go."_

Jeremy thinks about that. On one hand, he has all of his previous arguments against that swirling in his head to rebuke Michael, but on the other… promising himself a day to release his feelings kind of takes some pressure off of him. Makes him feel like he's on a track instead of free floating in whatever. Maybe Michael has a point here. A terrifying, awful point.

Jeremy sighs. "Maybe… the play."

"Huh?"

"Maybe I should tell him after the play?"

"Hey! That sounds good! That sounds like a great time to do it, it's not too close or too far away, and if, _IF,_ it goes badly, you won't be jeopardizing your performances!"

Yeah, yeah, it does sound like a good plan. Jeremy thinks about it a bit more, and finds it almost foolproof. Michael is right about the whole not jeopardizing the performance thing, and that makes Jeremy feel a bit better. The only problem he can think of is if the play itself goes badly, that would be a bad time to tell him, but if the play goes bad, Jeremy is going to be too distracted by that anyway to even worry about his feelings for Rich, so yeah, it's all a win win, isn't it? Oh god oh geez this happening.

"Oh god Michael I actually have a plan now."

"Hell yeah!"

"I'm gonna tell him after the play."

"Hell yeah!!!"

"I need a nap."

"Wait what?"

Jeremy gets up out of Michael's embrace and flops down onto his bed. Michael makes noises of protest but neither moves to fight the other. Jeremy knows Michael is just putting on airs, and Michael knows Jeremy is fine. Michael puts on a quiet solo game to play while Jeremy lies there, thinking about his new deadline. It's horribly frightening, and thinking about it makes his stomach swirl, but it's also kind of exhilarating, and exciting. Through his fear and apprehension, he feels a smile tug at the corners of his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might be a long wait for the next chapters too, but thank you all so much for sticking around!!!! <333


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks at the date and the current state of the world* ha ha... ha 😬 fuck.  
welp! *tosses this at you* hope you like it!
> 
> edit: oh yeah forgot to mention, theres like, discussions of richs dads abusive behavior in this chapter, so watch out if youre sensitive to that.

After his mom left, Thanksgiving changed in the Heere Household. It's a recent change that's only just gotten to a point where it doesn't sting anymore. This year, and for more after it, the Mells have offered the idea of having a meal together. It feels like a natural option, seeing as they celebrate Jeremy and Michael's birthdays together, so everyone is very on board with it. After a ton of talk and debate about who should host who, who _wants_ to cook what, and who's actually _going to,_ Thursday arrives, and Jeremy finds himself in a warm kitchen, full of warmer smiles, and a playful, upbeat atmosphere. The Heeres won on the hosting debate, citing a dining room that really needs to be used more often, and a house that feels… too big sometimes. The Mells relented on the condition that they get to help cook.

Jeremy's house has truly never felt fuller. Him and Michael sit at the kitchen table, watching their parents bustle around, throwing jokes and "suggestions" at them until someone, usually Maria, forces them into helping with something in retaliation. It's hilarious, and a lot of fun. They manage to crank out a pretty good looking meal, too, and soon after sitting down to eat, Jeremy discovers it actually tastes good too. Not to insult his dad, but he's mostly sure it's because of Michael's moms.

There's compliments to be had and some light conversation all around. It turns into an adults vs their kids interrogation when Michael's other mom, Kate, starts grilling Michael about when he'll get a boyfriend. It's definitely in good humor, but it's also obviously a common topic of debate for the Mells with how readily Michael groans and goes to rebuke his mothers heinous exclamations. It's funny until Jeremy is dragged into it too.

"Why don't you grill Jeremy about his love life! He's the sappy one!"

"Listen, even he's dated more recently than you, I really think-"

"Rude," Michael interjects. Jeremy is a bit slack jawed at being discussed and borderline dissed by his best friend's parents right in front of him, but the conversation moves on with no acknowledgment of that.

"I really think that you're a great catch, and a lovely boy, and you should have all the boys drooling over you at school," she goes into baby voice mode in the middle of that, and reaches over to drag her son into a side hug, stroking his hair teasingly. Michael keeps his face very flat and unamused throughout the motherly doting.

"Besides," Maria chimes in brightly, "We would need to ask Jeremy about girls, wouldn't we hon?" That part is directed at him, but it's rhetorical as she continues, "So we still have plenty of boy talk left for you." She joins in the hair ruffling. She laughs, Kate laughs, his dad laughs, even Michael lets out a sarcastic huff, but Jeremy finds the chuckles lodged in his throat.

Way back when, he was very insistent on being straight, taking any opportunity to flaunt his clearly heterosexual tendencies and leanings. It started around the time that he "learned" from the kids at school that being gay was bad. Obviously he knows better now, but that Straight Personality was a big part of him for a long time, so it's not weird that Maria would say that. It's not _wrong_ for her to assume that's how Jeremy would like to be referred. But god, does it make _something_ climb up the back of his throat. Not his dinner or his anxiety, though it feels like it could be either at first with how fast it climbs. No, it's the truth. A confession. Jeremy finally knows what people mean when they say you 'never really stop coming out.'

They don't know. They _could_ know… Jeremy can tell them right now, just two words, two simple little words. He can feel them rise up from his lungs faster than he can grasp a hold on them, pushing through his dry throat, and past his hesitant lips. _They need to know-_

“I’m bi.”

Oh god.

Jeremy is frozen in place, staring down at his food with wide eyes. The quiet lapse in the conversation turns into silence as all eyes fall on him, and he's hit with every stare in the room, the weight preventing him from looking up from his plate. Coming out to your peers is daunting enough, but coming out to adults, to parents, _family,_ is a whole different ball game. Jeremy kind of can't believe he just did that.

The silence stretches and Jeremy starts to sweat. Why isn't anyone saying anything. He needs to know how they're going to react, he needs it to happen now, waiting is going to kill him, respond, respond now, please!

The morbid curiosity is enough to let him lift his eyes.

He sees smiles.

They grow when he looks at them. Michael, Maria, Kate… his dad. All looking at him with kindness and adoration, and maybe a little surprise. But no objection. No _disgust._ Michael claps him on the back and he tunes back into the newly revived conversation, everyone congratulating him, and asking him well meaning questions. For a minute, it's all just noise, washing over Jeremy as he lets the realization sink in that this is okay. It's okay, he's okay, he never should have doubted them, it's dumb to think a same sex couple would be anything but supportive, but still. Logic doesn't always win against anxiety. Results do, though. And the results are good, kind, and loving. Even his dad… his dad.

Jeremy meets his dad's eyes and really looks. Searches and pleads with his stare, looking for something behind his kind smile that he hopes he doesn't find. His dad looks back at him with a face that betrays mixed emotions and many questions, but Jeremy finds no hint of his fears in there. Only love, and pride. Jeremy thinks he could cry if he dwells on that for too long.

He doesn't get the chance to.

"So... Rich?" His dad begins. Michael subtly chokes on a laugh and Jeremy not so subtly chokes on his own spit.

"Wh-what about him?"

"Well, son, I want to say this whole thing is a surprise to me, but I'm not blind, I've seen how close you and Richard have gotten lately so I just thought that maybe…"

Michael loses his hold on the laugh at the same time Jeremy can see Maria and Kate's eyes flash with interest in this horrible, horrible topic. Jeremy does not want to have this conversation, Michael giving him shit about it is enough, but his dad? The Mells? Fuck no. Heat takes its rightful place in Jeremy's cheeks.

"Wh- Dad! No! I- I mean, not- We- No!"

The Mells are all laughing a bit now, watching this play out.

"What? You're not together? Even… unofficially? I don't know how you kids do things these days but-"

"Dad please-"

"Are you saying I _didn't_ walk in on you two kissing that one time?"

Michael interjects a very loud- "WHAT" into his laughing fit. "JEREMY, WHEN-"

"And you know, he stays over so often nowadays, I was trying to decide if I should say something, because I wasn’t sure of your preferences-”

"_Preferences,_ you're going to kill me, dad, please stop talking." Jeremy sinks down in his chair with his hands over his burning scarlet face. It's all he can do to not run right out the door to escape this hellish conversation.

"But-! I suppose I don’t have to give you and Rich a talk about acceptable household behavior, right? Because even if you _were_ together in any way, you would _know,_ that as your father it's my job to keep you _safe-_"

_"DAD-"_

"-AND supported." He takes a moment to sober up his expression. "And I can support you now, openly, the best that I can." He smiles. Jeremy looks at him for a moment before hesitantly giving a small smile of his own. Mr. Heere turns pensive, "Though, I really did think you had feelings for Rich…"

Jeremy's smile flees and he just might die of embarrassment, if he's being honest.

"Ohoho, he does, don't worry Mr. Heere-" Michael begins, but Jeremy whips around from his despairing and slaps his arm, glaring daggers at him.

"Fuck you!"

"Jeremy not at the dinner table!" Maria had always been the strict one when it came to swearing, but Jeremy is so mortified he can't spare any thoughts for her reprimands right now, and simply continues to yell out his frustrations at Michael.

Jeremy's fuming is interrupted though, by his dad speaking softly beside him and putting a hand on his arm. He looks at him and finds him looking unsure, but determined. Maybe there was a point to changing the atmosphere before, because just like that Jeremy's embarrassment is gone again.

"Son, you and I both know I wasn’t there for you in the past, so I understand if you don’t really trust me enough to tell me about these things, but I _want_ you to. I want you to be comfortable telling me about people you like, what's going on in your life. I want to make up for all the time I wasn't available for that. I want to be there for you like I should have been for… everything else. I don’t know if I’ve earned that yet but, if you can..."

"Dad…"

"I want you to at least know… I'm proud of you, son. I’m proud to call you my son."

A smile makes its way onto Jeremy's face despite everything, and he playfully pats his dad's hand, looking away to try to keep his emotions in check and his eyes dry. He gets pulled into a side hug and a fatherly hair ruffle and he laughs.

"Alright, no need to be cheesy." It's said through a grin that betrays his true emotions, contrasting with the dismissive, silly nature of the remark. Jeremy is glad. He's come out to most of the most important people in his life now, his _family_ knows and still loves him, and no amount of their teasing is going to change the fact that that's a _good_ thing. Embarrassment aside, he's feeling really, _really_ good.

* * *

Dinner continues as normal after that, though there is a brighter, even warmer atmosphere than before, which really cements into Jeremy that, yes, he made a good choice. The dishes get lazily put in the dishwasher to be done at a later date, and after a mostly ignored football game concludes on TV, the Mells head back to their place. Jeremy and his dad settle on opposite ends of the couch, stretching out and relaxing in the quiet.

He's on his phone, so he sees the notification from Rich immediately, heart speeding up a bit. Jeremy had texted him quite a bit earlier but he hadn't gotten any responses from Rich, not even a 'read' confirmation, so he eagerly opens the message but stops short when he sees it.

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
hey srry i was trying not 2 text u but uhhh are u free rn

Before Jeremy can even process the request two more texts come in.

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
wtf am i saying of course ur not free its fucking thanksgiving ur probably with ur family or smt fuck  
dammit forget i asked

That's… hm.

**You:**  
Is something wrong?

Rich's typing bubble appears and disappears sporadically for an entire minute, and Jeremy's nerves go up exponentially.

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
it's nothing just  
uhhh i mean u know me and jake usually did something together on thanksgiving and christmas and shit cuz our houses were both fuckin nightmares to be in but he actually has a place to be tonight so its just been me and  
well  
i mean im fine  
but uh  
u know how my dad is

Lead weight settles into Jeremy's stomach at that.

**You:**  
Did something happen? Are you okay?

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
im fine  
lol im uh in the woods rn

Jeremy can tell Rich is trying to keep up an air of nonchalance but it's not like he doesn't know how Rich's dad gets, and it's not like Rich didn't specifically tell him that he goes out into those woods whenever he needs to run away from him. Jeremy's brow furrows and his heartrate is a rapid drumbeat in his ears as he realizes Rich is most certainly not okay right now.

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
listen im alright jer i just  
its whatever i know ur probably eating or hanging out with ur dad or smt i dont wanna interrupt  
just forget I texted u ok

**You:**  
No, what the hell?  
Are you safe right now?  
You're obviously not okay, it's okay to text me when you're not okay Rich  
Fuck, dude, can I  
Do you want me to come get you? It's fucking cold and dark out, you shouldn't be in the woods, do you want to come over???

Rich takes a few minutes to respond and Jeremy almost freaks the fuck out, but he starts typing again before he does.

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
i dont wanna barge into ur family time or whatever

**You:**  
You're literally always welcome at my house and you wouldn't be barging in on shit, it's just me and dad not watching TV rn.  
Also like even if we were still doing something you can always come over? You're-

_like family already?_ No that's weird. Jeremy backspaces that line out. Urgent or not, he has to keep his wits about him, here.

Jeremy berates himself a little bit for this entire situation. He should have just invited Rich over in the first place. He should have invited Rich over to dinner so he didn't have to deal with his shitty dad in his godforsaken hellhole of a house, Jeremy should have _known,_ he should have known and taken precautions.

No, he can feel bad about himself after he knows Rich is safe.

**You:**  
How about this, I _want_ you to come over right now.

Rich's text bubble does a little jig again, but eventually he responds.

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
okay

**You:**  
Can you drive?

😚😎👌❤**Richie**❤👌😎😚  
yea omw

**You:**  
Drive safe please.

* * *

Jeremy tells his dad as much as he can without spilling Rich's entire life story to him, explaining the urgency while assuring him legal action doesn't need to be taken (though he didn't actually get a confirmation on that… he'll make sure of it later.) His dad of course offers up everything he can as a parent and Jeremy goes through the motions of convincing him to let him handle it. Jeremy may be kind of freaking out worrying about Rich, but he doesn't think this is _that_ serious, Rich just probably needs a friend and a place to stay. Hopefully. After an appropriate amount of persuasion, his dad relents.

Rich shows up soon after, no bag, no coat, just himself in a measly sweatshirt and jeans. Luckily though, he looks physically unharmed, though that doesn't stop Jeremy from practically absorbing Rich into the house the second he opens the door. Hand in hand, Jeremy quickly and silently brings Rich upstairs to his room. Rich quickly and silently follows, allowing himself to be herded.

Jeremy's urgency gives way once he reaches his room, and he very softly, slowly pushes Rich inside, closing the door ever so gently after. Rich is just standing there in the middle of the room when Jeremy turns around, so he pulls him to sit on the bed, keeping his touches light and sparing. Rich is pliant though, putting up no resistance, simply allowing himself to be moved.

The silence weighs heavy for a minute as Jeremy lets Rich just exist before trying to get him to talk. He takes in his appearance, not a rare thing for him, but now in a different, less pleasant context. The lack of a coat was not a good sight, and despite the lack of emotion on his face, his skin is flushing from the sudden warmth of the house compared to the frigid November air outside. The lack of bruising or scratches sets his heart slightly more at ease, but that chilled shiver he can see run through Rich keeps him on edge. And then of course there's Rich's lack of expression. Jeremy is used to watching Rich's face go blank, he zones out often enough, especially in class, and it was never concerning, just something he did. Some sort of expression would come back to him the second someone talked to him, it was always fine.

It's not fine now. And Jeremy wants to help.

How, though?

"Rich?" Jeremy says, so quiet as to not disturb the silence of the room. He doesn't know what he's going to do, where to take the conversation, but getting Rich's attention seems like a good place to start.

Rich turns to him and, surprisingly (or perhaps, not so surprisingly,) a couple of expressions pass on his face in rapid succession. Jeremy only has time to think he sees regret, maybe, before he's suddenly engulfed in a hug, Rich's arms wrapping around him tightly, his face burying itself in his neck. It catches Jeremy off guard, and he's startled for a second, but he quickly reciprocates, bringing a hand up to cradle Rich's head against him, the other wrapping around his back.

Jeremy expects tears but feels none, no wet spot on his shoulder, no shuddering breaths. In fact, Rich's breathing, though heavy and almost labored, is steady. Like he's less upset and more… tired. He sighs and melts a little further into Jeremy, and despite the context, Jeremy can't help it when his heart skips a beat. Rich speaks softly from his place right next to Jeremy's ear.

"Thanks."

Jeremy just rubs Rich's back a bit in response.

"I'm sorry," Rich continues, just as quiet, but Jeremy shakes his head, an action he knows Rich can feel.

"Don't be."

"It's Thanksgiving."

"And I'm glad you're here." Jeremy takes a second after he whispers that, his own regret pooling in his throat. "I should have invited you." The words drip with a sadness Jeremy couldn't get a good hold on before it could slip out, but he really does feel bad for not thinking ahead, not planning for something like this, for not thinking to include Rich, he could have least asked-

"I can feel you overthinking, Jere," Rich says, and it prompts a quick laugh out of Jeremy, and when Rich pulls back out of the hug a little, it's to show Jeremy the small smile that's graced his features. Jeremy can't help but smile back, it's second nature by now.

"I really didn't want to bother you today," Rich says, that regretful face from before reappearing, "like, who am I to just insert myself into your personal holiday time, you know? I promised myself I wasn't going to text you, even, but I guess I just…" he stops and shrugs. His mouth turns up in a quick, very self deprecating smile, if it can even be called a smile, before falling back down into an even more miserable look than before, refusing to meet Jeremy's eyes.

Jeremy leans over, forcing himself into Rich's vision. "Hey, no, it's alright, I really-" he's successfully halted these thoughts twice now, and he doesn't particularly want to bring them back, but he needs to say them so he lets them flow again. "I really… I should have invited you over in the first place, Rich."

"Jere, it's okay, you don't have to-"

"No, I mean it, I actually really wanted you here today, I was just-" too scared to ask. Worried that it would be taking a step too far, worried that too much time together plus a house full of domesticity would be enough to broadcast his feelings out into space, and Rich would see him clearly for the lovesick nerd he was.

"You were what...?" Rich asks quietly.

Well, Jeremy might as well admit it.

"I was just worried about it being weird, I guess." Part of it.

Rich gives him a little confused stare that despite everything, Jeremy thinks is kind of cute.

"Like, we've been spending so much time together lately, I just didn't want to like, overstep or something… accidentally… god it sounds stupid when I say it." It sounds stupid when he doesn't include the part about feelings.

"Nah, man, I mean, I pretty much did the exact same thing for the same reason." Rich smiles when he says this, but Jeremy isn't looking at him now, too caught in his small self hate spiral.

"But I _know_ what your house is like, and I _know_ how your dad is. I can't believe I didn't think this would happen, I can't believe I didn't at least let you know you were welcome to hang out or whatever, like? I feel so stupid."

"Jeremy, you're not the person responsible for my dad's shitty behavior."

Jeremy finally looks at Rich, and he realizes how calm he is. Rich may look like a bit of life has been sucked out of him, his eyes may look a little duller, but he looks otherwise _normal._ Strong, even. Jeremy is here freaking out about his own feelings, while Rich is being put in a position where he has to reassure him, and that's- that's kind of despicable. Rich continues talking though.

"If you're gonna feel like you should have said something, so am I? You already told me I didn't have to feel bad about asking to come over tonight, so _you_ don't have to feel bad about not being psychic, okay?"

Jeremy puts a hand on his neck, a bit bashful at needing Rich to point out something so obvious. "Well when you put it like that…"

"Besides, this is supposed to be my breakdown, not yours, don't steal my thunder."

Jeremy laughs. He can't help it; the casual way in which Rich spoke it, the small smile and closed eyes and flippant hand gesture, it was funny. It was meant to make him laugh, and Rich chuckles along too. They take that moment there to just giggle. To share a feeling of happiness amongst the weird mess of that conversation. It cuts through the wonky atmosphere and settles like a blanket over them.

Jeremy flops back onto his bed, moving to lay against his pillows, and after a second of deliberation, Rich shuts the light off, and lays down as well, curling up into Jeremy's side. They do this often now, but it still sends Jeremy's heart soaring every time. His nerves still light up, and he still fixates all of his attention on wherever Rich is touching him, a hand on his chest, or an arm across his stomach. Rich's hair tickling his face, and the comfortable weight of his head against his arm. Jeremy's heart still goes wild whenever they do this, he just knows how to reign it in now. How to act like he's not _aching to kiss him right now-_

Reign it in. There are more pressing matters at hand.

"Are you- do you wanna… talk about it? Like, what happened, with your dad?"

Rich sighs, but very casually turns onto his back, gazing up at the glow stars on Jeremy's ceiling. "It was just… normal shit. Same old dad, same old crap, you know? Just saying shit and harassing me, whatever. Drunk bastard." Jeremy bumps his cheek against Rich's head softly. "It's just a little harder to stand up to him now without… you know."

The squip.

"He didn't hit you…?" Jeremy asks softly.

"No." Rich answers, just as soft. "Just yelling."

Jeremy is about to leave it at that, he knows Rich really never volunteers information about what exactly his dad says or does, but Rich sighs to himself and continues talking, much to Jeremy's surprise. 

"It started out with our landlord yelling at him about rent, and then just. Devolved. Like usual. He does all the work in the house and I'm just a dirty little freeloader leeching off of him and stealing his money, and if I actually got a job instead of fucking-" he verbally trips a bit, "of _going out_ all the time, he wouldn't be so 'depressed,' as if that's his only problem. As if he doesn't blow all his money on booze and Keno and shit. As if I wouldn't want to 'go out' all the time with him acting like that anyway!" Rich puts up air quotes around 'go out,' and Jeremy doesn't know exactly what he's implying, but he does get the feeling that it means Rich's father said something much worse than just 'going out.' The fact that Rich of all people is hesitant to repeat the exact words has Jeremy's gut rolling. He gets the feeling the interaction was worse than Rich is making it out to be, but he keeps it to himself. Rich needs him to listen right now, not lecture. "He's just a homophobic, drunken bastard who blames me for everything, there's nothing new here. He yells and throws a hissy fit, and I get tired of his shit and leave." His tone is full of derision, but his miserable expression betrays how distressed these 'hissy fits' actually make him. Jeremy is vexed to also find it betrays, deep down, hidden guilt.

"Soon enough I'll leave for good and our problems will be settled, finally."

Guilt?

Does Rich…

"I won't have to see him and he won't have to see me."

Does he blame _himself_ for his dad's behavior...?

_What?_

_No!_

Jeremy moves suddenly and puts his hands on either side of Rich's face, not exactly knowing what he's doing, and getting caught up, for a moment, in the scar there. Completely different from the bruises and broken skin from his father, but in a way, a result of his shitty parenting anyway, is it not? If Rich's father wasn't so shit, maybe he never would have gotten a squip. Maybe he never would have gotten a squip and so he never would have wanted to escape it, never would have felt the need to start that fire, never felt the need to tear himself apart in a way his father and his squip couldn't, just to try to get some semblance of control back. Just to feel like he could have a say over the pain he went through.

Jeremy runs his thumbs softly across his cheeks, just under his eyes. His eyes that are looking up at him tenderly, that warm, beautiful brown Jeremy wants to drown himself in forever. Those wonderful eyes that are absolutely filled with misery right now. With self deprecation. With _desperation._

"Rich you know he's wrong." Jeremy says, quiet, but sure. He puts every ounce of confidence he has into his voice. "You know he's a piece of shit and he only blames you because it's convenient for him, and he wants power over you."

"W-what are you-" Rich huffs out a pretty fake laugh, tries to play it off, pretend Jeremy didn't just hit the very hidden nail right on the head, but Jeremy _knows._ God, Jeremy sees it, and wants nothing more than to _stop seeing it right now._

"Please say you know, Rich, please. He blames you because _he's_ bad, not you."

Rich has a quick internal debate, gaze jumping all around as he tries to decide how this is going to go. Jeremy locks eyes with him, and while he cups Rich's face as gently as he can, he keeps his grip firm enough to prevent Rich from looking away. From bailing out of acknowledging that his dad's abuse isn't his fault, holy shit. Jeremy sees the barrier around his mind slowly evaporate, words soaking through to him, acceptance morphing his features ever so slightly into something softer and less pained. Fluttering his eyes closed with a sigh and leaning into Jeremy's hands, Rich whispers a shaky, "Yeah. I know."

"It's not your fault. None of it's your fault, not his situation, not your situation, not the things he says and does to you. It's _not your fault._"

Rich's closed eyes scrunch a bit tighter, brows furrowing, his mouth remaining firmly shut. Jeremy knows Rich can feel his gaze, and he squirms a bit, trying to get out of agreeing with him again. Jeremy won't have that.

"Rich, please?"

He opens his eyes. Jeremy still keeps his cupped hands light and feather soft, and Rich's own hands find their way to Jeremy's arms, grasping them gently, but not moving them. Just holding on. Jeremy speaks in almost a whisper.

"Rich, you're not the one responsible for your dad's shitty behavior."

Rich closes his eyes again, and nods, shoving his face out of Jeremy's hands and into his neck, wrapping his arms tightly around his back. Jeremy hates that it's so hard for Rich to believe that he's not responsible for his dad's shittiness, but Rich dug through a lot of layers of blame and years of his father seemingly saying the opposite to him in order to nod, so Jeremy is satisfied all the same. Even if it's hard for Rich to say it, Jeremy can at least remind him.

"You're a good person, Rich."

Softly, almost in a whimper, Rich whispers out a soft, "Thanks," into his neck. It sends chills through him for multiple reasons, but mostly he just feels his nerves overflow with straight up adoration. He smiles, despite everything. "Please stop before I explode though."

A puff of breath against his neck is all the confirmation he needs to let out a chuckle of his own. Even during his own time to be vulnerable, Rich takes up the role he always does, and stomps out anything that becomes too weird or awkward for him. He throws a protective arm around the conversation, and fends off sadness and fear and embarrassment and any other rogue emotion he doesn't want to expose the conversation to, lest it crumble it into awkward dust, unsalvageable. Rich keeps a tight rein on every single one of his interactions, and this one is no different, it seems.

While Jeremy knows it's one of the things that makes it hard for Rich to be vulnerable, (he may have been joking in tone, but Jeremy knows he was serious when he asked him to stop the conversation,) he can't help but love it every time Rich makes him laugh. And as he lies in his bed, giggling to himself, Rich giggling too, tucked tight into the crook of Jeremy's neck, he's full of love. He's full of so much love and reverence and adoration, it should be no surprise that some of it spills out.

Amidst his soft, fading laughter, Jeremy runs a hand through Rich's hair, pushes it back, and kisses him.

On his forehead.

Rich stills.

Jeremy stills.

It's not a shocked frozen sort of state either of them are in though, there is no rigidity to their muscles, no stuttered breath, no fight or flight locking Jeremy into his place. Just a subtle pause, in which Jeremy can very intimately feel Rich's breath on his neck, and his eyelashes fluttering, probably with confusion, or just cognition, trying to process what Jeremy just did.

Jeremy wants to hold his breath when the weight of that dumb little kiss crashes down on him, but he keeps it painfully steady, afraid of disturbing the careful peace between them while Rich catches up. His brain is at war with itself, a screaming match from two sides, one shouting out that it was just a forehead kiss, there's nothing inherently romantic about that, right? Calm the fuck down! And the other yelling at him for letting his feelings slip, letting his guard down and allowing himself a small indulgence at the cost of possibly his entire friendship, Rich is going to find it weird, Rich is going to ask him what the fuck that was for, he's going to connect the dots and hate Jeremy and leave him.

Rich finally moves.

He squeezes Jeremy a little tighter where his arms are wrapped around him, and very quickly, so quick Jeremy is the one struggling to keep up now, Rich pulls back a little bit and firmly presses his lips to the underside of Jeremy's jaw, before hastily tucking his face back into his shoulder, pulling himself impossibly closer.

Jeremy has a turn blinking humbly into space, mind whirring to make sense of what just happened.

His face flushes scarlet.

He keeps his realization small though. His face gives off unprecedented heat, and his heartbeat hammers through his body, but he only lets out a soft, measured breath, slowly melting into Rich's embrace, squeezing him back. With agonizing care, he feels the adrenaline slowly dissolving and finally, after what feels like hours, leaving him to relax ever so gently into Rich.

Rich wiggles very slightly to fit better in Jeremy's now relaxed arms, breathing soft and easy, eyes closed, as far as Jeremy can feel. Jeremy closes his eyes as well and focuses on all of the little things he feels and hears. All of the little things that tell him Rich is not only currently in his arms, but he's content being there. He put himself there, and is staying because he wants to, and Jeremy is just fine with that. Either Rich didn't notice or didn't care about any feelings that may have leaked through the kiss, or that half of Jeremy's brain was right and it wasn't romance coded at all, as far as Rich was concerned. Either way, Jeremy feels relief flood his system. Rich is here, and safe, and happy, and for now, just now, that's all he's going to ask of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unlike many people, i do not have any time off due to the virus, so my update schedule will probably be the same, another month or two, sorry bout that. next chapter will very likely be the last one though! hope yall stick around for it.


End file.
